TV Retrospective - The Sarah Jane Adventures Series 3 Part 3 - Mona Lisa's Revenge/The Gift

We’re back with the final 4 episodes of the Sarah Jane Adventures

Mona Lisa’s Revenge

We open in art class, Clyde’s drawing K-9 and Luke is… being Luke. Haresh interrupts the class, he got an email from a Mr Harding and it concerns Clyde somehow.

We see Mr Harding and a Mrs Trupp congratulating themselves for the result for years of hard work, the Mona Lisa is in the International Gallery. Excuse me one moment, I need to copy a joke from Diamanda Hagan, again

So because of Clyde’s artwork or something, the entire class will be the first kids to see the Mona Lisa. Clyde never entered the competition, Luke entered on his behalf, without telling him. Of course, this d*ckishness is counterbalanced by the stupid reason Clyde wouldn’t enter in the first place.

This Mona Lisa begins glowing with red energy and laughing, roll credits. So, Luke returns home but Sarah Jane is angry his much bigger room than I remember from the last time I saw it is a complete bomb site, including cups growing mould. He rebuttals that she wants him to be the way the Bane made him again. Being made by the Bane doesn’t excuse a messy room. Yeah, this conflict is exceptionally contrived especially since the last time we saw Luke’s room it looked fine.

So, the day comes and Haresh is ignored, moving on. They hand in their phones and after some small talk, they head up to the gallery. Luke notices a puzzle box which will likely come into play later. Mr Harding introduces himself along with Mrs Trupp. She’s sent back to the Mona Lisa, lamenting the fact that Mr Harding doesn’t seem to care about her. Also, it turns out the Mona Lisa’s alive. OK…

So, the piece of artwork is... I think Clyde was horny when he drew this, the blasters are sontaran because where else has he seen laser guns other than everywhere? They unveil the Mona Lisa but it looks like Mrs Trupp is now in the painting. Mr Harding calls security.

Meanwhile Sarah Jane is talking to Mr Smith about being a mother... She laments that she’s thinking that one day, Luke will be gone. Yup, he will be, sooner than you think, probably the first episode of the next season soon. But we’ll get to that.

Back at the Gallery we get a reference to Planet of the Dead, which is a piece of sh*t, moving on. Clyde, Luke and Rani conclude something odd is happening but they need to lose Haresh first, Luke says he needs to use the Loo, and he does. LAUGH!

Sarah Jane is alerted to the news and because data protection doesn’t seem to exist in this universe, Clyde’s name is mentioned as the prize winner, coining Sarah Jane on that the trio are in the gallery. which is weird since she would've needed to sign a permission slip for Luke to go. Mr Smith does some techno-sh*t and discovers what we already know, that is the Mona Lisa and Mrs Trupp is trapped inside the painting.

So they find Clyde’s painting and notice a gun has been taken, something they immediately warn Mr Harding about when he confronts them. The Mona Lisa turns up pointing a Sontaran blaster at them. Yes, I did just write those words down, in that order. And they mean exactly what you think they mean.

So, for some reason she speaks like, how to put this, she speaks kinda like Catherine Tate, which would be ok, if she were playing a low rent Donna Noble, but she’s playing, essentially, Lisa Del Giocondo, the woman who posed for the Mona Lisa painting. I’m doing a review of the Da Vinci Code next month but here’s the thing, SHE WAS ITALIAN! So, no, she can’t be the Mona Lisa, but the Mona Lisa would never be in some low rent made up gallery!

Sarah Jane sneaks into the museum as Mona Lisa… I can’t, I just can’t, I’m going to have to call her something else. I’m going to call her Lou, like the Louvre gallery where the Mona Lisa actually is. So Lou shoots and Luke, Clyde and Rani run, leaving Mr Harding to ogle over her. They discover that Lou has trapped the police and forensic officers in the paintings since that prevents any trouble with the police in this episode. Apparently, Mr Harding was banned from the Louvre for looking at the painting too long. As someone who went to the Louvre, I don’t remember this happening. (Also, how did he get the painting then?) Lou wants to find her brother.

Lou’s brother is someone who was painted next door to Leonardo at the same time as her. Mr Harding had an idea but it’s wrong, but it does lead to their first encounter with Sarah Jane, who soon learns about Clyde drawing a Sontaran blaster. In fairness, he couldn’t really have predicted someone could steal it and use it. Lou is about to shoot Sarah but an eery growl means that Lou’s brother is close by.

The episode ends with Luke, Clyde and Rani finding Sarah Jane trapped in a painting.

It’s an ok episode if you can look past its ludicrous premise.

Rating 6.5/10

Mona Lisa’s revenge part 2

One shove and the kids manage to get away, Lou sees a painting of some kind of gunslinger and brings it to life to send after them. Clyde splits off so he can’t follow both groups. Lou wants to see the outside world, Mr Harding allows her to step outside but she finds she dries out if she does so. She continues to communicate with her brother, who’s in a painting so terrible no-one has laid eyes on it, so how did it end up in the International gallery?

Clyde is listening in but is caught by the gunslinger. Luke and Rani begin researching to find a painting with a connection to the Mona Lisa. Rani finds out about a rumoured painting so horrifying it’s never been put on display. Why again? I’m certain someone finds artistic value in it. OK, apparently you can’t look upon the painting without going insane – that’s insanely stupid but I’ll bite, it was locked in wood and not cast into the ocean or set on fire or something sensible but it ended up in the basement of a gallery that isn’t even in the same country.

The case is secured with a Chinese puzzle box, because of course it is. Luke recognises the name of the artists and works out that the pigments used in the paint used for both paintings contained an alien pigment. I was going with the entire thing was an alien fabrication but hey, this is your bullsh*t, let’s run with it.

They find the case containing the abomination and open the gate, now it’s just the box that needs to be opened but the Chinese puzzle box is missing. Luke and Rani find it first, theorising it was separated from the box, somehow, and it still functions as a lock despite the fact that’s not how locks work and anyway, Lou confronts them and uses Clyde to force them to release the box into her possession, they give it to Mr Harding, who ultimately smashes it.

But with that bargaining chip gone, Lou is about to kill them when Luke says he can open it another way. Luke asks Clyde to draw the puzzle box so Lou can bring it to life. He does so and Lou creates a new key, Luke tosses the pad on the floor, with the picture of K-9 facing up, as Lou’s brother is released, energy somehow creates K-9 who destroys him. Somehow, and I really mean somehow, this undoes all the damage Lou did, restoring the police, Sarah Jane and dissipating all the things she brought to life.

So, Luke embraces Sarah Jane, you still need to clean that room you messy little sh*t and all’s well, this stupid f*cking premise is over.

This is not a bad episode, it’s just on a foundation so stupid that it’s distracting.

Rating 7.5/10

The Gift part 1

We begin with Sarah Jane and the gang chasing a fat boy in some industrial complex, he’s stolen a matter compressor from the Pharos institute, just guess where it’s going, you’ll be right. Oh and the Zylok technology that stopped the gas exchange stuff has gone as this Slitheen is back to the old ways.  Knowing they need a way to track him, they call in K-9.

With the matter compressor in the machine, it begins to activate, with 100 seconds till earth’s destruction. K-9 loses the trail but they machine is giving away their location. The gang arrive but find the machine is resistant to the sonic lipstick, they bring in K-9 but Rani is used as a hostage, with only seconds left a second group, who look like Slitheen but aren’t, teleport in and save the day.

They are the Blathereen, another family from the planet planet of you know what planet that I can’t be bothered to spell, they have a mission of capturing Slitheen and err… who gives a sh*t, no-one is believing this nonsense, they’ll be the main threat of this story. They want to have dinner, Sarah Jane is reluctant to have them at her house but since Rani’s parents are away Rani agrees to host. One question, how will you avoid them being seen? They don’t wear skin suits. They are Leef and Tree, and apparently, they’re just going to teleport into the house. How neighbourly of them. So Clyde and Sarah Jane are cooking Shepherd’s pie and soup. That had better be lamb mice going into that, if it’s beef, it’s Cottage Pie, COTTAGE!

The Blathereen clearly enjoy it, each devouring a full bowl full of tomato soup. They present Sarah Jane a gift, Rackweed, a staple food from their planet which is definitely edible for humans too. Anyway, they want Sarah Jane to be their ambassador to share the plant with the world, as it can grow in the harshest of environments and could be key to ending famine. Rani convinces Sarah Jane to keep an open mind and Sarah Jane ultimately accepts their offer, with a couple of provisos.

With the Blathereen gone Mr Smith analyses the plant, he claims that it’s harmless (oh and there is a racism allegory going on in the background) Sarah Jane reminds them they have a test tomorrow, which Clyde had forgotten about. So, we’re going to get the Sarah Jane Smith version of the don’t cheat moral – yay? He grabs K-9 with Mr Smith being relieved for a break and leaves without being noticed.

The morning comes and as light hits the Rackweed, it opens and hundreds of spores fly out of the conveniently open window. Luke left his tie in the attic and is quickly exposed to the spores, which leave him feeling rather ill. Sarah Jane decides Luke can stay home and phones the school, more Rackweed are growing in her garden. Sarah Jane asks when it first started and it brings her to the attic where she discovers the plant’s mutation, Mr Smith confirms it’s not harmless and was likely just in hibernation. Luke’s infection was because he was deemed a threat and will put him into a coma. They also discover it’s reproducing outside the house.

Rani discovers that Clyde is planning to use K-9 to pass the test. The Rackweed begins releasing a second wave of spores which attack Sarah Jane.

I quite like this episode, although it does rather mute the racism allegory to have the Blathereen be just as malevolent if not more so than the Slitheen

Rating 8/10

The Gift part 2

Mr Smith uses his fans to suck away the spores as Clyde shows K-9 the test questions so he can relay the answers to Clyde. Sarah Jane asks Mr Smith about an antidote but since the Rackweed is always adapting, even if he could create an antidote, it might not work. Luke only has half an hour before he passes into a coma. A news report shows more victims are arriving at the hospital. Sarah Jane wants to board the Blathereen ship to find out answers, thankfully she saved their teleport co-ordinates.

The Rackweed begins to come into the classroom where Rani and Clyde are taking the test, it disrupts the com-link Clyde was using to keep in contact with K-9, his noises about it attract the teacher’s attention and she spots K-9. They plants begin to disperse spores and the teacher is infected, falling into a coma instantly. Sarah Jane discovers the teleport trace has them in the Antarctic. So she teleports to the ship by remotely accessing their teleporter.

Meanwhile, Rani, Clyde and K-9 are figuring out what to do on their end. Nothing new is established so I’m skipping it. Sarah Jane on the ship, she falls for their ploys like an idiot and ends up disarmed. K-9 destroys some spores but outside is full of them, so Clyde and Rani can’t leave. They decide to head to the canteen for some reason.

So the Blathereen are farmers who want to turn Earth into a Rackweed farm for profit, they’re basically the Slitheen all over again, goody. In fact they’re the Slitheen-Blathereen. The end of period bell manages to destroy a Rackweed plant, Sarah Jane uses her sonic lipstick to escape the ship and temporarily prevent the Blathereen from following, while Clyde, Rani and K-9 boost the volume of the bell and activate it to destroy the remaining Rackweed in the school.

But to replicate it outside, they need more help, they contact a returned Sarah Jane and with K-9’s help, give them the frequency so he can connect with devices across the city, replicate the sound and kill the Rackweed, and curing everyone affected by the spores. Rani and Clyde return to Sarah Jane’s house but the Blathereen have fixed the teleporter and are after her too. After giving them another warning which they reject she activates the frequency again, they’ve injested so much Rackweed, it dying caused them to explode and cover everyone in goo. Congratulations Rani, you’re now part of that tradition, it’s been a while. Clyde gets clean up duty for using K-9 to cheat.

So the 4 of them enjoy a barbecue and Sarah Jane gives her season closing narration.

It was an enjoyable episode, which after Mona Lisa’s revenge is enough for me.

Rating 7.5/10

We’ll be back after the summer for our look at season 4 where Julian Bleech plays a character who isn’t Davros, we say goodbye to one of our major cast members and an old enemy returns, and this time, it’s not the Slitheen, or the Trickster