#72 - Heroes in Crisis (Part 2)

OK, we’re back to this, and there’s a lot to cover, so there isn’t gonna be a long preamble like last time

Previously on Heroes in Crisis: Writer Tom King destroyed the premise of his own story by starting with a massacre at a trauma centre known as the Sanctuary. Booster Gold and Harley Quinn fought, both blaming the other for said massacre. And that’s it.

Once again, trigger warning, I’m going to be describing offensive scenes and not all of them from Heroes in Crisis. Violence, death, suicide, mental health and sexual assault/rape may be covered in this review.

The cover features Harley Quinn holding Batman using Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth. The idea of Harley Quinn overpowering Batman is frankly laughable to me. The background is pretty bland, which is disappointing compared to the high amount of detail in the #1 cover.

We open with, *sigh* 9 panels of talking heads. Poison Ivy, now love interest to Harley Quinn, is the at the sanctuary because… Anyway, Harley interjects and I don’t give a sh*t.

We then get a 2-page spread of Harley walking on ice surrounded by penguins. This book has a weird obsession with wasteful title pages like this. She’s come to, I guess the Iceberg Lounge, to speak with the Penguin. She wants somewhere to hide as heroes are coming after her, she suspects all of them.

We cut to Batman performing an autopsy on Commander Steel. The others reckon he built a backdoor into the Sanctuary to spy on them, which Batman denies, they also suggest he carries Kryptonite, he also denies this but this is blatant foreshadowing. Anyway, Batman tells the all the data the sanctuary gathers is immediately deleted, and it had to be that way, he was there, often. What that means is he has no idea who was at the Sanctuary at the time. If that’s the case why even bother recording the data at all?

Anyway, Commander Steel’s body is in tact but they suspect he was forced to swallow something, finding a pear of Joker wind-up teeth inside his… I’m not entirely sure, or how they got through his ‘fairly impenetrable skin.’

We cut to Batman at the Sanctuary, 3 pages before he sits down, and only 2 panels of dialogue out of 9. He talks about training partners and watching so many of them die. So, assuming every bit of continuity still holds, Batman has had 4 partners that have died, Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown, Gavin King and Damian Wayne. Only in 1 of those occasions did he actually watch them die, the case with Damian Wayne. Of those 4 only Gavin King is still 'dead,' in fact only Jason and Damian could possibly be canon anymore. I guess this could be after the incident with Dick Grayson, but he didn’t die.

We’re back on the farm with Booster and his robot buddy Skeets shows up, no idea where he was before now but here and Booster helpfully recaps the first issue for us. Well, that’s a quarter of a page wasted.

Meanwhile Harley is playing cards with some penguins. The Trinity show up to confront her, this took 2 pages. The next page is Booster debating with Skeets about whether he should turn himself in or solve the mystery. Riveting. Harley admits she didn’t really expect to be safe getting a hideout from the Penguin, the “gossipiest crook in Gotham”

She runs up to Wonder Woman, saying that Booster killed everyone. Here’s a bright idea, say it whilst holding the lasso, you know, that thing that compels the truth. She instead steals the lasso and wraps in around Batman’s neck. Nope, not buying it for a second. Superman readies his heat vision but the lasso compels Batman to admit he has Kryptonite in his belt and she uses it to escape. Reminding everyone that Booster that did it?

Back to the booth of confessionals, Wonder Woman this time. She once woke up from a nightmare, wanting her mother, but found her injured, bloody and screaming, which is why she doesn’t talk about her nightmares anymore. Is that why you just talked about them? Booster heads to Central City and you have got to be kidding me, Wally is dead and they didn’t tell Barry. Barry is a detective on equal par to Batman. His speed means he’s able to cover ground quickly and access things Bruce can’t. And you think he will stop at anything to find the people responsible. There’s nothing to be lost by telling him. Sure, you could emotionally cripple him but, you know, he’s gonna find out at some point.

And that point is now, he races to Sanctuary and back, and we get a splash page of him Punching Booster,. Back with the Trinity, Superman says Harley is a good as Bat-hahahahahahahahahaha… I’m sorry, I can’t take that seriously. Superman somehow knows about Barry getting Booster and sets off. Harley is standing on top of a high bridge pillar, giving her memorial to Poison Ivy.

Cut to the Daily Planet, where we get a joke that’s been old for decades as Lois Lane, Pulitzer prize-winning reporter asks how something’s spelt. One of the others brings in something for her. A message with some of the confessional from Arsenal, and it’s signed ‘The Puddlers.’ This gains Lois’ attention.

We end with 9 talking heads about Superman, in his Clark Kent guise. A reminder that this means if his recordings are leaked, his secret identity is compromised. Incidentally the same with Bruce, and Isaiah Crockett (Hotspot) who all talked without masks on, also as we’ll find out later Wally. Clark admits to having a bit of identity crisis with his conflicting alter-egos. I don’t buy it, not for one second.

So, that was a lot of nothing… Hope #3s a page turner (spoiler alert, it isn’t)

The cover is better than issue 2, there’s a nice level of detail in the mask’s reflection, and the field is more interesting that the blank background we got last time.

We open with Lagoon Boy, Wally and Booster Gold giving confessions at the sanctuary. Lagoon Boy has been there for 3 months, Wally for 2 and a half weeks and it’s Booster’s first day. We then get a splash page of Lagoon Boy being shot through the chest.

We finally get some insight into how the Sanctuary actually works and what the deal is behind these masks. Apparently when you wear them it builds you a reality you can interact with. I feel like this could be a disastrous way of dealing with PTSD. I’m no expert but surely moving forward is a more viable solution than constantly longing for what you can never go back to, or in some cases, reliving the moment that emotionally cripples you. This is especially the case with Lagoon Boy, and I’ll explain further momentarily.

We then get Booster arriving at the sanctuary and Lagoon Boy getting up to get shot again. Wally’s mask takes him to a backyard where he can interact with Linda, Jay and Iris. If you’re wondering why I specifically highlighted Wally’s struggles last week, this isn’t the reason. Explanation for the cloaked figures 2 issues too late, it’s a way for residents at the sanctuary to keep their anonymity, as is explained to Booster.

Lagoon Boy has apparently gone through the scenario over 3 hundred times. He still sees it happening, even when he isn’t experiencing it. OK, time for some backstory. The attack Lagoon Boy is referencing is from a comic from 2008 Titans East Special #1, it acted as sort of a prelude to the Titans book by Judd Winnick at the time. In it, Cyborg assembled a new team of Titans consisting of Anima, Little Barda, Son of Vulcan, Power Boy, Hawk, Dove and Lagoon Boy. During a training mission, Power Boy is impaled on a tree spike, covered in blood and burnt. The rest of the team are soon hit by red lasers before a meteor strikes them all down.

It’s another scheme by Trigon in a story that was pretty cr*ppy. But minor continuity error, the lasers in HIC are Blue, rather than red and major continuity error, there’s no way this is still in continuity. The New 52 retconned Cyborg’s origins, giving him a relation to the New Gods and making him a prominent member of the Justice League, as opposed to the Titans. This origin is still in place at this point, so there’s no way that issue can still be canon.

Wally and his kids face up against Captain Cold whilst the computer goes “Wally, is this enough. Is this what you want?”

Booster is getting a talk from the Sanctuary computers and it explains the idea that you’re supposed to remember why you’re there to gain the specific help you need? I still call bullsh*t on this being effective therapy but maybe someone who knows more could say I’m wrong. Back with Lagoon Boy, after getting zapped again and again, he says his reason for playing it out is to maybe make it hurt less every time. Dude, you’ve had the scenario going through your head for ages, this will not help you. Reliving your trauma in this way cannot be an effective treatment, none of these Sanctuary methods can be.

Wally puts his kids to sleep and we get a little rundown on his origin. He met his Uncle Barry at his lab and an exact repeat of Barry’s origin happened. Iris remarks how little sense that makes, but there’s no follow up to that so I don’t see the point of this scene. Booster Gold talks with himself. Quite literally as that’s the extent of what he does with the mask. His other self tends to insult him… This is so riveting I…

Lagoon Boy stops being repeatedly shot, saying he’ll come back tomorrow when the emergency alarm sounds, telling them to evacuate. Wally runs down the hall saying ‘No.’ Booster’s clone beats him up because... F*ck is this boring. Anyway he gets the call too and heads off. Lagoon Boy finds the bodies from the first issue and gets stabbed through the chest with a pointy stick, remember this for me. He dies, laughing, just as he hoped to.

What a cruel, sadistic sense or irony you have Tom King. Wally finds Roy dead, and cradles the body, he says he didn’t want to be alone, before he’s smashed in the face by a mallet by Harley, and that somehow kills him. Come on, most superheroes get hit with a mallet every other weak. Wally has super-fast healing abilities. Booster and Harley confront each other in a way that makes no sense and just to top off this issue, we get 9 talking heads, all saying their names, and how they’ve been here. I don’t care enough to list their names

Wow, obviously this isn’t exactly how it happened, so from a mystery standpoint this wasted our time, and so did the Lagoon Boy subplot. Nothing of consequence happened in this issue, again.

#4 has a pretty boring cover. Harley standing over Wally’s body holding a gun, the grass gives away to a black background, and you already know how I feel about that. We open with Tempest getting drunk at a bar only to be dragged away by Donna Troy in a two-page spread that once again feels wasteful, despite some nice background graffiti featuring the New Teen Titans. The title of this issue ‘$%@# This,’ my sentiments exactly. We then get 9 talking heads of Donna Troy, and like most of these, it can be safely skipped, next.

Batman thinks Harley did it, whilst Barry thinks Booster did it, despite having established a motive for neither of them. Booster is doing what Harley should’ve done earlier and confessing under the Lasso of Truth, he says that Harley did it, but Wonder Woman wonders why his force-fields didn’t activate when he was attacked. He’s not sure, he thinks they may have been damaged.

Lois is talking to Superman, she’s continuing to receive confessions from the Sanctuary and it’s only a matter of time before they go to someone else, she has to do something about them. OK, Lois, I’m going to get to tear your bullsh*t apart later, we’ll move on for now. Onto 9 panels of Batgirl, who shows off her bullet wound from being shot in the spine in such a way that Clay Mann can show off her ass, this took 9 f*cking panels. Batgirl finds Harley and the two fight, this lasts 4 pages.

We cut to Black Canary and Green Arrow, who are a little p*ssed off about their lack of progress. I know that Roy being dead is hurtful and everything, but why is it Black Canary and not Green Arrow threatening to blow their heads off? Was that a goof? Anyway, this is 2 panels on 1 page, because it was absolutely necessary to see them on the edge of a cliff over the sea. What are they even doing there anyway?

Speaking of wasted space, we get another confessional featuring 5 panels, in the second Black Canary does a title drop and leaves. This followed by 6 panels of the background with nothing happening. Truly epic sequential art. Booster Gold is in a holding cell in the Hall of Justice and he’s talking with Ted Kord? Turns out the guy who’s the editor for this is the editor of the Batman titles, so I have a question? Has he read any non-Batman titles? I’m not even talking about stuff from ages ago, I’m talking about the Rebirth Era Blue Beetle Comic. Because this isn’t the Blue Beetle from that comic, this Blue Beetle is the one from Pre-New52, the one that got shot in the head! The Ted Kord from the modern era is considerably younger and his mask shows off his hair a bit more.

But Booster Gold and Ted Kord were a great duo in the 90s, so this is supposed to be a bit of the throwback, pity the dialogue is still insipid and bland. ‘Bros before heroes’ seriously? Anyway, since Booster has confessed under the lasso that he didn’t do it, Ted convinces him to go and solve the mystery together and has his ship, the Bug blast a hole in wall, busting him out.

We then get a confessional from Blue Beetle, talking about how Booster helps him through and *yawn*

Moving on, time for the dumbest scene in the comic, yay, more stupid! Just what this comic needed. We’re at the bat-cave, an hour ago, we find that Kord Industries helped build the Hall of Justice so that’s how he managed to get to Booster. Why do they care? He confessed innocence under the lasso, why was he even locked up? Why was this an hour ago?

Wonder Woman, for reasons that either we don’t know or are too stupid to mention punches Batman’s giant penny over the cliff. Why was the penny right next to the cliff? Why that close too the Bat-computer? Why is did Wonder Woman shout ‘suffering sapphro?’ And most important question, why didn’t Superman do something? This question is so important Batman asks it.

Superman goes on to confess that Lois has been gaining Sanctuary tapes and is working on an article to expose it. Batman asks and Superman admits he’s known for days!

Good god, Tom King, do you realise how dumb this sounds? He goes on to defend himself about a relationship with the source. You f*ckwit, they were given ANONYMOUSLY! They’re a potential lead to the perpetrator of a massacre! And the most likely answer as to who the source is, is the killer; is the integrity of your source really that important? Also, these tapes compromise secret identities, put targets on the backs of people who have already been through hell, this should not be taken this lightly.

And f*ck Lois too, she’s smart enough to realise what all this means, a well written Lois would’ve done something about it, or at the very least tried to investigate on her own, not write an article exposing potentially devastating secrets to the world. In so doing, outing every single hero that’s made these confessions WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT!

And it’s already too late, Lois has the article and it’s gonna change the world. We cut to Batgirl and Harley, who says &$@@ the world. It needs changing.

Well, #4 actually gave us some plot progression. It wasn’t much, and that final scene was stupid. But we’re not done yet, yup we’re doing #5 as well, pray for me, seriously.

The cover is Superman flying in a crowd, you’ll forgive me but my enthusiasm has all but gone by this point. We open to, and you’re in a for a shock here, 9 panels of Booster Gold talking about his experience in the alternate future he created in that awful Batman story I mentioned way back. We then get a f*cking two page spread of Booster and Ted in a house eating Pizza. I’m not arguing that 2-page spreads don’t have their uses but this isn’t it. This is $4 comic, there’s no excuse for this. 

Booster says his play is to steal the evidence from Barry and use it but Ted reminds him he confronted Barry earlier. But Booster says that’s the point, they won’t expect him to be this dumb. Frankly, it’s Heroes in Crisis, so stupid should be expected. We then get 9 panels of Commander Steel talking about his reincarnation and…

  

To repeat what I said back in #1, we don’t care, because he’s dead. Batman heads to Batgirl, having thoroughly examined Skeets, but since he’s a robot from the future, Batgirl offers to help, saying she has a programme that could crack his algorithms and Batman agrees. This brings me back to my earlier point, BOOSTER SAID HE WAS INNOCENT UNDER THE LASSO OF TRUTH! Why are you treating him like the villain? Because Harley said so? She’s nuttier than a fruitcake and you all know it.

Anyway, so what is Batgirl’s special technique for getting Skeets to talk, Harley Quinn. You have got to be kidding me. I’m getting ahead of myself; we first get a page of Lois and Clark writing the speech for Superman to give to the media and a page showing how Solstice was completely screwed over by the New 52, I don’t have the time or energy to explain anymore.

Booster enacts his plan and he knocks out Barry. Frankly, Barry should be a lot more upset than he is about the whole thing, but that’s by-the-by, Booster is amazed the plan worked. Cut to 9 panels of The Protector saying that although he used to do drug PSAs, he ended up taking drugs himself (He repeats this for 5 panels). I couldn’t care less.

Cut to Superman making his boring speech, something that would be a lot more powerful if there wasn’t a massacre, and I wonder what the hell Clay Mann was told to draw at this point. Because we get panels with the following characters: Blue Devil, Commissioner Gordon, Adam Strange, Mr Terrific, some woman who’s fighting a dragon in what absolutely needed to be a splash page, the Atom, Swamp Thing, Zatanna, Starfire and Aquaman. Know what all these characters have in common? They don’t do anything in the entire story!

Interspersed with, whatever the hell that was, is some actual plot progression, although progression may still be overstating it. Booster’s analysis confirms that Wally’s body is 5 days too old. Harley and Batgirl are en-route with Harley coming up with alternative words for the word ‘kill’ since Batgirl made her promise not to kill, and later comes up with ‘massacre.’ Up yours, Tom King. The issue ends with the 2 groups confronting each other, and we get 9 panels where Harley tells another story of her being beaten by the Joker.

I don’t know how this review is so long when I’ve covered so much nothing, but it’s not over yet, it’s not over yet. I need a holiday.