Guilty Pleasures #27: Samuel L Jackson Month - Avengers: Age of Ultron

It’s Samuel L Jackson Month

And yeah… I’m cheating a bit with this one, since Jackson barely appears but screw it, it’s my review blog and I say this counts! So, yeah, it’s the Avengers

Yeah… The Avengers was my first Marvel Movie. And I f*cking loved it. But that’s not to say it was entirely flawless, the first half or so can kinda drag and the way the Chitauri are defeated is kinda dumb but it’s 2 hours of entertainment. How long is this movie again?

2hrs 21 minutes

Goody! Yeah, despite making over a billion dollars, again, this movie has received a fair amount of critical backlash and some of it is kinda undeserved and I’m here to defend its corner, I’m not gonna tell you it’s a perfect movie, there’s no such thing and this isn’t even close. I also have a message for most of the critics of this movie but that’s for later, let’s dig into 2 hrs 21 minutes of Avengers: Age of Ultron

We open with Loki’s sceptre being analysed as two people are holding hands and a bunch of soldiers are being attacked by the Avengers. I’m not sure what armour they’re using, but I want it. We get a trailer shot and the fight continues as Iron Man flies around the compound, discovering that it’s protected by a force-field, because we totally have those.

He almost swears but Cap calls him out on it, and this will become a running joke. Hawkeye says

“it seems we’ve lost the element of surprise” you’re kidding me, right? You charged in, you weren’t sneaking around, you even had the Hulk, when did you ever have the element of surprise? The location is Sokovia, where most of the action occurs during the movie. Strucker orders the rest of the tanks to target the weak ones, Hawkeye and Black Widow presumably since they don’t have powers, and why are we waiting this long to have a location subtitle anyway?

One guy orders the twins sent out but Strucker doesn’t agree. Strucker’s fire begins to hit the city below so Iron Man orders out the Iron Legion. Tony really has been busy since he blew up all these Iron Man suits. Anyway one of them is hit by an acid grenade thing because reasons.

Anyway, Strucker quietly instructs the data be wiped clean so that when they eventually are forced to surrender, they won’t know what they’re really doing but the twins are already gone. Hawkeye fires an Arrow but it’s caught by the speedster. He’s Pietro Maximoff aka Quicksilver, one of those X-men that Marvel can use because they’re also Avengers. Now that Rogue is an Avenger, can they use her too? Anyway, Quicksilver makes Clint take a bullet, well, ray to the side. But the Hulk takes out the turret station.

Iron Man takes out the shield and we see that Cap is using tech to draw his shield back. But with Clint injured, Thor elects to stay behind and take him back to their jet whilst Cap joins Iron Man to secure the sceptre.

Iron Man enters the base and takes out the guards and secures the computer system. He begins downloading what files weren’t already defeated. The guards have surrendered so Black Widow is sent to calm down the Hulk because she can do that now.

The Iron Man suit detects a secret door so Tony takes a look, for some reason not putting back on his suit in case there are more guards down there. Cap confronts Strucker, who agrees to surrender but the Scarlet Witch arrives and knocks him back. She disappears in what is blatantly a rewind and for some reason leaves Strucker behind. Tony finds a Chitauri shark thing and of course Loki’s sceptre.

The Scarlet Witch does some mental thing and Tony sees all the Avengers dead, including the Hulk and Thor which is frankly impressive, Cap’s shield is cracked because symbolism and he tells Tony he could’ve and should’ve done more to save them. Scarlet Witch is somehow stunned by this. She smiles, letting Tony take the sceptre.

They fly back to base with Hawkeye receiving medical attention and Bruce listening to Beats product placement. Black Widow assures him he did good work and saved lives, she asks for Thor’s support, because and because sensitivity isn’t funny he says the most insensitive thing possible. Tony tells Jarvis to alert Doctor Cho that Barton will need the full medical package when they arrive.

They overlook the sceptre with Cap wondering what else HYDRA has used it for, Tony and Bruce are going to give it the once over because human technology is absolutely capable of doing something with it. They plan to celebrate in 3 days. They arrive at Avengers Tower where Maria Hill is waiting for them. NATO now has their hands on Strucker and because of the files Maria Hill now knows everything about the twins.

The Iron Legion return home to get repaired whilst Tony begins scanning the sceptre. Apparently there’s some kind of computer thing within the gem. Clint’s getting repaired by artificial skin because these movies love inventing new technology that doesn’t exist yet. Tony explains to Bruce that the gem is a sort of artificial intelligence. He thinks that might be the answer to creating Ultron.

And he’s not telling the team because that would mean some of the flaws of this incredibly stupid idea will come out. Like what if your creation decides humanity is the problem and ends up trying to wipe it out. Oh wait…

But it seems the problems may not come to pass since they’ve been unable to crack the problem before the party. Except at the exact moment they leave. Ultron begins downloading information and attacks Jarvis’ digital form. At the party filled with lots of people we don’t recognise, Falcon and War Machine, pretty much everyone except Pepper and Jane. Falcon makes small talk about Bucky who we’ll get to later and War Machine tells the end of a story that only normal people laugh at.

Thor pours out special alcohol so our Stan Lee cameo can have him drinking it. Banner and Natasha begin flirting because they have a relationship now. Thor challenges the others to try and lift his hammer but none of them are able, although Cap comes closest. Suddenly high pitched sounds ensue and a half built robot reveals himself.

He begins talking jibberish, before revealing himself to be Ultron and Tony’s involvement. He sends the Iron Legion to attack because reasons. One of them grabs the sceptre. They manage to destroy them but only Ultron remains. He says the only path to peace is the Avengers’ extinction since they stop the human race from evolving. Uh huh. Thor destroys the robot but it begins creating whole bunch of new bodies in Sokovia.

Anyway, we find out that Ultron uploaded himself into the internet and has access to more information than everyone potentially knows about the others. He also could access nuclear codes and… You know, in a modern age, getting into the internet could be a lot more effective than building a bunch of robot bodies. Thor isn’t happy since the lost the Iron Legion suit with the sceptre.

Tony tries to justify his actions, essentially revealing that he’s scared of the aliens that could come attacking. Meanwhile Wanda and Pietro head into a church in Sokovia, Ultron is waiting for them. He’s wearing a cloak for some reason. He unveils and says sh*t that I forgot to care about.

Oh and Ultron’s mouth moves. You know how in the Superhero squad show Iron Man’s suit’s mouth moved? It looked weird then and it looks weird now. Quicksilver quickly reveals their backstory. Their parents were killed in a bombing that used Stark tech and they’ve clearly not been paying attention to any media since then, or just don’t care.

Why does Ultron even give a sh*t though? He’s a robot… unfeeling. Robotic labs and weapons factories have been robbed, fatalities have only been caused when the intruders have been engaged, most attacked by the Maximoffs, Hawkeye is on the phone to someone, this will be important later. Ultron killed Strucker (well so long, it was nice knowing you for all of 30 seconds) and all their files on him have been deleted. So they begin searching their convenient hard copies finding an Ulysses Claue, someone Stark recognises. He finds a brand, a Wakandan brand meaning thief. Wakanda is the most well-known source of Vibranium, the material Captain America’s shield is made of. There’s no adamantium because that’s an X-men thing.

They find him on the African coast on a Churchill ship where they’re busy making weapons. Ultron attacks the facility, forcing evacuation. Ulysses takes a gun but is quickly disarmed. Ultron incapacitates him and forces them to bring out a sample of the vibranium. He transfers some money to him and makes a comment that reminds Ulysses of Tony Stark. This robot takes it so personally that cuts off his arm. Are you sure this is a machine of any sort? Having intellect and being emotional are far from the same thing.

The Avengers confront them and fight fight fight fight fight. Ulysses orders everyone shot. Black Widow has blue things in her suit because reasons. Bruce Banner decides to leave the ship because reasons. Wanda plays with their minds but Barton isn’t taking it, he knocks her out but Quicksilver knocks him out.

Black Widow’s vision – she was part of that Black Widow thing. Cap is confronted by Peggy Carter at a post war dance. Thor sees a man in black, which turns out to be Heimdall, whose eyes have gone white, he says Thor will lead them to hell. Cap’s dance hall turns empty, Thor sees himself killing other Asgardians. Black Widow killed people. Wanda recovers and does her mojo on Banner, turning him into the Hulk.

Iron Man summons his last resort, Veronica, a massive satellite capable of creating a massive Iron Man Suit, the Hulkbuster armour. The Hulk is on a rampage, he’s briefly contained until Iron Man can arrive in the armour and fight fight fight fight fight property damage and more fighting. Veronica is able to restore broken bits of the armour. Seeing he’s having trouble, he tries to take the battle away from civilians. Makes him one up on Superman in Man of Steel. They find a construction site that’s uninhabited and Iron Man drops the Hulk straight through it. Likely costing millions there.

The Hulk transforms back to Banner after seeing all the frightened civilians running away and after being sucker-punched by Iron Man. For some reason they need to stay away from Avengers Tower but Hawkeye has a sanctuary they can use for now. His home where his family live. That’s nice, putting them all in danger. What if Ultron comes looking?

Fury helped set this place up. Thor is still shaken up about his dream and decides to leave. He wants answers and heads away to find them. Cap heads away and Clint and his wife talk. Tony and Cap confront each other over Ultron, again… We get it, they need to be at odds for Civil War.

Meanwhile, in Korea, Doctor Cho is confronted by Ultron, he wants the cradle to create his next self, he uses the sceptre to force it. Black Widow is also facing some troubles, Banner says he has to leave. Widow offers to join him, when he points out that he can’t live a normal life and have children, she mentions that she can’t either. She even goes out to call herself a monster which is kinda sorta justified if it wasn’t within the context of her not having children.

Back to Tony and Cap p*ssing contest, we hear one of the dumbest lines I’ve ever heard

“Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die, always”

If this movie wasn’t an Avengers movie and this was random people vs Random robot this line would almost be enough to make this a rage review on its own. What you’re saying there, Cap is we should never take measures to prevent war! Including peace negotiations, sanctions, compromises, top secret missions etc. Because you know where else innocent people die, WAR! Thousands upon thousands, millions upon millions die in war. So it absolutely right for people to do what they can to prevent war

Now, Cap’s line isn’t ill-intentioned. He sees Ultron as another version of the Heli-carrier thing from Cap 2. But damn it, writers, think through the implications of what you have your characters say.

Anyway, Hawkeye’s wife interrupts and takes him to the barn, presumably to start up a tractor but who's waiting for them? None other than Samuel L Jackson, sorry Nick Fury, I mix those two up (It does count). Tony finally reveals the truth about the vision Wanda implanted into him. Meanwhile Thor meets up with Eric Selvig for some reason.

Fury informs them of the situation which he knows through some old contacts because sure, he still has those. He’s having trouble getting missile launch codes because of an unknown 3^rd party. Bruce somehow figures out the plan, the artificial cells are bonding with the vibranium to create a robot body. The case shatters revealing a gem which he puts into the robots body.

Iron man heads to Nexus to find out about the third party, Nick Fury and Maria head to… explained in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. whilst the others head to China to stop Ultron making the body. Selvig and Thor arrive at a cave. Tony arrives at the Nexus and begins typing into their system, creating a lure for Ultron. Thor enters the waters of the cave and returns to his dream. Whilst I know it was a little heavy on the exposition I think the original plan of having him talk to the Norn gods made more sense, not to mention set up the infinity stones (which he’d later have knowledge about) rather than exasperating nonsense about Thor: Ragnarok.

OK, he does see a bit about the infinity stones. Wanda is able to see the android’s thoughts and realises that he plans to wipe out humanity. Wanda manages to break Doctor Cho out of the spell of the mind stone, allowing her to pause the upload of his consciousness into that body. If he’s in the internet why does he need to be plugged in. Ultron blasts Cho and the other doctors

They begin to move out. Cap finds Cho, who’s still alive, who remarks about the power of the gem, you can’t destroy it, it’s got far too much energy. The Avengers move in on Ultron, with Cap getting into the van transporting the android. Cap takes a direct blast which somehow does not kill him or really even do more than knock him back… Moving on.

We get that trailer scene of Widow’s motorcycle coming out of the Quinjet, insanely impractical, she returns Cap’s shield but is blocked off, at the mercy of the two guard Ultrons, Cap takes another direct blast and ends up causing a big pile up. The Quinjet manages to shake off the two Ultron robots as Pietro and Wanda wonder what to do. Cap knocks Ultron into a train, great, a populated area, good work.

Widow enters the truck but the the two Ultrons lift it into the air, the Quinjet is in pursuit. With Cap on the ropes, Pietro and Wanda intervene, he escapes but the train driver is dead. Widow unholsters the android and sets out of the truck, leaving a bomb to blow it up. Hawkeye catches the android but Widow is grabbed by one of the Ultrons, Cap tells him to get the android to Stark.

The train crashes off the track (where’s Spider-man when you need him?) But thankfully Wanda and buildings slow it down, with Pietro getting people out of the way. Wanda asks about the android, Cap assures her Stark will take care of it but Wanda believes he’ll do anything to make things right.

And she’s absolutely right, turns out it was Jarvis in the systems preventing Ultron getting nuclear codes, he wants to put Jarvis in the body. Is this a good idea? Honestly, Jarvis has already shown he isn’t malevolent. Ultron was an entirely new programme. But of course, not everyone agrees with me and all hell breaks loose until Thor reactivates him for some reason, oh and Ultron’s creating a massive army and has Black Widow prisoner for some reason.

Thor’s brings the android to life, his creation: The Vision, who to my irritation can’t alter his density and phase through walls (or at least doesn't show to have that ability, he can do so in Civil War). He somehow creates a cape and we get an info dump about the infinity gems, it’s one of 6 (that’s 6 Avengers Assemble, 6! NOT 5!) Thor believes Stark is right suddenly and Vision says he’s on the side of life because reasons. Oh and he can lift Thor’s hammer because movie

They prepare for their attack on Sokovia, hoping to destroy every form of Ultron that exists. Stark implants a new system into his armour FRIDAY, Cap briefs them on the mission. Wanda and Pietro try and evacuate as many people as possible so they don’t get caught in the line of fire. Bruce finds Black Widow and blasts open her cell. Bruce wants them to disappear. Iron Man lands in the church, and finds Ultron has a vibranium upgrade, there’s also a device in the ground that’s activating and an army of Ultrons ascending into the city.

The Vision finds Ultron and tries to interface with him but Ultron fights back, Ultron is thrown out of the internet but Ultron activates a device which causes a large chunk of the city to ascend, presumably with some civilian casualties. The plan is to drop the city from a certain heigh and create an extinction level event. Natasha uses pushes Banner into an abyss, needing the Hulk. Even now thought, the Avengers are concentrating on civilians

Wanda’s feeling guilty for having started this, Hawkeye gives here that talk that’s so cliché pointing out it’s a cliché is cliché and more fighting and more fighting. Ultron grabs Thor, Wanda steps out and goes badass on the robots. Pietro is shot in the shoulder by a rookie cop. Iron Man’s analysis reveals a way to blow up the city but Cap’s insistent they don’t leave with one civilian on it.

Who could come in and save them, time for Samuel L Jackson to come into the story with a Heli-carrier that only makes sense if you’ve watched the appropriate episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. They deploy some life rafts that can be used to evacuate the city. Ultron begins to attack the Heli-carrier but War Machine and Iron Man are on the case to defend it. Ultron manages to break through so Fury can have his bad-ass moment.

Thor and the Vision manage to get Ultron away from the device that stops the rockets raising the city. By the way, how come the altitude isn’t causing anyone to lose oxygen, just a thought. Anyway, Iron Man has an idea and calls the Avengers to the church to defend it from Ultron and his army which in spite of everything is still pretty massive.

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight… You know I could go on like this. The real Ultron takes on the Vision, who demonstrates his laser. All the ranged attacks are pointed at Ultron and it weakens him until the Hulk sends him flying. Others try and flee but the Vision and War Machine head out to stop them

Oh now the air’s getting thin! Anyway, the others head out to search for stragglers leaving Wanda guarding the key thing. Ultron lands near the Quinjet, as Natasha goes to try and calm the Hulk down. Hawkeye’s about to leave but finds out about a kid and goes out to save him. Natasha’s efforts to calm the Hulk fail when Ultron attacks from the ship. Hawkeye reaches the kid but Ultron is shooting at them, Quicksilver takes the bullet for Hawkeye. Gee, I wonder if this is because Fox forced him into the X-men movies. Nah, couldn’t be? Could it?

Wanda is devastated and in her anger destroys a dozen of the Ultrons. The Hulk drops Black Widow off at the Heli-carrier and throws Ultron out of the Quinjet. Hawkeye gets the kid to safety, as well as dragging on Pietro’s body. Wanda finds Ultron’s body and destroys it. An Ultron shell heads for the key and activates it, sending the city into free-fall. Iron Man slows its descent, and Thor brings down the lightning. The Vision rescues Wanda just as the city is destroyed.

The Hulk turns off the Quinjet’s com-systems, locking Black Widow out. He’ll return in Thor, for some reason. One Ultron robot survives and the Vision confronts it and destroys it. Hawkeye returns home, his wife is very happy to see him. Tony drives to the new Avengers Facility in upstate New York, which is essentially a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. Black Widow looks at a message from Hawkeye. Fury tells her that with Stark’s cloaking tech they can’t track the Quinjet the Hulk stole, despite the fact Fitz managed to re-engineer it. They reminisce a bit, before saying that only trouble lasts forever

Thor says he trusts Vision with the mind stone, he heads back to Asgard after saying that it’s the fourth such stone that’s shown up the last few years (he knows about the one from Guardians of the Galaxy for some reason) and that can’t be a co-incidence. Tony heads off, saying it’s time for him to tap out. Cap and Natasha are left to train the new Avengers: Featuring the Vision, War Machine, Falcon and Wanda.

In the post-credits scene Thanos gets out of his chair (finally) and puts on the infinity gauntlet, implying he was somehow responsible for Ultron, somehow.

So that was Avengers: Age of Ultron, is it a flawed as f*ck movie? Heck yes. Is it still an entertaining one, hell yeah!

Let me address the 3 primary problems people have with this movie. First is the insane level of puns and yes, there are a lot of puns in this movie, I mean a real load of them. You know why I don’t mind it here whereas I hate it in Avengers Assemble? (the cartoon) first because the actors can pull it off but more importantly they can make the quips while they’re fighting and even mock the idea of talking too much. In Avengers Assemble the puns just stop the action. Having said that, yes, it is really distracting having so many quips come out of the usually very cold Ultron.

The second, all the teasers to the other Avengers movies. It’s not half as bad as you might think. Thor’s dream, his vision quest and the ending. That’s not that much if I’m brutally honest and it’s very little of a well over 2-hour run-time. I suppose the other bit is Cap and Tony arguing constantly because Civil War is coming (well, out by this point but I’m writing this in March) but I felt that was natural to the plot too.

The third and possibly the hardest to defend is the lack of stakes in these movies. Because they’re a shared universe and there are sequels coming, it’s hard to get invested in the conflicts of the characters when you know they’re coming out alive, not least because of the half dozen other Marvel movies they’ve announced. Here’s a thing though, death of superheroes in Superhero movies is not all that common. X-men movies are the only examples I can think of but then they have a massive roster of characters to use (and they use reboots to bring them back to life anyway). The Avengers are growing and they did manage to kill of Pietro, which is something, even if we didn’t know him all that well and he spent half the movie as a villain.

In the end, I think this is mostly a well told story with some great ideas. I know interference forced Joss Whedon away from doing any more, which is sad, but I really don’t consider this a low point in the Avengers.

The other complaint that’s a bit more minor, is it being formulaic. Which brings me to that message I mentioned. Stop ringing the praises of the Raimi Spider-man trilogy, good for you if you like them they’re formulaic as f*ck, and it’d be hypocritical to slam this movie for the same issue. (I personally don’t think they’re very good either) as for me, yeah, there is certainly a formula to the Marvel movies but it’s a similar formula many movies use so it’s not that distracting.  

To be honest, aside from that one line, I don’t have a lot of major issues with this film, I think it serves as a reasonably well told story on its own, and yes it does plenty to establish things for the next films but most are integrated well enough that it doesn’t bother me at all

Oh and Samuel L Fury is great on it

Rage Rating -400%

OK, back to films with a heavier presence of Samuel L Jackson. 

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Images/clips used in this review are from Avengers: Age of Ultron and Avengers Assemble (The Avengers) and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use