TV Retrospective: The Sarah Jane Adventures Series 5 Episodes 9-10 review - The Man Who Never Was (+ lost episodes)

We’re back for a final look at the Sarah Jane Adventures.

The Man who never was part 1

So after the obligatory opening we truly open with an advert from someone who really likes the sound of his own surname, despite it sounding like a sport. No, you didn’t invent the surf board, people have been using it for years, probably longer. He’s launching his stupid product on the 15^th at 5pm.

Of course, it’s playing on a screen to no-one except a procrastinating cleaner can see. She hears something and walks off to investigate, the lift opens partially, someone inside grabs her and forces her in. Luke’s coming home and he quickly sees that his room isn’t his any more. He’s apparently brought along his own shopping list. Oh and gimmick for this episode, Luke had decided to call Clyde and Rani, Clani, I wish he’d thought of this earlier, it’d save me a lot of typing. The introduction between Luke and Sky is… about as awkward as you’d expect.

So, K-9 is busy backing up a library, as he often does... But Luke has now made a dog whistle. How does he explain K-9 to anyone really? Never mind. More sh*t about the Serf Board and there’s a rehearsal for the launch that Sarah Jane has been invited to, Luke and Sky can come with her but Clani (and yes I’ll be using that ship name for the remainder of the retrospective) aren’t coming.

But first, paperwork, if they make any information public before release, they’ll be sued. Lovely though surely not abnormal, although they’d have blag pretty quick since the launch is at 5pm on the same day. Sarah Jane meets Lionel Carson, an old friend who was her editor when she first started with a national newspaper, also there may be potential romance? He’s a bit old-fashioned, which makes for a charming joke between him and Sky.

We meet Harrison and… He’s the villain, you can tell pretty much immediately. Sky can feel a build up of electricity in the air and given she’s very sensitive to that kind of sh*t, that’s something you should pay notice to, not that Luke does, although to his defence, he doesn’t know her that well, and assumes it’s just a storm.

During rehearsal, Luke and Sky notice Joseph Serf glitch, they’re the only two who notice. Carson is completely won over by the spiel and delights in the use of the wave-rider. When they alert Sarah Jane, Luke offers to investigate whilst the others check out the speed egg. Mr Smith gets a recording of the rehearsal, since it was recorded for some reason and with Sky’s help the find the glitch.

Mr Smith draws up data and on Mr Serf, he disappeared publicly in 2007 after a near-fatal skiing accident. We sadly find out later it was actually fatal, sad. Sarah Jane notices he never touches or holds anything in the publicity shots, suggesting he might be a hologram. They get Mr Smith to scan the retro fish, thinking Carson’s reaction might be related to it.

Sarah Jane gets an interview by deliberately letting on that she knows something. She takes Sky as she’s sensitive to the glitches, but immediately drops her off with Luke so she can play word games with Harrison. Mr Smith completes his scan and it’s a low spec laptop computer, Clani decide to boot it up whilst Luke and Sky investigate a hidden level of the building. Clani agree with Mr Smith that the Rhino Chaser is bog standard

Luke and Sky can hear what sounds a little like screaming, they find a group of cloaked figures operating machinery that operates the hologram. In their rush, they begin to make mistakes. Harrison tries to get Serf to hypnotise her but she’s not easily fooled and uses the opportunity to expose the hologram. Unfortunately Harrison has an alien gun and is willing to shoot. Luke and Sky are spotted by the aliens

It’s a solid start to the final story of the season

Rating 7.5/10

The Man who Never Was part 2

Thank god it’s the final time I have to listen to this forced as hell intro. You know in Doctor Who they don’t explain the premise every episode.

Luke and Sky are actually told to leave whilst Sarah Jane fails to use psychology to stop Harrison shooting her, but then Sky activates the hologram, intending to help, but the move ultimately gets Sarah Jane captured with her sonic lipstick out of action. It’s now revealed the aliens down below are wearing some kind of collars that Harrison can use to inhibit pain upon the aliens. The leader of whom is named Plark. Because of course. He punishes Plark for letting the children in. The creatures are Skullions, their ship crash landed in central Asia and the species were put up for sale on the Black Market, I’m told this is a reference to Torchwood, the other Doctor Who spinoff. I would do a retrospective on that series except that mean covering Miracle Day and I refuse to do that. I have some limits.

So, Harrison’s plan is to use the Serf hologram’s hypnotic capabilities to get millions upon millions to buy a Soft-Top. He makes billions on his investment. Rather than disposing of them, he separates with Luke and Sky locked away to talk about the evils of Slavery and Sarah Jane locked in with the cleaner from the first part’s tease.

With the launch only 2 hours away, Clani devise a way to help. One of the skullions brings Luke and Sky water, they need to drink citrus as pure water burns them, not sure how that works but I’ll go along with it. Whilst K-9 is too far away to hear Luke’s whistle, Mr Smith may be in range so Luke sends a message. Clani have passes to enter the launch as journalists for an old-aged newspaper, the real journalists have been stranded thanks to Mr Smith, bastard.

Sarah Jane and the cleaner use a pathetic old trick to escape as Harrison threatens the skullions that if they fail tonight, they’ll die. Sarah Jane rescues Luke and Sky as Clani enter the building in time for the launch, seeing Mr Harrison put a pen in his pocket. Yes, this is leading to exactly what you think it is. Although it appears a second phase has Clyde successful, I think. Sarah Jane uses the cleaning uniform to contact Mr Smith unnoticed and get a rescue vehicle dispatched for the Skullions. Unfortunately, Harrison notices and takes the pen back, just as the Skullions are about to escape.

With the Skullions no longer at the console, it’s up to Luke and Sky to operate the hologram. Hijinks to follow. The Skullions are so screwed. Erm, there’s a line from Toy Story and a line from Luke that makes no goddamn sense. Harrison’s had enough and activates the collars. So Luke and Sky get Serf to tell Clani to grab the pen. They activate the hypnotic power to get everyone to do, and then to smash it. He then tells the reporters to go home and tell everyone the Elphant Gun is a piece of sh*t.

Harrison confronts Sarah Jane on the roof but is quickly disarmed as the Skullion rescue ship arrives, As they’re teleported away Harrison charges at them and is teleported with them. We get a final Sky and Luke bonding session and we end with the most tacked on ending narration yet, filtered with clips from the show and the brief crossovers. It’s tacked on for a reason, this was not meant to be the last episode of the show and it’s really not the best one to go out on.

That said, it’s a good episode, it made me want to punch Harrison hard and repeatedly, glad he’s not making future appearances.

Rating 7.5/10

But that’s not the end of this retrospective. Whilst there is little intel on what the future was to be for this show, it was popular, and likely would’ve lasted a few more seasons had it not been for Elizabeth Sladen’s death.

There were 3 more stories which would’ve been a part of series 5. Meet Mr Smith, which would’ve involved an alien giving Mr Smith a human form, that of Alexander Armstrong, the actor who voiced him. The thirteenth floor to me sounds like a horror episode, it was ultimately re-written into a series called Wizards vs Aliens. I’ve not seen that show, so I have little to go by.

The final story of the series would’ve been the Battle for Bannerman road. In this episode, it’d be retconned that the Trickster instilled a piece of his essence into Sky and manipulated events so she’d wind up with Sarah Jane. As someone who loves the Trickster, this would’ve been a great episode to do, as it’d elevate the Trickster beyond being a purely psychological villain, as he has been in the past. His defeat, by the sound of it, would come at a price. Sky would have to guard him. The episode would’ve also seen the return of Santiago and Jo Jones, and I suspect the Captain and the Shopkeeper, who Russel T Davies says was the recently killed Time Lord the Corsair. would also have made an appearance

But speaking of, did you know that the Doctor was initially going to appear in the Sky two-parter? I honestly think using the Captain and the mysterious shopkeeper was the better choice for the intended role of the episode.

Russel T Davies revealed that Luke was going to come out as gay, with the often-referenced Sanjay being his lover. One could argue that the BBC wanting this means it would’ve felt forced, but I still feel like this would be a natural direction for his character. Clani were going to become official as a couple by seasons end.

I really wish these stories were adapted into novels. I know the 13^th floor (regarded highly in Wizards vs Aliens I hear) was already adapted into Wizards vs Aliens but I’d like to see the Sarah Jane Adventures continue in novel form. I think enough time has past for us to get a good look at the future that never came to be.