#55 Antboy: Revenge of the Red Fury

Back in 2015 I reviewed the Danish super-hero film Antboy: a truly awful Superhero movie featuring unlikable protagonists, a growly villain, exceptionally slow pacing and reference to much better stories I could’ve been reading instead. I said at the time I wasn’t going to review the sequel but… I’m reviewing the sequel. Hey, we don’t have to worry about the origin now, maybe it can be better, right…

After the obligatory logos we get an opening title sequence to remind you it’s a comic book movie. It’s visually interesting and has some decent music but let’s get to the point shall we, for some reason the title sparks. We open with 2 villains bumbling into a museum to steal some jewellery. They begin hearing noises and… does this museum have any security? How did Antboy know they’d be here? Let’s begin the new series of obnoxious narration, shall we? So after he just leaves the crooks lying unconscious in the museum, we cut to the other two members of Antboy’s entourage (checks IMDb) Willhelm and Ida, they’re at a movie and Willhelm, being the best friend just goes in without them to catch the trailer for the new Marvel film. Given time of release, that would be Age of Ultron… oh dear…

Fortunately, Pelle catches up with them and they all watch the film, well, Pelle falls asleep but what can you do. This theatre is rather empty, but apparently Willhelm has already watched it 4 times, and is now complaining about how bad it is. Thank you for reminding me of reasons I didn’t like Willhelm in the first one. I mean who would watch movies multiple times just to complain about them, that sounds ridiculous right?

Right?

Willhelm has found The Amazing Spider-man #129 on Amazon, you know that issue that introduced the Punisher and the Jackal… Wouldn’t that be so much better than this movie? OK, maybe not the Jackal, but the Punisher’s supposed to be popular, he has own Netflix series that I will cover the day hell freezes over. Ida makes some environmental guff about trees to make comics, he’s talking about a copy from 1974! Ida, you’re a moron, moving on. Willhelm describes himself as Oracle, Lucius Fox and Alfred Pennyworth. Why am I not reading stories about them, why am I stuck watching this sh*t?

I know but they make it so easy. Ida asks if Pelle is going to the party, basically inviting him as her date. Awww, that’s so sweet, let’s hope nothing contrived and stupid happens to make this more a conflict. Before Pelle can respond, he hears some screaming, there are a couple of morons on the ice, actually 3 morons, including this nerd girl, we can tell she’s a nerd because of the massive glasses and the fact that girls don’t like her. For no reason at all, the other two morons push her over, knocking out her glasses and begin circling around her.

Antboy comes to her aid and they attack him for some reason. Also he’s somehow very stable on the ice despite not wearing skates. He defeats them easily and gets a cheer from the crowd, the crowd that were just as involved in bullying her earlier. The Nerd is named Maria, Antboy creepily comments that she smells like vanilla. Do Swedish people usually go around telling people what they smell like? For reasons that completely… oh jesus… Maria tries to invite him to the school party as her date. Antboy, you already agreed to go with Ida, say no! Even if you did come, you’d be drawing attention towards yourself, potentially at the expense of Maria. This is a really dumb idea… but we need something to drive the conflict of this movie so he relents. Just everyone facepalm and I’ll just play the clip.

Maria returns to her house, where we see her father is an inventor. He’s made a coat called a ‘Lux reflector’ which is supposed to make him invisible, it fails miserably and this scene goes on far too long. We see that Maria is in fact somewhat of a creep, with photos of ant-boy plastered over her ceiling. For no reason we’re suddenly in a comic-book inspired imagination segment.

Time for a joke about Antboy’s acidic piss. He breaks the toilet. OK, it’s implied he’s been Antboy for a while now, if he can’t pee without breaking your toilet, someone should’ve noticed! Willhelm provides him a thing to piss in, nice… Whilst it’s acid-proof presumably it has to be emptied at some point, and the whole thing starts over. Willhelm also tells him he can’t go to the party as crime skyrockets this time of year… Pelle’s picks up the scent of Kale crisps and time to be introduced to Pelle’s love rival. Excuse me whilst I go kill myself

Missed, damn, guess I’ll have to keep going. His name’s Christian and he’ll have little bearing on anything. Also, I hate Christian far beyond how much I think they intended. Pelle asks about the invite but Ida reminds him about the other girl. Oh goody, love triangles in both directions, this isn’t overly contrived bullsh*t, no… One bullet left in the gun, I’m off to give it another shot

F*CK IT ALL, I missed again. But she does say he can help set up a playlist and come around at 6. I will say, I think the dubbing is better this time around, maybe they’re learning. Maybe not. Maria is preparing for her date as Pelle heads over to find a playlist but Willhelm tells him about a break-in at the bank caught on police scanner. The police are apparently too far out… they still have cars, they’ll probably get there quicker than a kid on his bike, also why do I feel less like Pelle wants to be Antboy and more that Willhelm is forcing him to be Antboy?

Maria’s father is busy making modifications to his invisibility thing as Maria shows off her costume and we get some forced exposition about her dead mother. Calling it, she’s going to be the villain. Cut tot the party where Willhelm is downing some green sh*t and some bullies show up to be sh*tty to Maria for no reason. Antboy is about to come in but sees Ida with Christian and decides to go in as Pelle, wearing only the best knitted sweater. Ida for no reason decides to be sh*tty, she knows about him being Antboy, why is this even a problem?! Pelle changes the music to the most embarrassing sh*t I’ve ever heard so Christian changes it back. Pelle heads off. OK, Pelle, don’t make this sh*t completely stupid, get back in costume and have your ‘date’ with Maria… Or don’t and make her feel even more depressed than ever so much that she decides to stay behind whilst everyone else has left.

In a blind range, she tears down all her creepy Antboy pictures, but ends up shattering a bottle of perfume her mother made. Maria’s father tells Maria via note to throw the suit out as it’ll never work, conveniently just as it starts to work. Maria has the totally rational idea to use this suit to get revenge on Antboy, even making her own modifications to the costume. At Dragsholm prison, the Flea is back… oh goody, I totally missed him.

You remember those pathetic dweeb bullies from earlier, the skater ones, yeah they break into the Flea’s house, I don’t know or care why. The confirm that they love being evil the same way Bush the Bully does in Cool Cat. And you know you’ve f*cked up when I’m comparing you to f*cking Cool Cat. Also, this review has just been copyright claimed by Derek Savage. I think I’m far too late on this one… Moving on…

So they bumble into the Flea’s lab, finding animals that despite having been abandoned in jars for presumably some time are still alive. Being the brain trusts that they are, one of them puts their hand in a jar and gets bitten by a beetle I think, the other one experiences the same thing when trying to pick him up. They both fall unconscious as Pelle did in the first movie.

Next is a scene that I would’ve liked if they decided to use it to make Christian not such a douche but no, they just re-enforce my hatred of him. Here’s the thing about this scene, Christian calls him too common but Pelle knows he is not, and he knows that Ida knows this too. Ala, he should know that Christian’s talking sh*t! Also, I hate Christian, get him off my screen! Antboy decides to be a creepy stalker and watch Ida from a tree. Didn’t she used to have a sister. He rides home and spots the numbskulls on a rampage of vandalism for no reason. Antboy uses his best one-liners to kill time before actually doing something. And by best one-liners I mean they’re some of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard. They’re the terror twins now

Not them! DC, sue something! Anyway, the leader of the two throws him over a hedge and that’s enough to make him start coughing. He tries to crush him with the obviously fake prop but they run out of energy and run away. Antboy doesn’t give chase because he’s an idiot. Also, Maria’s watching, knowing this was going on… somehow. She recognises him as Pelle, fuelling her anger towards him. Oh yeah, he took his mask off for no reason, do I even have to use the clip again?

Willhelm asks if the Flea may be involved, saying the Joker concocted some his most evil schemes whilst in prison. Like the one in Arkham Asylum, I could be playing Arkham Asylum right now. He also calls Christian his arch enemy. He’s a douchebag with a bad haircut and a penchant for being a preachy jackass, also Ida’s fallen for him because this conflict needs to be dragged out, calling him your arch enemy is like me calling this movie my arch enemy… everyone knows it’s The Last Airbender, or anything with Drake Bell moving on.

With some motivating words from the guy who cares about as much about love as the average 10-year old, Pelle plucks up the courage to talk to her, but someone pulls his trousers down. Are you f*cking serious? This is the level we’re getting to now? Breathe... It’s for kids... It’s gonna have some childish humour... It’s just a joke... It’s not like it’s an important point and… It’s part of Maria’s plan, isn’t it? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry about that, I think I’ve downed enough pills to hopefully avoid an episode like that again, so where were we, after taking too long to pull up his pants, he runs off and heads back home. His remote control car drives off his desk, his teddy begins moving in a creepy fashion, although if you’re banking on it being scary... No, not really… Question: wouldn’t Maria still make audible footsteps? How did she even get in the room?

We seriously get the ‘they’re not dolls, they’re action figures’ line because why not at this point? Pelle goes to Willhelm, thinking someone has it out for him. Willhelm finds a video of Pelle’s trousers being pulled down. Youtube Heroes to the rescue! Willhelm tells Pelle he needs to see this… why? He just wanted to embarrass him, bad friend! He sees an apparition in the recording, a red poltergeist if you will, a Fury or so he calls her. Look, we all know it’s Maria, this is pointless.

Willhelm gives Pelle some tools to help him find his phantom friend. An EMF meter, some infra-red goggles and a microphone. So how’s that second re-mortgage working out, anyway? So after some sleepover fun, and neither of these boys told their parents about the sleepover, we cut back school. Willhelm is watching Pelle with the infra-red goggles. Ida approaches him and my god this is awkward, she knows your secrets, tell her the f*cking truth. Willhelm spots a third person with them, who forces Pelle to chuck his coffee at Ida, angering her.

Willhelm gives chase and they’re skipping class now, speaking of why isn’t Maria at class anyway. They chase into that parking lot from the first movie but Willhelm is knocked back. Antboy continues, following the EMF meter to the apartment Maria lives in. He sees all the torn-up pictures in her room and begins to explore the house. He finds a file with notes about bending light and invisibility and comes to the conclusion that a full-grown adult felt it necessary to pull down his goddamn trousers and pour coffee on his crush for no reason. Someone find me a brick wall

And the pain from that is still lesser than the pain of listening to so much stupid. It’s so dumb…

So, the dad comes in and Antboy decides to attack him.

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I’ve just realised something, he heard the fury’s voice, he must realise she’s female. This move makes even less sense. The Red Fury suit starts sparking, the father pushes Antboy out of harm’s way and he ends up with a bookcase on top of him. Hey, proportionate strength of an Ant, maybe you could lift it up. He’s taken to hospital and Maria is left in the house alone.

She pays a visit to the Flea and reveals her motivation to him, so the Flea can see she’s just a petulant child. I would’ve loved him just to tell her to stuff it, but that would be too clever for this movie, so naturally he tells her about his sugar weakness. Oh and he somehow knows about the Terror Twins despite being in prison the entire time. So… Antboy was bitten by an ant and needs a constant supply of sugar, The Flea was bitten by a flea and needs blood, so the two bitten by a beetle, do they need to have a constant supply of sh*t? Apparently ‘plant juice,’ eh, mine was better.

So, with Antboy satisfied with a job well done but Willhelm is rightfully sceptical, Pelle goes to apologise to Ida, I think. He stands outside her house like a creep and breathes in her scent. This guy’s gonna have a rough puberty, I can just tell. He spots Christian with her, and that makes Pelle give up. And I don’t just mean in apologising to Ida

And with this, we get the biggest problem with this movie, and the Antboy movies in general. Pelle has no motivation to be a superhero. Think about it: Superman wants to uphold the values he grew up with, using his powers when he needs to. Batman wants to make sure no-one experiences the same losses he had as a child. Spider-man knows that not using his powers would lead to more deaths like his Uncle Ben, Iron Man was born out of a need to survive and became a public figure, Wonder Woman has an undying love for humanity and wishes to stand for love and truth, Captain America is a soldier who fights for the ideals he sought to defend during the war, even during a new era. Antboy… he fights crime because Willhelm told him that’s what he should do.

I suppose the easiest comparison at this point would be the Static shock TV series. The dynamic between Virgil and Richee isn’t dissimilar. Except they’d known each other for years and with his rise came a new generation of super-powered foes the police couldn’t handle. Richee may have suggested he become a superhero but not only was there a sense that he, at least to an extent, enjoyed it, but Virgil became Static to fight for the underdogs, like he was before his powers. Antboy was the underdog too but his first villain was someone who had it out for Ida’s father. He has no motivation to keep him going. That saga in his life is closed.

Also, Pelle is selfish, wondering what’s in it for him to continue going. It’s not like I haven’t seen this play out before, but I’m not rooting for Pelle to get back in the fight the way I was *sigh* for Spider-man in Spider-man 2. See, you’ve made me compare you to another movie I don’t like. Let’s move on, shall we?

So, Willhelm dishes out a bunch of clichés that really don’t solve his problems at all. Meanwhile, the Terror Twins are doing the most evil thing they can think of, firing paint-balls at a picture of Antboy they have now. They hear some music as the Red Fury is getting their attention, for some reason she makes them think it’s the mother of the Flea for reasons so dumb my head is spinning. She gives them some plant juice to help with their strength. She somehow sneaks into Pelle’s room and replaces his sugar candies with sugar-free ones. He just hangs his costume in his wardrobe… Why am I even surprised…

So he eats his chocolate, not immediately noticing the sugarless taste because apparently he has no taste-buds. Apparently the sugar-free chocolate is so bad it robs him of any energy and knocks him down. Hate to tell you but that’s not how muscles work. He’s captured by the Terror Twins.

So, Christian’s set up an anti-meat rally, or possibly anti-chicken given all the signs. Willhelm gives Ida a call, sending her a link to photo of Antboy captured. How Willhelm got this I don’t know, did Maria release it publicly or did she send it to Willhelm, if the latter how did she contact Willhelm, and if the former, how come more people don’t know about it? She ditches Christian to go and help. Christian says ‘I’ve scraped stuff off my shoe that has more personality than him” ok, a line that painfully stupid isn’t going untouched, so here are my top 5 responses

At number 5: What kind of hideous lifeforms are growing on your shoes?

And at 4: I was about to say the same about you, Christian

At 3: You see where you’re going wrong, writers? Maybe you should try and change that.

At 2: Telling your maybe love interest that one of her friends has no personality, great way to cement a friendship

And a number one: My point is that Christian is a

Maybe I’m going too over the top…

“I’m trying to save the world, what’s he ever done?”

No, apparently, I’m not, you’re doing a vegan rally outside your f*cking high school. Get a sense of perspective you ego-driven haircut!

Back at the house of evil, Antboy is being filmed, so apparently this was available publicly. OK… She’s about to unmask him, as the Flea watches from his cell, but Willhelm and Ida somehow know how to cut the power to the house and stop the broadcast, much to the Flea’s disdain. Apparently a lack of power has rendered everyone blind as Willhelm is able to use his infra-red specs to rescue Antboy completely undetected. BULLSH*T! Antboy had peed in that little container and Willhelm is able to use the acid to melt through the chains. Ida shows up and is dragged away through a door that without his strength, Antboy can’t break through.

The Fury starts throwing plates at him. Meanwhile the Terror twins confront Willhelm and Ida is being gassed, I think. Willhelm manages to hide as the Red Fury begins taunting Antboy, and this line Is heard "Now you know how it feels to be alone, with everyone against you." Everyone against him, Willhelm isn’t against him, Ida isn’t against him, the rest of the world just heard you, some random person they’ve never met call him a liar for no explained reason. Also, this motivation is so dreary, she’s so petulant I want to slap her. Antboy recognises her scent and realises she’s Maria, FINALLY!

He tries to relate to her situation, which could work if he wasn’t the root cause of her ‘pain.’ He does finally apologise and apparently this is all it took for her to retreat, although it might be that her suit was malfunctioning. The leader of the terror twins confronts him but with no sugar, Antboy’s no match for him. Willhelm uses the stupidity of the other twin to his advantage and gets his head stuck in a fridge. Antboy’s down for the count and Ida’s still trapped with little hope of rescue, time for one of the most out of nowhere change of allegiances you’ve ever seen. Oh and Red Fury still has Antboy’s chocolate for no reason. Also for no reason, she unmasks in front of the lead terror twin, who tells her to get lost, she turns invisible and manages to rescue Antboy by turning him invisible as well. She gives him back his chocolate, a rather inefficient delivery of sugar, takes him ages just to eat the goddamn thing.

So, with Antboy back to full strength he’s able to take out a full juiced terror twin in no time flat. Of course that’s how that works. The other Terror Twin dies from a broken neck, or at least that’s what that scene of him lifting the fridge up with his neck implies. They manage to get Ida out but it’s time for a death fake-out. You really ought to know how lazy this trope is!

So, Antboy goes to have a ‘talk’ with Red Fury, who has had a complete turnaround in motivation, apologises and promises to destroy the suit and never wear it again. Willhelm stops by, they smile and that’s enough to make Antboy think they could be a duo. The Terror Twins are sentenced for vandalism and disturbing the peace, it’s weird thinking that the theft of some jewels is the most major crime we see Antboy fight in the entire movie. And we end with more obnoxious narration as we see Red Fury stopping Crime so Antboy and Ida can have their non-existent chemistry and finally this movie is over.

Good Lord, why did I subject myself to this again?

Antboy: Revenge of the Red Fury is a dumb movie, and not in the fun way. The plot still moves at a snails pace and the villains don’t have the gravitas someone like the Flea did and he wasn’t that great a villain either. Red Fury is essentially Electro without the accident, so Electro without the bit that made him slightly interesting. Aside from being Pelle’s love interest, Ida has nothing to do in this movie other than be the damsel, which is disappointing. Willhelm is more tolerable than the last one, at the very least he isn’t complaining about cooties.

Antboy didn’t accomplish anything, the threats he faces are small scale, it’s not about the city, it’s about 1 life or in this case, just surviving. I get the idea they wanted to go for with Antboy having created his foe, something you see often in superhero material. The problem here is the way the origin is handled, also Maria is a badly written character, plain and simple. Like she’s on the same level as Electro in the Amazing Spider-man 2, but at least he had conviction, and an event that actually changed his life.

I covered a lot of my problems with Pelle in the review itself, I have little more to say about, just know that’s not that interesting as a character but by god, Christian is the worst character in the movie. He contributes nothing to the plot and is all but forgotten about by the end. Please don’t have him show up again in Antboy 3. (Yes, there’s going to be one of those)

THIS MOVIE GIVES ME RAGE ISSUES

Rating 300%