Guilty Pleasures #47 - IT part 1 (A Strange Halloween)

Tracking its pray like a well-oiled machine

IT is coming on this Strange Halloween

How better to compliment a series about kids going up against a monster than another one. This is IT, and it’s seriously it, because we’ll be doing all of it over the next 3 weeks.

The popular Steven King Novel has received 2 notable adaptations, before we get to the movie, let’s start with the mini-series. And it’s a long one so we’re going to be doing it in 2 parts. The disk I have is double-sided, we’ll do each side separately. Unlike with the Secret Empire review though, I think it’s fairer to grade them separately. You’ll probably see why in part 2

But enough of the chit-chat, let’s start this ITrospective

The credits roll over a photo album with stills from the movie and setting, but we cut via movie theatre to the future where cheesy fake lightning rains from the skies and it still looks half sunny out, can’t wait to see the rainbow. A kid rides her bike home, but when she gets there she sees a clown in the washing, which is still out in the middle of a storm for some reason and the next minute she disappears, much to her mother’s over the top screech.

A crime scene is set up and one in a trench-coat stands around and does nothing. He’s our main character, Mike. Also these subtitles are some of the worst I’ve seen in a while, 5 is mistranslated as 7, how do you do that? The chief dismisses his claims that something’s wrong here and tells him to go back running a library. He finds a photo waiting for him, turns out it’s of a kid named Georgie.

He dictates what he’s writing in his diary, saying he needs to call the others. We cut to a giant freaking mansion in Hampsted Heath as our next character, Bill, is busy writing his story. His wife comes to get him for dinner. The two argue about him actually working as he’s apparently a successful writer who’s trying to screen-write one of his own books. Ask Steven King how that turned out for him.

The phone rings and it’s time for a recurring theme here, flashbacks. The main focus of the story is told in flashbacks, the problem is this style means there’s no tension, as we know all the characters making the flashbacks will make it out alive. Better yet, we see the ending in the first 5 minutes! Bill hears the name Georgie and it’s time for his flashback..

Mother playing piano, check, Bill ill in bed, check, impossibly cutesy kid who sounds like no kid ever sounded in reality, check check. Well, here’s to a brutal murder in 5, 4, 3, 2, Bill made Georgie a paper boat, so we’re gonna stall for time as it needs sealing with paraffin in the *gasp* cellar! I guess it foreshadows scene later, but thankfully it’s over quickly. Erm, quick question though, Georgie gives Bill and kiss on the cheek, and he moans about cooties. Forgive me if I’m wrong but isn’t cooties more about a kiss from the opposite sex or… WHAT THE F*CK AM I TALKING ABOUT, LET’S GET TO THE CLOWN ALREADY!

It’s another bright day pretending to be raining as the boat falls into a storm drain. Most kids would write this off as a lost cause but Georgie isn’t too bright, so he begins talking to the clown in the drain. The clown introduces himself as Pennywise, and he’s played marvellously by Tim Curry. Pennywise tempts Georgie with his boat and a promise of balloons and sh*t.

Georgie for some reason asks if they float, and if we were to see any more of the clown, I’m sure we’d see his erection as he talks about them floating. Georgie is presumed dead, must to the upset of all our main cast, including poor Bill, who checks in on the family photos, until the photo of Georgie winks at him and blood begins pouring out of the book. The parents respond to his screaming but are assholes to Bill because that’s a theme of this book, also they don’t notice the blood at all.

And now for a weird bit, it seems as though Mike didn’t remember the events, the way it’s presented here though as if they’d deliberately blocked the memories and the flashbacks are how they come to remember things. The amnesia is in the book but it’s resolved differently. Mike tells his wife he has to go, much to her confusion, when she offers to go with him, he begs her not to.

Cut to New York City and meet our next character Ben, he’s an architect and just won an award, but now he’s plastered and doesn’t care that he broke it. He heads with a lady friend into his house with a garage door. And the two keep flirting with Ben saying how he was fat? OK… Whatever turns you on I guess.

The phone rings so guess it’s time for another flashback. He decides to head up to the 16^th floor of a building under construction and looks over the edge, I guess scaring the flashback into existence? Ben was the new kid at school who quickly earns the ire of the school bullies when they call him a ‘porker’ and get detention. Of course, the teacher says nothing when the bullies say ‘you’re dead, fat boy’ in public, in front of everyone.

Ben leaves school and fawns over a girl named Beverly, we’ll get to her later. On his way home he’s cornered by the bullies, the lead bully is Henry, who is about to cut Ben in the stomach with a knife, even to the objection of the other two. Ben kicks himself free and in the process falls down a hill to a nearby stream. He hides in a tunnel as the bullies find Bill and one of the other kids who hasn’t been introduced yet, he has asthma and finds his medication is empty. Ben offers to stay with him whilst Bill goes off to get some more medicine. Considering what we find out later, isn’t that extremely dangerous?

We’re finally told his name is Eddie as Bill comes back with his asthma medication, which he suddenly doesn’t seem to be needing. The trio hit off with Looney Tunes references. Next we see Ben at home, writing a poem for Bev, and his home life isn’t that happy either, as his cousin turns him violent. OK, you got the poem back, was there really a need to beat him up too? In a shocker for the books, his mother isn’t an asshole, but when faced with the prospect of apologising, he runs off.

You know we haven’t seen Pennywise in a while, so here his pretending to be Ben’s father, slowly transforming back into the clown for no reason. Then a skeleton tries to grab him. OK… Back in the present, Ben has his memory back.

Next up, Bev, open in Chicago where it’s revealed Bev has an extremely controlling husband. He wants them to play their parts to make a deal with some rich Japanese businessmen. Bev is a little uneasy from hearing the name Maine. Deal sealed the two celebrate in bed, the phone rings again and Bev answers it. Mike tells her what’s going on and she’s soon packing, much to the displeasure of her husband.

He prepares to whip her but she knocks him down with a clay pot and threatens to kill him if he ever comes near her again. Divorce lawyers are gonna have a field day with this one. Also, the boyfriend is a terrible actor. Flashback in 3, 2, 1.

Bev gets the card from Ben and reads it aloud for some reason, so the abusive father can hear it, she runs off with Ben seeing some of the threats her father made through the window. She cries in the bushes and Ben comes to comfort her, he decides to bring her with him to Eddie and Bill, as the continue to build the damn the bullies destroyed yesterday. There’s immediate semi-chemistry between Bill and Bev, and we’re quickly introduced to 2 kids who decided to show up for no reason. One is Richie and the other is Stan, Richie does voices, of what I couldn’t tell you and Stan is jewish, so he’s smart or something…

So the gang’s all here, except Mike, and they build the dam, which is great and all but why were they building it anyway? Bev for reasons of dumb stupidity thinks that Bill wrote the poem. Why? Why not the person who was there who was in the neighbourhood 5 seconds after you read it. Bev returns home and hears a voice in her sink asking for help, a balloon inflates in the sink and bursts spreading blood all over her, she immediately calls her father but he sees nothing.

Pennywise, for no reason at all, decides to tell her she’ll die if she tries to fight them. Kay… moving on. Great Neck, New York. Eddie is in the grip of his mother, despite being a full grown adult, kay… He owns some kind of drivers business, of course he does. Every single member of ‘Losers’ club’ so far has been rich and famous in some way (except Mike who stayed in Maine)… Just seems odd to me. He’s already had the phone call, time for the flashback.

The Losers’ club is watching a scary film and Eddie ‘accidentally’ throws his popcorn over the bullies. Richie is not so subtle, pouring his drink over them and loudly announcing the fact. The boys run and end up back at the creepy house in the middle of the bog that Ben saw his initial vision at. Bev kisses Richie and…

And then Eddie

Eddie sees how horrified Ben is looking at the house but enough about that, we get to see his mother keep a tight grip on him as a kid too. She tells him not to shower with the other boys but the gym teacher has other ideas. He heads into the shower and soon the others begin to turn on, and get hotter, and start stretching out the walls. Pennywise is in the drain, and comes out via cr*ppy looking animation. Eddie begins to have an asthma attack but ultimately… does nothing at all.

Right, who’s next? Turns out Richie has become a full-on comedian with a bunch of people at his beckon call. People who are not pleased when he says he has to go to Maine. Time for another flashback. I know, I was surprised too.

Bill tells one of his stories which impresses the members of the Losers club. And they end up in trouble with the police because of the dam…. Yeah, that’s a thing, why the f*ck did they want to build a dam. With another murder having happened, he makes the Losers club promise to stick together. So, that’s 2 adults that aren’t horrible in Maine, doesn’t that go against the entire plot of this? We’ll get to it.

The bullies confront Stan and Richie, demanding to know who threw the drink at the theatre, Richie pushes his plate of food into Henry and the three slip trying to chase him, to the mockery of the school. Unfortunately for Richie, he runs straight into a teacher’s lunch and is forced to go get a mop. He heads into the boiler room and finds the greatest horror so far, a cheap looking werewolf mask! Of course, Pennywise… does nothing

Who’s next? I guess it’s time for Mike himself to actually have some input in this story, since he’s not been in it so far. He continues writing his memoirs, he’s a kid in class we haven’t seen yet for some reason and is giving a history presentation on Maine’s history and its various disasters and mysteries that are likely all the work of Pennywise.

Mike runs into the bullies, who reveal themselves here to be racists c*nts. And I know you’re thinking, he’s never used that word before. Henry is about to stick a firework in Mike’s pocket. And this the other two are OK with. So firework in pocket = ok, knife = bad. One of the nice adults stops them and gives Mike an opportunity to escape.

The other kids are now for some reason on a digger talking about their encounters with Pennywise. Mike runs towards them, with the bullies, now numbering 4 for some reason, wait now it’s 5, aren’t there supposed to be only 3 or are 2 there racist c*nts who won’t bully fat kids?

The Losers club use rocks, it becomes a full on rock fight, until all but Henry remain, he promises to kill them all before leaving. Mike joins the Losers club and it’s time for a photo. His file has more pictures of Pennywise being responsible for various disasters and the book begins flipping like the photo album with Bill. The scene in the photo starts moving and we see some balloons in the background. Pennywise spots them and begins monologuing at them, how scary!

Stan hadn’t seen Pennywise up to now but now is on board with them. They realise that the adults don’t see because they’ve stopped believing? This isn’t f*cking Santa Claus, it’s a giant killer clown that eats children and when I say that out loud I get your damned point! Anyway, if they tell anyone they’ll be considered lunatics so they have to handle this themselves.

So, everyone agrees to help stop the monster and thus ends Mike’s flashback. He sees footprints in the library and finds a yellow balloon next to him. How scary. Cut to Georgia for the last of these flashbacks. Stan is talking about having sex with his wife when the phone rings, Mike tells him about It’s return, and he goes to the bathroom, clearly spooked by this revelation. He runs the water and it’s time for the final flashback, which conveniently takes place right after the last one

Bev shows herself to be a good shot with a slingshot, and Richie shows he has some silver earings to kill it with. Stan argues that’s just stuff in movies and well, you got a better idea? The head to the weird house in the middle of the field where Pennywise showed up before and for some reason all take a breath from Eddie’s inhaler, you know that’s incredibly dangerous, right?

Henry and 2 of the 4 bullies he was with earlier lie in wait outside the house and he tells the audience they’re not coming out. They head down to an old sewer entrance. One of the bullies is sent to draw the kids out to the others. The lone bully gets attacked by Pennywise offscreen. Since he isn’t a main character he’s likely dead. Henry and the bully who burps get Stan first and none of the others seem to notice for a good while, they’re good friends like that.

As Henry is about to kill Stan, the pipe behind them explodes and the kid who burps is dragged down the pipe. Henry calls out to him, and is transformed into an old man as Stan makes a run for it and catches up to the others, thanks to the magic of friendship otherwise known as plot convenience, they aren’t harmed at all. But the room begins filling up with mist, they begin holding hands again and each of them of them begin to experience their fears.

Stan finds he was holding hands with Pennywise and at that point Bev drops the silver earing. Pennywise monologues some more, Eddie distracts is with his inhaler which hurts it whilst Bev gets a shot to his head, it retreats down a hole in a sewer tunnel, and is presumed to be defeated if not everyone believing it’s dead.

They leave and Bill asks the others to swear that if it isn’t dead, they’ll come back and finish the job. Everyone agrees to and thankfully they don’t copy how this went down in the book. Let’s not go there for now. We end the final flashback with Stan’s wife coming upstairs to find Stan dead in the Bath. He’s written the word IT on the wall.

So that was part 1 of IT, and it wasn’t too bad overall. Despite some obviously cheap visual effects it was reasonably engaging and the pacing wasn’t horrific like you think it’d be. It helps that the book this is based on is huge so there’s plenty of story to tell. It’s also good that the kids they chose actually handle acting pretty well.

The problem I have lies more with the adults, which does not bode well for part 2. Also, Pennywise didn’t made much of an impression yet, don’t worry, he will, he will…

Rating -140%

The prophesied future is not yet foreseen

Part 2 is next week on a strange Halloween