Guilty Pleasures #19 - Batman Forever

Ah, it’s been a while since we’ve looked at a live action Batman movie, so let’s continue from where we left off and examine an interesting piece known as Batman Forever.

Batman returns, whilst making money at the box office didn’t succeed commercially, partially I think down to the fact that it did everything in its power not to be suitable for kids other than swearing. So Tim Burton got booted down to producer and Warner Bros. hired a new director, Joel Schumacher.

Yeah, I’ll join the bandwagon of Schumacher bashing when I get to Batman and Robin. Or possibly during this review. Warner Bros wanted a more mainstream Batman movie, Keaton decided to depart after disagreeing with the changes and Val Kilmer was hired and as far as I can tell it was almost immediate and Kilmer had no idea what he was signing on for.

Whilst Burton pandered to the very early days of comics, the very, very, very early days, Schumacher was more in favour of style like the Adam West Batman show so cue puns, cheese and general good times right? Let’s just dive in

So after the opening title sequence we see Batman suiting up, his suit is pretty much in the last few movies but with one notable addition. Ah, here we the origins of the bat-nipples, there to… there to… moving on

Then anyone expecting a dark serious movie will be disappointed by the first lines of dialogue

“Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you sir?”
“I’ll get drive through” That is literally only for a McDonalds advert. Don't believe me, here it is

So Bats heads off in his Batmobile into Neon Gotham, where Two Face, who is now white and played by Tommy Lee Jones, is robbing a bank. He gives an explanation to a hostage about his coin, although the inclusion of the word “do-da” was unnecessary. He flips his coin and it lands heads, his victim will be kept alive but first he’s placed into a vault, as bait for Batman.

Oh my god, I find a guy in a black rubber suit sexy. I need therapy

Batman talks to commissioner Gordon and Meridian Chase. Erm, hello Batman, there’s a hostage situation. Every moment you waste means his life expectancy is getting shorter. Stop flirting and rescue the bloody hostage! Finally he pulls his disappearing trick as Two Face uses a wrecking ball (which he got to that floor how?) as Batman uses the elevator to get up there, obviously waiting on top as the obvious trap is sprung.

Harvey sets his goons on Batman, but Batman defeats them and he finds the hostage inside the vault, the vault closes and it’s dragged out by Two Face’s helicopter. The vault then begins to fill with acid, wait what? Where did that acid come from and why would Two Face rig the vault which contains the money he’s stealing with acid that would dissolve it?

And our hostage’s acting is… It’s terrible. Great direction Schumacher!

Batman hacks the vault with a hearing aid (I heard security in Gotham banks was terrible) and Harvey is very upset. Batman burns through the chain holding the vault, with one of his grappling lines allowing the vault to swing right back where it came from, which means it can’t have moved very far. Oh and Batman leaves the hostage on the vault, he would’ve died if there was even a slight error in that calculation. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

So as Chase stares, Batman tries to climb the chain as Two Face takes control of the helicopter to try and shake him off. He fails and leaves the helicopter locked to crash into the Lady of Gotham as he parachutes out. Naturally Batman survives this.

Nice reference to Harvey's ying/yang personality. No joke it's just I kinda like it, although they should've used white instead of red

After some god-awful CGI Bruce Wayne actually visits his company. My god, I don’t think this happened in either of the last two movies. Anyway, our friend Edward Nygma is clearly excited to see Bruce Wayne.

After some flattery, Nygma explains that he has created a machine that projects TV into the human brain and makes them feel as if they’re inside the show through brainwave manipulation. Bruce Wayne says that this raises too many questions.

Here are some of them:

Do you physically feel what the characters feel?

Do you take on the mantle of one of the characters?

Can you walk around in the environment?

What if you’re watching from the perspective of a character about to be killed?

What if it’s a gory saw-like horror series?

Do you have any awareness of the outside world?

How did this even make prototype?

Nygma is traumatised by this, and says he’ll make Wayne understand. Batman is being called. He takes the… erm bullet slide down to the bat-cave. Surely if he’s truly Batman he’d keep some spare stuff there without this stupid contrivance being necessary.

Atop GCPD Batman finds that it was Chase who sent the signal. Who let her onto the roof of GCPD? She’s not even a cop! She lit the signal to tell Batman that Two Face’s coin is his weakness. No! You don’t f*cking say! Chase tries to flirt, making reference to Catwoman (probably the only reference to a Burton Batman movie you’ll see) before Comissioner Gordon shows up in his pyjamas (you know, if this were a real emergency, you’d probably want to turn up in uniform)

Meanwhile Nygma is still in office after hours tinkering with his prototype brain box, when he’s interrupted by his boss, Mr Fred Stickley (he was with Bruce earlier) Nygma knocks him out. Stickley wakes up tied to a chair wearing the brain box. Nygma tests out the device and after more cheesy dialogues and Jim Carey being Jim Carey. Nygma realises that in doing this he’s becoming smarter.

*scream*, there's so much overacting the screen's about to burst!

When Stickley recovers and threatens to report his actions, Nygma sends him flying out the window to his demise. We next see a news report explaining the origins of Two Face. As Dent was prosecuting Boss Marone, the guy somehow got acid into the court and threw it into Dent’s face. Batman, who is in a courthouse despite being, you know, a masked vigilante, tried to save him but failed and Two Face blames Batman for some reason. You know as motivations go, that’s pretty weak.

Alfred answers a call from Commissioner Gordon regarding what happened with Stickley, Bruce shows Gordon the security footage which shows Stickley throwing himself out the window instead. Nygma seems distraught, which could’ve caught Bruce’s attention since you know, his impression from his last visit rather contradicts this. Oh and he conveniently has a suicide note with the same handwriting and sentence structure as Stickley (which would be kind of odd to know) Nygma decides to quit.

As Bruce talks to an assistant they come across a black envelope with a  green question mark on it. He opens it to find an unflattering picture of him with a riddle “if you look at the numbers on my face you won’t find 13 any place” he’s quick to realise the answer is a clock.

Nygma returns to his little hidey hole, complete with stuff, stuff and a question mark guy. He begins creating a collage which he then delivers to Wayne Manor (well he sticks it on the outside fence anyway)

Bruce Wayne visits Chase at the police station, and has a cute misunderstanding hearing her punching a punching bag (this is your office, not your gym, why do you have a punchbag set up) anyway. Bruce shows Chase the riddles he’d been receiving. They engage in flirting. Bruce Wayne invites her to the Gotham charity circus at the Gotham Palindrome.

That's not a conventional ink blot, that's quite clearly a bat

As a dozen circus performers perform below ground (surely only one act at a time) the ring master points everyone’s attention to the Flying Graysons, the trapeze artists. Bruce asks Chase out but Chase has met someone (oh deary me) the ringmaster announces that the youngest of the Graysons, Richard, would perform a stunt called the death drop without the safety of a net . He heads off stage where he’s taken down by one of Two Face’s men

Two Face himself appears as the ring master and holds the circus hostage, inspiring Nygma watching it on television. Two Face has a bomb and will detonate it if he doesn’t get Batman. He gives them two minutes. Bruce decides the best option is to shout out that he is Batman

You’re in a panicking crowd, there’s no way Two Face would hear you, Bruce, the more likely people to hear you are the people right next to you! The Graysons (all 4 of them, Richard has a brother in this one for some reason) split up to disarm the bomb. They head onto the ceiling beams but whilst Richard is too high and out of reach, the other Graysons are shot down and killed. Richard manages to get the bomb out of a convenient ceiling grate and push it into the bay. Only after does he see the death of the rest of his family.

Ladies and Gentlemen the flying foursome

He’s brought to Wayne Manor, where Bruce has agreed to take him in. But the moment Gordon leaves, Dick tries to leave as well. He wants to track down Two Face and kill him. Bruce tells him that killing him won’t take the pain away (the voice of experience, right Bruce?) as Dick’s bike is running low on fuel, Bruce advises that he fill up at the manor, there isn’t a gas station around for miles (I’m sure in Gotham City there is a gas station somewhere but…)

Inside the garage is a large collection of bikes, including one which is of particular interest to Dick. Dick is about to leave when Alfred comes with food, this is enough to tempt him back. Bruce sees the deaths of his parents whilst looking at some old family photos, he then sees the funeral before Alfred snaps him out. He realises that it’s happening again (although with Dick’s family there were a few more than two shots, considering the fire came from a machine gun) he utters ‘I killed them’ just loud for Alfred to hear and question. This really isn’t properly brought up again.

He sees the bat signal and heads out as Alfred consoles with Dick. “You are a hero. I can tell” erm, from what and why would you tell them. It’s as if Alfred knew what was going to happen (we’ll get to this point when I finally do Batman and Robin) the Batsignal leads him to a two face ambush (erm, how?) Batman manages to evade Two Face’s attacks and escapes by driving up the wall of a building using a grappling rope (your guess is as good as mine as to how he got down) several of Two Face’s vehicles crash and spontaneously explode (cr*ppy design)

Nanananananananana BATMAN!

Meanwhile Nygma is working on his costume and name, consulting his question mark thing, he eventually seems to go for the Riddler (although he won't officially have that name until Gothamites call him that) Meanwhile in Two Face’s hideout, it turns out each of his halves has a girlfriend, each of which prepared him a meal. Nygma arrives and offers a deal. He shows off his brain box, somehow commanding both of Two Face’s girlfriends to do so. If he can help Nygma secure the capital to put Nygma boxes in every house in Gotham, in return Nygma will help Harvey discover Batman’s secret identity. Harvey flips his coin and we cut to them robbing a jewellers and then a casino.

Bruce receives another riddle. And now Edward Nygma announces the Nygma tech boxes which instantly becomes the rage of Gotham. Now the fact that no-one questioned how he got the start-up capital, or why his depression from the loss of his boss has gone. Anyway Nygma’s soaking up tons and tons of brain waves. Actually no, go back, how did no-one suspect something was up with him suddenly having the money for this? Where do they think he got it, Dragon’s den? I can just imagine…

Just to clarify Debroah's last line "I would seriously rethink putting this product on the market. I'm out"

Dick uses his acrobatic skills to get past a very slowly closing door and falls into the Bat-cave. Chase gives Bruce a dream doll like the one she had as they’re an in an apartment with Greek Ladies painted all over it. What is this, the Sistine Chapel? Bruce describes his mental flashes to Chase, who claims he must be suffering from repressed memories. Bruce brings up her obsession with Batman, she says she’s fascinated by him and why he does what he does. She calls his work nightly torture.  As they’re about to get flirting again Alfred calls on his watch. (Because those totally exist, well I mean they do now, but this was the 90s) telling him that Dick had gone for a joyride in the Batmobile.

Don't look at me like that, you're the one who broke in here!

So, we see Dick having a joyride in the Batmobile as a bunch of the stupidest looking criminals I’ve ever seen are harassing some women as other women fawn over the Batmobile. Dick goes chasing after the badly dressed, women harassing losers and naturally knowing acrobatics pretty much means he’s an expert in martial arts as he handles pretty much everyone solo. But then reinforcements are called and they’re just as badly dressed. Dick tries to escape but the loser run when they see Batman

Dick gets angry at Batman for not telling Two Face who he was at the circus, despite the fact he actually tried and it’s still stupid. Batman isn’t even slightly fazed by the punches and blocks them with ease.  They return to the Bat-cave where Dick wants Bruce’s help to go after and kill Two Face. Bruce gives a rebuttal to this which is one of the better explanations of why Batman doesn’t kill, just a pity really that this is a version of Batman that has killed.

Bruce explains his past, and Dick claims he wants to Bruce’s partner

Alright, I meant in crime fighting! Anyway, Bruce declines but Dick is quite insistent before he leaves. We cut to a gala unveiling Nygma’s newest box at the Ritz Gotham. Nygma’s accompanied by Harvey’s girlfriend (the one in white, the other is Two Face’s girlfriend) as Nygma’s being questioned by the press, one of them spots Bruce and suddenly they all flock to him because professionalism: what’s that?

So the latest box offers holographic fantasies, allowing a man (I think it might be Gordon) to see himself in a Caribbean paradise. And one woman to become a princess. Bruce naturally knows exactly how it works (did this have proper legal testing, no of course it didn’t, what am I even saying?) Bruce turns off the machine to investigate it but Harvey's light girlfriend turns it back on. Two Face’s crew decide to crash the party as Jim Carey overreacts in a way only Jim Carey knows.

Ah, I see the Commissioner has the most shallow of fantasies

Bruce manages to get out of the building and into costume, he crashes through the skylight into the building and has no problem taking on Harvey’s pretty pathetic goons. Harvey retreats as Batman shares a kiss with Chase and arranges a meeting with her. Batman follows but Harvey redirects a chute leading Batman into a trap. Fortunately Batman’s suit is flame proof.  (what is that much gas doing on a construction site anyway) Two Face then just buries him under bubble and sand.

Fortunately a hand reaches out to help Bruce out, it’s Dick, wearing his flying Grayson outfit and a domino mask. (Which he’d got from Alfred earlier) Bruce is none too pleased. Saying he was reckless (he was? All I saw him do was save your f*cking life! And it didn’t look as if he was putting himself in danger in doing so)

Ah Robin and his famous... earings?

Dick says “you’re looking at your new partner”

OK, last time I’m using that joke… in this review.

So Dick storms off with Alfred suggesting that Dick needs guidance, Bruce brings up some images of Chase with Alfred saying she’s both lovely and wise. Yeah… I didn’t really get that impression from her. Bruce claims he’s never been in love before which would be interesting if it were actually true and Alfred advises that he go to her. Batman goes to see Chase, who’s asleep despite having arranged a midnight appointment.

They kiss and Chase confesses she’s disappointed and wishes he was someone else. (I’ll get to my thoughts on Chase later) Batman is secretly pleased by this news. Riddler shows Two Face that Batman survived Two Face’s ambush but the Riddler has a Nygma tech file of Bruce Wayne from his machine. They conclude that Bruce Wayne is Batman.

Batman is ready to give up being Batman despite Dick’s protests on the matter. Dick decides to take the Robin costume and head out on his motorcycle. So Bruce and Chase begin to talk their secret, and it’s Halloween so trick-or-treaters are coming. Bruce begins to see flashes of his past again. Two Face and his crew arrive with the Riddler.

Bruce begins to try and recover his memories. He knew when he saw his father’s journal that his life would never be the same. I sort of get it, sometimes it does take something for the news to properly sink in, but your parents were killed in front of you. Your life was not the same after that moment, it’s not like you didn’t know they were dead. He raced into the storm with the journal  and fell through  convenient hole in the road into a centuries old cave full of bats, conveniently no-one has ever discovered this cave.

Chase asks

“What are you trying to tell me?” seriously Chase, you’re an idiot, he was not being subtle. It was painfully obvious what he was trying to tell you. They kiss and only then does Chase know, I think. Alfred answers the door to two trick-or-treaters who are the Riddler and Two-Face disguised with a mask that only covers half their face. Seriously though, I know it’s Halloween but 1) They don’t look like Children and 2) One of them is wearing a custom made two-half suit and the other a fully green suit with question marks all over it. You shouldn't have answered the door.

No, you're not fooling anyone

They get in with a plan to seize and capture, not kill. The Riddler uses his special can to access the Bat-cave. And begins blowing shit up. Thanks to the outward stupidity of Harvey’s goons, they’re taking themselves out mostly. Bruce is knocked out by a stray gunshot as Chase is captured.

Bruce awakens to find another riddle. The Riddler arrives in a hideous new light up costume and Jim Carey is Jim Carey for a few more minutes. Bruce and Alfred ponder the riddles, each of them contained a number 13 1 8 and 5, suggesting they relate to letters of the alphabet M a h e. Bruce suggests 1 and 8 are 18, which is so contrived I’m not even going to comment on it M r E or Mr E ie Mystery aka Enigma ie Edward Nygma is responsible.

I didn't think my last outfit was camp enough, is this better?

All of Batman’s batsuits were destroyed in the attack except for a sonar modified suit prototype (buy me from your nearest toy store only $29.99) the Batmobile may have been destroyed but Bruce has two other vehicles, that Bat-wing or the Bat Boat (buy me from your nearest toy store, only $39.95). Robin arrives in a flare of dramatic convenience and he too is in a new costume (buy me from your nearest toy store only $19.65) which Alfred had designed. So it’s Alfred who puts nipples on the suits, that’s creepy, stop it now

Dick gives himself the name Robin and suggests they cover both sea and air as they head for the Riddler’s hideout. Suddenly Batman is totally cool with Dick going out as Robin. They head out with Bruce in the Bat-wing and Robin in the Bat Boat. Gordon is very happy to see him.  Harvey and Two Face play battleship detonating mines to stop the Bat Boat. The boat is destroyed but Robin ejects just in time. 

Wow, that's the most subtle of secret headquarters, if you're comparing it to the ones complete with flashing lights and signposts saying 'secret headquarters here'

Unfortunately a few of Harvey’s goons go to fetch Robin as the Riddler shoots down the Bat-wing.  Fortunately the wings eject turning the plane into a submarine (I know, but comic books)  Batman deals with Two Face’s thugs as they both swim to the base. As Robin makes an Adam West pun the base begins to move up, separating the dynamic duo.  Robin is confronted by Two Face, Robin wails on him before having a sudden dose of morality resulting in him being captured.

Batman makes it through a contrived death trap using rocket boots (because comic books) and makes his way to the Riddler wearing yet another really stupid looking suit. Naturally Riddler decides to reveal his entire f*king plan. The Riddler gives Batman a choice, save Robin or save Chase from being killed (you know, this is Robin's first time in action, well second if you count saving Batman at the last second,but neither Two Face or the Riddler saw him, what would've happened if Robin hadn't come?) Batman gives Edward a riddle then uses the distraction to throw a sonar induced batarang at the box returning all the intelligence to its rightful places. Nygma releases both the hostages and Batman is able to save them both from a watery grave, just.

Tell us the truth and be honest, am I more ridiculous than my friend here?

Two Face arrives about to kill and we get the foreshadowing about Two Face’s coin being his weakness coming true as Batman throws some coins in his path causing him to lose balance and fall. Bruce... Hello Bruce, do something, try and save him, that’s what you’re supposed to do, you’re Batman and I thought you were supposed to be better than the Tim Burton version.

The Riddler’s practically catatonic and Batman explains that he is both Bruce Wayne and Batman by choice. He had to save both of them. At Arkham Asylum we see that the Riddler has gone completely nuts claiming that he himself is Batman. We then get some flirting between Chase and Bruce before Batman and Robin from the Bat Signal for no reason.

So that was Batman Forever, what do I think of it? Well, I can’t say that I like it but I will say this, I do like it more than Batman or Batman returns.

The best part of the movie is Batman himself. Unlike Batman Returns the movie does take time to exploring Bruce’s character, mostly the struggle between living the lives of Bruce Wayne and Batman. We can actually thank Burton in part for this, it was he who brought this to the other producers. What we can thank Schumacher for is the other part, the flashes part where he sees a bit of his origin and falling into the cave. Schumacher wanted to do an adaptation of Batman: Year One but when WB told him they weren’t interested in a prequel, they at least allowed him these moments. Val Kilmer was actually pretty good in the role

Unfortunately, I don’t have too much praise for anything else in the movie. The music was decent, it’s nice to see most of the cast reprise their roles, and actually this is a story where including Robin wasn’t a bad idea. Yeah, that’s about it

Jim Carey in the nuthouse, I'm shocked!

OK, I get the need to make the movies a tad more kid friendly after Batman returns. I think they pushed it too far with this. I can understand the over-the-top nature of the movie ruining it for some people. It doesn’t for me but it does make it a lesser movie. Jim Carey as the Riddler is too much. Too much camp, too over-the-top, too much mugging at the camera and too many garish costumes. If you want a good version of the Riddler that’s reasonably kid friendly, look to Batman: The Animated Series. The Riddler there managed to be smart and a threat without being campy

Tommy Lee Jones’ Two Face (it’s Harvey Dent aka Two Face guys, not Harvey Two Face) suffers from much the same problem. His one track desire rather undoes his usual two-fascination and outside of the initial robbery we don’t see much his two-based crimes. (Instead giving us the stupidity of him having two girlfriends with two meals for him) Having to be explicitly told that the coin was his weakness was entirely unnecessary, we see him using it enough to be able to tell that.

Chase Meridian, you knew I had to get to her eventually. I personally cannot stand her. She spends the entire movie flirting with either Bruce Wayne or Batman (although I admit it is too ways) and ends up being an object to be rescued by the end of the movie. If you wanted me to buy her as Bruce Wayne’s love interest, you needed to show me more of her on her own, developing her character outside of being Batman’s love interest.

Chris O’Donnell as Robin… I didn’t think he did too bad in the role. I can definitely understand wanting to age him up from the 9-14 year old kid Dick Grayson starts out as in the comics, I don’t understand why they gave him a brother but… The problem is the material he has to work with is not very good and like Chase he becomes an object for Batman to rescue without us seeing him doing anything meaningful on his own.

I like some of the more fantastical elements of the design of the city, I just wish they’d tone it down with the Neon. This is particularly highlighted in the scene with Dick having stolen the Batmobile, event he graffiti lights up in the dark. It was too much

Rage Rating -15% 

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Images/clips used in this review are from Batman Forever, Ratchet and Clank, Dragon's Den, The ambiguously gay duo and Batman and Robin and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use