Guilty Pleasures #20 - Space Jam

OK, I’ll get this out of the way, I love the Looney Tunes, I love their witty dialogue, great comedy and a story filled into a less than 10-minute short.  Looney Tunes is a classic beloved by people over the world and most episodes rely on fairly simple plot-lines. So what happens when you try and stretch that into a 90 minute movie? Can you capture the essence of the Looney Tunes in that sort of time period?

The answer is… sort of… kinda… not entirely. In the 1990s Nike (amongst others) ran a set of commercials featuring Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny. Jordan’s agent approached Warner Bros with the idea of essentially doing a feature length version of such a commercial, paying homage to lots of classic Looney Tunes and helping to boost the waning popularity of Michael Jordan.

So, 2 months filming and a year’s production later we get Space Jam. It made $230m on it’s $90m budget, making it a financial success however critics were less kind to it, it currently holds a 35% rating on rotten tomatoes.

So… It’s been years since I last saw this movie, how does it hold up? Let’s take a look.

We open with the summer of 1973, where a young Michael Jordan is practising basketball late at night. His dad comes out to take him back in and is impressed with his skills, he says that after completing his career at basketball he wants to play baseball like his father.

We get the opening credits with cr*ppy looking images from Michael Jordan’s basketball career.  OK, enough with the flashing lights with every f*cking name on the credits, you’re giving people seizures. I’ll give it this, I love the music. But why is this movie called Space Jam anyway? It doesn’t really relate to the Looney Tunes or basketball.

Oh, and we find out that this script had 4 writers, uh oh. Anyway, Michael announces his retirement to play professional baseball (this really happened folks). We cut, very slowly to the theme park known as Moron mountain. Full of the most dangerous rides in history.

Because one bratty kid decides to leave the place for good, the boss says they need new attractions. So rather than new rides or something you’d expect to be prominent in a theme park, he decides they need the Looney Tunes for... I don’t know a 6-flags style stunt show. He tells his discount minions to make them come

Back to Earth Mike strikes out in baseball, we find that Michael’s erm… Agents? I don’t know... call in Stan Podolak (played by Wayne Knight in a performance that I swear is more cartoony than the frickin’ cartoon characters) telling him to ensure that nobody bothers Michael and make him the happiest player in the world.

An extremely fake looking space ship enters the earth’s atmosphere and plunges through the ground, passing that Warner Bros logo in the earth’s core. You know, that WB logo. Meanwhile Bugs is being chased by Elmer until the aliens intervene.

After a short slapstick routine the aliens use their disintegration pistols to force Bugs to gather up his fellow Looney Tunes. So surely Bugs uses his usual combination of quick wits and clever slapstick to… Nope next scene we’re back to Michael Jordan and his sidekick Stan and their crappy car.

We’re introduced to Jordan’s fake wife, fake kids and fake mother...The sports news is being aggressive to Michael because of his cr*ppy baseball stats so Michael changes the channel to Looney Tunes, a classic episode of the show. Suddenly Porky pig interrupts a tells them about a briefing meeting. Erm… just a tiniest question. WHAT THE F*CK!? This episode came out the 1940s or possibly 50s. Do they have to re-enact each episode every time they air? That sounds dumb. Really really dumb

Anyway, so we get to the meeting where we find several cartoon characters you might recognise, and 1 even I don’t. Bugs bunny is tied in chains (when has that ever stopped him) and hands a microphone to the aliens who say that the Looney Tunes are now all their prisoners, the reaction is what you’d expect, violent laughter. You’re badly outnumbered aliens, and every single number is bigger than you. Yosemite Sam tries his usual gun-toting self and one of the aliens shoots him.

Naturally since most of them have been through a lot worse, there’s no way that would stop… They instantly surrender. So it’s up to Bugs Bunny, who, as I said, easily slips out of the chains, to save the day. He tells the aliens that they have to give the toons a chance to defend themselves. Thanks to a message posted in page 67 of how to draw a cartoon character. Good job they flipped to that exact page, right?

After analysing their opponents (yes, they have to analyse their opponents) they decide to challenge them to a basketball game? We are looking at the same Looney Tunes here, aren’t we? I have to refer to what renowned Looney Tunes director the late Chuck Jones said about this movie. He hated it, he said that (and I’m paraphrasing a tad) were the film more true to the source material, Bugs Bunny would not have incorporated the help of Jordan or the other Looney Tunes characters to defeat the aliens and moreover, it wouldn't have taken him an hour and a half. Those aliens, whether they were tiny or colossal, would've been dealt with in short order come the seven minute mark. Thank you Chuck Jones for explaining one of the biggest problems with this movie. HOW ARE THE ALIENS A THREAT?

Anyway… So the Looney Tunes challenge the aliens to a basketball game, who have no idea about the sport, so we get a mini-movie about it. Erm, you 4 writers that have worked on this, where are the jokes, where’s the comedy. I’ve laughed more in most of the 7 minute episodes than I have in 20 minutes in this movie. God, we’re only 20 minutes in.

We cut to an NBA match in New York City. Where a totally conspicuous figure walks into the audience, it’s the aliens. They turn into goo and inhibit the players and suddenly they become completely cr*p at basketball. They transfer the talent into a basketball for some reason. Yeah, they can do that... So what the heck you doing playing discount minions to a Cigar smoking psycho?

Mike sees the events on the news and Stan arrives to take him bowling and plug sh*t. So after some more sh*t that isn’t funny we cut back to the Looney tunes where Daffy is putting on a fashion show. Oh god…

Porky arrives saying it’s the alien’s turn and the clouds begin to form because this movie doesn’t know the definition of subtle. The aliens touch the basketball and suddenly turn into massive “Mon-stars” Bugs thinks they might need help, and I refer you to Chuck Jones’ statements again

So we cut to Michael Jordan and Bill Murray (whose career survives long enough for Garfield) where Bill asks about whether he’d make a good basketball player, we also get a race joke. There’s a race joke in Looney Tunes. That brings back some memories.

So Michael takes his shot and Bugs bunny puts a magnet near the hole, which suddenly leads deep into the Looney Tunes world rather than being the usual couple of inches deep, moreover why does the magnet only attract Michael’s ball, and also since when are golf balls magnetic?

So as Stan prepares to take a photo, Mike is taken by a lasso and dragged into the golf hole. So the Looney Tunes provide their usual greeting, I suppose, who has a paper clip in their ear? So Bugs explains the situation and honestly it does sound incredibly stupid the way he puts it.

Stan talks down the golf hole and Michael is introduced to their training arena and we get another routine that isn’t really funny as they clean up. The Mon-stars interrupt and confront Michael and one of them crumples mike out an uses him as a ball in a way that looks absolutely dreadful. Looney Tunes, do something! Your honour is being threatened here. Michael declares himself unafraid.

Meanwhile we get another scene that isn’t funny… Where one of the guys who lost his powers can’t play with a bunch of girls with some stupid narration. More bla bla bla bla

We also get a sex joke, are you f*ckin’ kidding me?

So Stan is digging a hole into Looney-ville, which isn’t funny and we get the Looney Tunes practising basketball, which isn’t funny either as we see that none of them are very good, so in comes the token hot chick of the movie. And she’s a rabbit. You know why Minerva Mink from Animaniacs didn’t get many episodes, she’s got no personality and it’s always the same joke, someone falls in love with her

Lola is much the same but with added tits. Yeah, they gave her tits. This Looney Tunes movie gave a female rabbit tits. WE DON’T WANT TO F*CK BUNNIES. And if you do you’re likely very disturbed and lonely. OK, I'm over-exaggerating how bad this is. But seriously, could you imagine her (and I mean her her, not her from the Looney Tunes show) being the star of multiple 7-minute cartoons. I can't, she's far too bland

Naturally she’s a master basket-ball player and then she leaves... Michael then finds that he’s taking up the floor with his shoes. Don’t know how that works, does he have needles in them? So he tasks the Looney Tunes with getting them rather than, you know, getting them himself since they clearly have a way of entering and exiting the real at will as demonstrated in the next scene in fact.

So erm… This comedy routine involves the contrivance of two shoes being on opposite sides of the room, the what the f*ck-ery of the dog moving from the doghouse to a room on the second floor and conveniently having the shorts and the notion that Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, the big two of the Looney Tunes need saving from a dog by 3 children, I wish I was making this up.

So, without really questioning how Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are in the house they just give him the shorts without asking. If all the kids in the area were this dumb, Bugs and Daffy would make a fortune as burglars. Only as they’re about to leave do they explain the whole stupid concept of the movie.

We get another unfunny scene as a woman with a crystal ball tries to explain to the talentless basketball stars what happened and no-one believes her, shocker!

So Stan has dug a hole the size of one needed to construct a f*cking house in a day and only now does he notice Bugs and Daffy heading down a golf hole. So, time for a fitness routine as Michael arrives in his gear and he’s naturally very good, just don’t ask him to make a shot that actually involves throwing the ball more than 2 inches (all his shots, more or less are him putting it into the net as opposed to throwing it).

Stan arrives to ruin the moment. So Stan is forced to the bench, nearly sitting on Tweety in the process, as back in 3D-land another bit that isn’t funny happens. Time for the big game (I mean we are now 48 minutes into the movie) as the team get into uniform. The leader of Moron Mountain arrives. With the commentator asleep, for some reason Hubie and Bertie get to be the commentators (if you’re expecting something funny to come out of this, you’ve clearly not seen the rest of the movie)

We see the starting line-up for the toon squad. Taz, Lola, Daffy, Bugs and Michael then we get the introduction to the Mon-stars all at once. Marvin Martian acts as the referee. The game begins with the Mon-stars fouling left right and centre (I’m pretty sure punching and dog-piling and fire-breathing aren’t allowed in the sport) erm, when was Tweety subbed on? The mouse that I don’t even remember is subbed on and immediately squashed.

So half-time is called with the Looney Tunes losing, badly. The boss gives his talk as Stan hides in a locker and finds out about them stealing the NBA talent, unfortunately the Leader can smell him (go figure) and finds him.

Stan survives whatever it is the aliens did to him and reveals the truth. Bugs has a plan he puts some water and labels it secret stuff. So fake doping,that’s a great lesson for kids. And now the Looney Tunes decide to win the way they know how, cheating! Using vehicles, booby-trapping basket-ball nets and using guns and fishing rods, skunks and red paint. Ah the great lessons this teaches kids.

So with the toons only 2 points behind our Moron Mountain Guy calls a time out. He wants Michael for Moron Mountain. Michael agrees to surrender if he loses but if he wins, the aliens need to give their talent back to the NBA players. I’m desperately looking for a joke but I can’t find it. Given what the guy has in mind for Michael couldn’t they just find a guy, dress him in a costume or something. For that matter, why would aliens know who Michael Jordan is?

So they agree to the deal as the leader orders more fouls to be committed. And I’m still not laughing... With a lot of the Looney Tunes injured, Michael needs a 5^th player, unfortunately that means Stan is up

Stan scores but is flattened in the process, thankfully Spike and Chester are there to blow him up and provide a fart joke (we really had to go that low) with only 10 seconds left the Toon Stars need a new 5^th player. Time for a dues ex-machina to show up. Oh look, it’s Bill Murray. How he got here, why he’s uniform, explained by contrivance.

So thanks to Daffy cheating some more and the longest 10 seconds ever, Michael prepares to make the shot and because if Stan can do it so can he, he stretches his arm right to the net, scoring the final goal and winning the match.

So Bill Murray decides to retire after 1 match, because he’s a p*ssy apparently. The Leader guy chews out the Mon-Stars before Jordan reminds them that they’re twice his size and they put him on a rocket and shoot him to the moon. They then return their talent to the ball and decide to become part of the Looney Tunes (where they’ll star in such classics as… and erm… yeah none whatsoever)

So, the baseball game that Michael’s got is in 5 minutes, so in any logical world they’d never make it. So the cr*ppy looking spaceship drops Michael off (now in his baseball uniform which he got from) and no-one will ever question this. Back in random gymnasium of randomness Michael arrives to give the NBA cr*pstars back their talent. After no suspense whatsoever they get their talent back and celebrate by playing.

So after that Michael comes back to Basketball, so it was the Looney Tunes who changed his mind, much to Bill Murray’s disappointment, despite the fact that he retired in the last scene we saw him anyway. Roll credits.

This movie is painfully unfunny, taking a lot of the charm out of the Looney Tunes without having much of the substance of them either, there’s only one major comedy scene in the movie and the fact that they’re cheating does sort of take that away from it. The stuff in the human world is painfully boring

But I can’t bring myself to hate this movie, I think part of it is just nostalgia for a show I love to this day. I do like the soundtrack to the movie. The character designs are pretty much on form with what they are in the show (all be it with some CGI additions) and honestly there are a few moments that make me laugh (but only a few). The animation is OK, I’ve seen better but I’ve seen much worse too, and yeah it doesn’t blend very well with the real life stuff but you need to give the Looney Tunes a cartoony feel anyway.

And for what it’s worth, there really isn’t as much product placement as you might think. That scene with Stan plugging sh*t is really the only major product placement. Which is nice, although the movie itself is a feature length commercial for a commercial.

The voice acting is OK as well, Mel Blanc will never be matched as a voice actor, so the character voices will never be identical (hell you’ll notice shifts in Mel Blanc’s voices for the characters over time, particularly in the 90s Bugs Bunny stuff) but the actors a pretty fine job.

Rage Rating -10%

For more reviews click here

Images used in this review are from Space Jam and Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use