Yeah, this isn't going to be my 50th review, I miscounted
badly
With
13 Rage reviews
6 Guilty Pleasures reviews
9 Legend of Korra books 1-2 reviews
8 Legend of Korra book 3 reviews
4 Doctor Who review
2 Arrow season 1 reviews
3 Avatar: The Last Airbender reviews
A Batman (1989) review
3 Star Wars reviews
3 Lego Star Wars reviews, and
2 Star Wars: The Clone Wars reviews
I count this as my 55th review (excluding that Doctor Who retrospective which wasn’t really a review)
Ah, well, maybe I'll get the 100th review correct. This is my celebration, on one of my least favourite movies
ever, and it's fitting, since I've done more reviews on this franchise than any
other, that the Avatar franchise would be my focus. Ladies and Gentlemen, I
present M Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender
M Night Shyamalan, what happened to you after the 6th
sense? People were calling you the next Spielberg, then came Signs, described
the Nostalgia Critic as "the invasion of the plot holes," "The Village" which I
cannot describe because I haven’t seen it at all, then came "Lady in the Water" where Shyamalan cast HIMSELF as a writer whose words will "change the world" and to top off this ego trip THE VILLAIN WAS A CRITIC. Then came "The Happening",
the movie that made Mark Whalberg look like a bad actor (before Michael Bay came close to him), and Shyamalan could
not describe the movie without using the word "Happening"
So, it makes perfect sense that Nickelodeon would turn down the
experience of people dedicated to the Avatar Franchise (Bryan Konietzko and
Michael Dante DiMartino) and chose Shyamalan, someone whose writing experience
is in the horror/comedy genres to write this martial arts family action
adventure movie, and not only write it, but produce and direct it as well.
Shyamalan was given $300 million for a 3-movie franchise, but the first movie
came out at $150 million and whilst financially successful was slammed
critically and no sequel has been announced (thank heaven for small mercies)
let's dig into The Last Airbender, and see how big a sh*t storm Shyamalan can
bend.
水善 - Water is Benevolent
土強 - Earth is Strong
火烈 - Fire is Fierce
气和 - Air is Peaceful
What Shyamalan has done is put a bunch of squiggly lines in the
background, no meaning, and obviously insulting the Chinese audience. Don't
worry folks, this won't be the last racially insensitive choice they make in
this movie. We've only just started. Now time for the title scroll, and I hate
this bit too.
Specifically this line "The 4 nations: Water, Earth, Fire and Air
Nomads" NO! There were no Water, Earth or Fire nomads, if you wanted to do that
you call them the Earth Kingdom, the Fire Nation, the Water Tribe(s) and the
Air Nomads, although really it should just be "Water, Earth, Fire and Air"
2 rants; and we're barely 2 minutes into the movie, pray for me… So
we get the Fire Nation attacked, and a brief definition of the Avatar, missing
important stories like their mother being killed, the men going off to the fight
the war. That sort of thing… All of which is saved for more exposition dumps
later.
We truly
open (yeah, 3 rants and we haven't even started the film yet) with a ball of
water being bent around for some reason. (In the show she'd caught a fish, also
it's losing a lot of water, but not losing its shape) she loses her
concentration and dumps it on her brother Sokka, who must have magical powers
as he's completely dry in the next shot. He berates his sister, and rather than
standing up to him, like she would in the show, she backs away apologising like
a coward.
Oh yes, and
we're in the show's equivalent of the Antarctic, and even with all the CGI it
looks suspiciously white, doesn't it? Nicola Peltz and that guy from Twilight? Are those the best actors they could afford with $150 million? And why not
choose actors that look like they're from the South Pole? The Water Tribe is
based on Inuit culture, a little respect please (and if you hate what they've
done to the Water Tribe, just wait till you see what they've done to the Fire Nation)
So, if the
text ramble wasn't exposition-y enough, we now get Katara as the running
narrator, she’ll be providing bits of information they can’t afford to show us
with $150 million. She mentions her family background and things that should've
been in the original opening text scroll. Sokka mentions some bullsh*t about
hunting, but then Katara discovers something glowing in the ice beneath them,
and because Sokka's an idiot, he smashes his boomerang against the ice and is
shocked to find that it breaks. For some reason a huge ice-ball comes out of
the broken ice. Sokka warns Katara away from it, but instead she decides to
smash it, a huge blue light is projected into the sky and, true to form, it's
noticed by Prince Zuko
 |
| Oh no, it's coming right at me, it's not as if I could just step out of the way or anything |
They
discover a boy and a… thing, that were in the ice-ball, the boy is barely conscious and of course Katara asks him loads of questions, which he can't
answer because he's still asleep (well done). They
take the boy back to the village of people who could pass for Inuits, unlike our
protagonists. Aang explains that he ran away and was forced under the water
of the Ocean (yeah, water of the Ocean, great dialogue Shyamalan, also he
seemed to be a little too far inland to be in the ocean, in the cartoon they were
on a boat fishing, so it made more sense, but here they found him in an ice
field) he says he was upset but is over it now, or something.
Zuko's boat
crashes through the ice, noticed by Sokka and his warriors, not alerted by ash
snow as before. Aang is told to wait, as the Fire Nation storm the village,
passing everyone and doing NOTHING. Zuko removes his helmet revealing his…
scar? That scar looks pathetic! He then gives his introduction and demands the elderly be brought to him.
A soldier bursts into an igloo and discovers Aang's airbending tattoos, he is
brought to Zuko. He refuses to talk, but Zuko threatens to burn the village
down unless he is captured, so Aang is captured. For some reason a firebender
demonstrates a firebending trick. I'll talk later about the futility of having
firebenders that can only bend fire sources, but here's the bigger problem.
The village may only have 1 waterbender, but there's this thing in the
south-pole called snow, it's quite common, and would easily put out the fire.
 |
| I am a firebender, watch me dance |
Sokka and
Katara debate whether they should go after Aang, referring to her dead mother
who was taken when they were babies and killed. Except she wasn't taken (she
was killed and if she was taken, how do they know she was killed?) and they weren't babies. I understand changing the source material
to better accommodate the running time and to keep the story coherent (what works
in a book/cartoon may not always work in a film) but there are many times in
this story where character back-stories are altered, and honestly it's to the
detriment to the characters. And by the
way: Katara and Sokka are not twins, they wouldn't both have been babies.
Sokka says
that if Katara was taken he'd kill them all. Cause that's what Sokka is: not a
meat eating, sarcastic, and a tad egotistical young warrior but a guy who'd
hunt down and kill the firebenders. Yeah… I'm only 10 minutes in, help!
Sokka is
eventually turned around and they discover Appa, or what this movie thinks Appa
is? Err... What the f*ck is that CGI monstrosity? On the Fire Nation ship,
we're introduced to… Iroh? Who appears to have lost about 50 pounds and most
of his character (business as usual then) and he's now Persian for some reason. Now I'll rant about
this. The Fire Nation is based on the Japanese culture, they were whiter than the
protagonists. Casting actors from different ethnicities does not stop this from
being culturally insensitive, a controversy known Avatar fandom as
race-bending and honestly I wouldn't be so mad about it but the acting is generally terrible in this movie. Katara and Sokka, rather forgetting that Aang is a prisoner and
could be being tortured at this very moment stop to the speak to their
grandmother (who they don’t call Gran Gran because why should this be adhering
to the source material at this or any point?) and they get a lecture on the Spirit World
She explains
that the boy is an airbender, and possibly the Avatar (and the only person in
the movie to pronounce this correctly) she explains that only the Avatar can
speak to the spirits (she knows a lot for someone who could never speak to
them, by the way, Iroh could speak to them.) The Fire Nation are frightened of
the Avatar because of this ability and not because he can master all 4
elements and become a physical threat, because how ridiculous would that be? HELP!!!
Iroh places
a candle in front of Aang, and the fire begins to move. He pours some water in
front of Aang, and it begins to move. He places a rock in front of Aang and
that begins to move as well. I'm sorry but I have one thing to say here: BULLSH*T! Bending requires physical motions and practice, water does not move because it's near him, neither does earth or
fire, that might've caused problems any time he, you know, stands near water,
walks past fire or stands on Earth. Iroh says since he passed the test, he
can't leave. But Aang decides to leave anyway, using his airbending to do so
(and giving ample opportunity for people to stop him, how fortunate that they don't really make any effort to do so). He uses his staff/glider, which he didn't
have in previous scene and I assume would've been confiscated, to leave the
ship, where by the power of plot convenience, Katara, Sokka and Appa are
waiting for him.
 |
| Oh no, he's getting away, it's not as if there's a fire right next to him which we can bend at him |
Aang offers
to return them home but Sokka and Katara insist on coming, for some reason. Prepare, it's time for another bit of
narration. Aang apparently air-bended a sphere in the water because there's
lots of air in the water; for god's sake Shyamalan: STOP THINKING YOU KNOW
BETTER THAN THE CREATORS OF THE SHOW! Anyway, they get to the Southern Air Temple,
where Aang calls out to his old friends, unaware that they're all dead. At this
point Katara asks what his name is. Somebody find me a brick wall.
1. You called him Aang in the last set of narration
2. You called him your responsibility and you
didn't even know his name! How thick are you?
3.If the timeline of the show is anything to go
by (it probably isn't, but…) it took you days to get here, and never once
bothered to ask what his name is?
Aang
discovers Momo, a lemur-bat (just lemur in the show) but then walks upon a graveyard. He discovers
(thanks to Katara's knowledge that she got from… Plot convenience?) That he was
in the ice for 100 years and that Fire Nation exterminated his people,
believing the Avatar would be among them. He comes across the skeleton of Monk
Gyatso and this sends Aang into the Avatar state, and then into the Spirit World. Which is a forest with some lanterns and a blue tone (how lazy is this
$150 million dollar movie?) He discovers the Dragon Spirit of Exposition. Katara
sort of brings him out, but not quite as dramatic a way as in the show and
definitely not sealing the bond that should be between them.
 |
| You know, for kids! |
We now see
that erm… That's that guy from the Daily Show playing Zhao. He spots Zuko's
ship and invites his crew for lunch aboard his ship. It's there we find out from Zhao that the Fire Lord
has banished his son and will not accept him back until he has the
Avatar. Zuko gets angry at this exposition dump and leaves, Iroh quietly follows. Zuko looks at a painting
of people who look nothing like his family (looks more derived from the show)
and trains against members of his crew, which we don't see much of as the focus
is on Iroh having a drink (I hope it's tea, but we don't know.)
 |
| Hello, I'm a jackass taking time off being an important Commander/Admiral to talk exposition |
In the Earth
Kingdom Appa flies off for NO F*CKING REASON! Appa is Aang's animal guide and
is amazingly loyal to Aang, he would not abandon him like this. Katara demonstrates knowledge that being a young
girl from the Southern Water Tribe it is not at all entirely contrived for her to
know. They come across a young boy being pursued by the Fire Nation for bending
tiny stones at them. Bring back that brick wall, I need it again
Sokka and
Katara try to fight them but Katara freezes Sokka, Aang does nothing and
they're captured again. They're brought to a prison for earthbenders, which is a
clearing in a forest. And suddenly the brick wall is more inviting. I don't
know who's more stupid: the Fire Nation for locking earthbenders up in a prison
made of earth, the earthbenders for not attempting to fight back: they vastly
outnumber the guards; or of course Shyamalan: for deviating from the source
material in way that doesn't make any f*cking sense. In the show, the prisoners
were aboard a metal ship, without any earth to bend until team Avatar find them some coal.
Aang looks
around and reminds them that they are actually surrounded by earth! (Claps
sarcastically) another moment that was much better in the show and it was
Katara who did it. He reveals himself as the Avatar and it's time for a fight
scene but because this is a Shyamalan movie it's all done in one take, so
there are many times where people (particularly Fire Nation soldiers) are doing
nothing when they shouldn't be. The earthbenders begin to fight back and it
leads to one of the most infamous moments from the movie.
Ignore the advice from the video - DO NOT BUY THIS MOVIE
7 people, 7
people, one dance routine. Now it's time to bring up another problem with the
movie that I haven't mentioned. The bending, in the show each form of bending had its
own style. Airbending was free and fluid, waterbending was flowing and
controlled. Earthbending was patient and strong, while firebenders tend to use
more aggressive moves. Here everyone just does a bunch of random martial arts
moves (if you can call them martial arts moves) and some bending happens. Cause
and effect does not seem to work here. It sometimes takes several actions for a
move to work. Because of this bending takes forever and action scenes are even
slower. Just to remind you in the show a single earthbender could take down the
entire Northern Air Temple by himself (OK, he was lavabending, but still)
The guards
run off, and Team Avatar are rewarded with a waterbending scroll stolen from the Water Tribe by the firebenders. Apparently this is also their version of Kyoshi
Island (nice reference to his past lives, pity it's one of very few) Aang then
reveals that he ran away before he was trained.
(Could've used this information earlier) he explains that he ran away
because he was told the Avatar could never have a family. Now let's see how
many flavours of bullsh*t this is:
1. Aang's 12 – why would care about having a family?
2. Aang was raised by monks, why would he care
about having a family?
3. Previous Avatars have had families. For example
Roku married, had a child, who had a daughter who had a son, whose name was
Zuko, and yes, it is the Zuko you’re thinking of.
Also, he ran
away because he couldn't have a family. Oh boo hoo! But you've missed the
f*cking point, I'll get back to this later. Because there are water-benders in
the Northern Tribe they need to head there and find Aang a waterbending master,
trying to save a few villages along the way. Cue montage, more bullsh*t, and oh
look Appa's back. Zuko visits these villages, following the Avatar's trail.
Time for some more narration. Aang is apparently struggling with waterbending
(which is odd, he got it pretty quickly in the show) Katara claims to be good
at it but we can't tell as we don't see any effects. (So what did $150 million
get spent on exactly?)
 |
| Are this real Chinese symbols, or is this more Shyamalan bullsh*t |
Zhao is also
in pursuit on his ship but decided to stop at the Fire Nation for some reason.
He reveals to… that is Ozai?! Really? There must've been better actors you
could get for $150 million than him. He doesn't look threatening. And by the
way, in Book 1, they never showed his face, oh and this scene nor
any version of it wasn't in there either. Zhao spews exposition about finding
out about the Moon and Ocean Spirits in the Spirit Library and bla bla bla. By
the way, I don't think the Fire Lord would talk this way about his own son ("Let us hope my son doesn't find the Avatar before you," really?)
So we cut to Fire Nation colony 15 (because that was necessary information), where Iroh
tries to ward Zuko off his Avatar quest. He calls upon a child to explain his
own back story. He spoke out of turn in defence of some of his friends,
sentenced to an agni-kai duel against his father, and burned when he refused to fight. More problems:
1. Why did he call upon a child to explain his own
back story? That's just creepy
2. The pronunciation of agni-kai, pretty sure it
isn't agni-key or agni-ki
3. In defense of some of his friends? You remember
what I said about unnecessary changes to back story? It's here again: in the
show, he spoke out of turn in defense of a division of new recruits.
Importantly he was right but it was not his place to say anything
4. They fail to mention that he was banished for
refusing to fight and would be welcomed back if he finds the Avatar (or any
mention of his feelings of lost honour)
 |
| Erm, is this a test? Because if it isn't, I shouldn't be talking to strangers |
Aang and
Katara are practising waterbending, which is odd since we can't see any waterbending (seriously $150 million, why aren't there any effects!) Katara tries to help because seeing as she's read a scroll she's suddenly a master waterbender
(yeah, I think that’s bullsh*t too.) Aang realises they’re near the Northern
Air Temple, Aang wants to visit there to return to the Spirit World and talk to
the Dragon Spirit of Exposition. Sokka doesn't like the idea. Aang tries to
waterbend again and some effects actually show up this time, Aang almost has
it but loses concentration when he flashes to see his people, he goes to the
Northern Air Temple alone (because it's not like Sokka and Katara are in any
danger of being captured or anything)
 |
| Nice of this convenient caption to tell us where we are, it's not like we could've worked that out or anything |
At the
Northern Air temple, Aang meets someone who really shouldn't be living at the
Northern temple, at least not alone. Rather than question what he's doing
there, Aang lets him lead him straight into a room filled with statues of his past
reincarnations. And because this is such important information Aang tells a
story about how the Air Nation knew he was Avatar. Yes, it's true to the show (for a change) but why did they need to bring it up at all? The show had nearly 5 times the
run-time, so it could fill in a few gaps, this is a 90 minute movie and it's
already crammed with exposition, we don't need more exposition that serves no
purpose and also ruins a potential character moment of Aang connecting with
his past lives.
He also
reveals that there was ceremony where everyone would bow to him and he'd bow
back to embrace his identity as the Avatar but he didn't bow back and ran
away. Guess what, time for another rant
about why the show did this better. Both versions have the right idea. Aang
couldn't cope with the pressure of being the Avatar but here it's because he
couldn't have a family (I've already outlined the reasons why he shouldn't
care) and he didn't bow back in some bullsh*t ceremony. In the show, his
identity as the Avatar isolated him from his Air Nation friends and he was
about to be forced away from his father figure Monk Gyatso. Guess which one gets
me more emotionally involved?
 |
| Oh dear... |
Anyway, it's
a trap (shocker, right) and the Yu Yan Archers (or at least I assume it’s them,
they’re never really mentioned by name) are waiting and Aang is captured, again. So,
chained up Aang's in the Spirit World, where the Dragon Spirit of Exposition
gives him same information we got earlier, and advising him to go to the same
place he was already going to. That's amazing help. Aang wakes up to see Zhao
gloat and discover that he is not yet a master of other bending forms other
than air. Meanwhile the Blue Spirit infiltrates the prison, takes out the
nearby guards and frees the Avatar. Time for another action scene and boy does
it look terrible.
 |
| Guys, he's right in front of you, attack! |
Yes please,
get into position before I take you out, man I hate these one-take action scenes, it's like Shyamalan doesn't know about editing. Meanwhile Zuko, I mean the Blue Spirit
(this doesn't surprise anyone, right?) Is being swarmed. Aang prepares to
escape but notices the Blue Spirit and helps, while lots of Fire Nation
soldiers do jack sh*t. Zhao orders the guards not the kill the Avatar lest he be reborn but the
Blue Spirit draws his swords on Aang and Zhao lets him escape. He has an archer
knock him out before the guards attack. Aang removes the mask, sees Zuko and creates a fog cloud to cover their escape. Zhao seems confused that an
airbender can bend air!
Aang takes
Zuko to a forest and leaves, Zhao enters the Fire Lord's Palace (yes he's come back, again) and suggests to the Fire Lord, not surrounded by flames. that Zuko is the Blue Spirit based on
evidence likely pulled out of his behind (for comparisons sake, in the show,
he laid eyes on the swords in Zuko's ship) Zuko returns to the colony. Zhao
promises not to harm Zuko and immediately goes to kill Zuko in an explosion!
(And if anyone thinks he's really dead… Gullible)
 |
| I'm acting! Actually he's one of the movie's better actors, not that that's saying much |
And
apparently all of this happened in 4 days. 4 days. So in 4 days, Zuko tracked
the Avatar to the Northern Air Temple, discovered the layout of the prison so
he could get through undetected, carried out the rescue. Made it from the
middle of the forest of god-knows where back to the fire nation colony,
meanwhile Zhao gets from the Northern Air temple back to the Fire Nation
capital (which should take weeks) to tell Ozai that for some reason he suspects
Zuko to be the Blue Spirit, so that he can arrange to find his ship and set up
a booby trap involving a gas-lit flame and very convenient timing as Zuko is on
board exactly when it blows up. For comparison in the show, a bunch of pirates (who had earlier made enemies of Zuko) blew up the ship using dynamite knowing Zuko was on board.
Katara and
Sokka arrive at the Northern Water Tribe (we still have 40 minutes left of the
movie by the way) we get more information that we already know told to Ozai by Zhao. Katara, Sokka and Aang are taken into the tribe and it's time for another
batch of narration. Oh and one other thing…
 |
| Yeah... That hair... It looks rather like a... The actor who's playing Yue went onto voicing Asami in the Legend of Korra |
So, we're told Sokka
and Princess Yue became friends right away because why develop a romantic
relationship when you can just tell people it exists, right? And of course they
all knew the Fire Nation would come and they prepare for war. Including: and
here's a novel idea; putting out as many fires as possible. Pity they don't
actually follow this guide and many fires are lit. If you're wondering, I'm
still holding onto the argument about firebenders for a later scene. Sokka
volunteers to guard the Princess, and despite the fact that they know nothing
about his skills and for all they know there are probably more capable people,
he's accepted. (In the show Sokka undergoes warrior training)
In the Fire Nation, WHY DOES ZHAO KEEP GOING BACK TO THE FIRE NATION?! The journey to the Fire Nation capital takes weeks, weeks he could surely be spending drawing his
forces. The Fire Lord is supposed to give him a decent amount of autonomy and
just to top it off, this scene is about the Moon and Ocean Spirits, the same
topic that was covered before.
Back at the Northern Water Tribe Master Paku tells people the key to waterbending is to
let go of emotion. That shouldn't be hard for this cast. We see a fight where
Aang has no trouble using waterbending for defence,but cannot use for it for
offence for reasons of… Plot? Zhao's invasion force approaches the Northern Tribe, with General Iroh serving under him. And mentioning his failure in the
hundred day siege of Ba Sing Se (for the record: 600 day siege!) and mentioning
his dead son and dead Zuko, which would easily attract suspicion as how did he
know that?
Time for
romance! Or is it more exposition, Yue was touched by the Moon Spirit, who
turned her hair white and bla bla bla. Hers is about the only back story that's
consistent with the show and that's mostly because it's a plot point. Oh, what
a twist, Zuko's still alive, smuggled aboard by Iroh. Katara and Aang practice
waterbending together and they forgot to add in the special effects again
didn't they? Seriously $150 million! Their session is interrupted by the black
snow that should've been in the first attack, Zhao has amassed a massive
invasion force and it’s closing in. Zuko survived the explosion (shocker), snuck aboard Zhao's fleet and escapes on a boat, where Iroh gives him
advice, as he should do.
 |
| Oh please, I feel so invested in this relationship which develops only in this scene |
Zuko jumps
off the boat out of sight of the Fire Nation ships and dives under the city,
breaking through the ice using his fingers, which would make more sense if they
could actually create fire. Aang decides that the best course of action is not
to fight the Fire Nation but to talk to the Dragon Spirit of Exposition again. OK, he does
this (sort of) in the show but first he tries valiantly to hold off the Fire Nation and
only resorts to doing this at night when the Fire Nation halted their attack!
Aang heads
to the Spirit Oasis and erm, mentions some really boring information about
meditating, there's enough exposition in this movie without including things
no-one cares about. Aang meditates, Yue and Sokka leave, leaving Katara to
guard him. Despite knowing that meditation takes concentration, she tries to
talk to him, only to interrupted by Zuko, holding a torch he got from… Where
the f*ck did he get that from and no, I'm still going to hold onto my rant about the futile
nature of this. He sets some ground on fire, so he doesn't need the torch, and
Katara uses all her waterbending mastery and gets knocked out within 4 moves.
 |
| Oh no, fire coming towards me! It's not as if I have a skill that should easily be able to counter this |
The Water
Tribe prepare their armies and go OOOOOO whilst banging their spears up and down,
because threatening? The Fire Nation begin their attack. Iroh warns that waterbenders
get stronger at night and we hear AGAIN about the flipping Water Spirits. The
Fire Nation enter the city using eel-hounds and drill helmets? That is just
every level of dumb, and I don't know why I'm surprised at this point.
Sokka
discovers Katara, waking up from her attack, and warns of Aang's capture. Zuko
has taken Aang to safe haven, in A WATER TRIBE BUILDING. Meanwhile, it's time
for a visit to the Spirit Dragon of Exposition. The Dragon says he's not dealt
with the loss of his people (we see no evidence of this really, he's miserable
in almost every scene!) He also says that as the Avatar he's not meant to hurt
others. BULLSH*T!! Aang is a peaceful person, he uses violence only for
necessary defence, but there have been other Avatars that are more aggressive and even Aang has had to hurt others in order to bring peace and balance to the
world, which by the way, is the ultimate goal of the Avatar. He tells Aang to
use the Ocean and show the Fire Nation the power of water. (Thank you, that was
so helpful)
 |
| I'm the Dragon Spirit of Exposition, hear me roar! |
Aang recovers
in Zuko's captivity, the Fire Nation continue to make their way into the city,
fighting off the Water Tribe as they go. Paku seems to be the only one having
much success. Zhao reveals his plan to kill the moon spirit. Aang uses the best
way of hiding, which Tom and Jerry could do better. *sighs*. After a fight that
for way too long doesn't involve any bending, Katara arrives and traps Zuko in
ice. Aang releases his face so he doesn't suffocate.
 |
| He's behind you! |
Aang begins
to take out the Fire Nation army, and Zuko begins to melt his way out of the
ice, again, weird since he can't create his own fire. In the Spirit Oasis, Zhao
leads the way to the Ocean and the Moon Spirits, and says their names are Yin
and Yang or Push and Pull, which is wrong, their names are Tui and La. Zhao
captures the moon spirit, Iroh warns him that the spirits must not be tampered
with else the world will be thrown out of balance. (Something which he really
should've mentioned earlier)
Zhao responds "The Fire Nation is too powerful to worry about children's superstitions," you're killing the Spirit of the Moon! Zhao has now taken a new level in stupid. Zhao ignores Iroh's warnings and kills the spirit, Yue falls to the ground and Aang gets a headache. The moon turns red and waterbending pretty much stops. Iroh goes crazy and is now able to create his own fire, causing the Fire Nation to run away like scared children (I mean why stop now)
 |
| Somebody attack somebody, he's left himself open here |
Now, it's
time for that little rant about the futility of having firebenders that can
only bend sources of fire. The works with air, water and earth because sources
of said elements are fairly abundant. You'd be hard pressed to find somewhere
without earth or air (even if it is in forms like sand, or metal, which take
more advanced skills to bend) and it’s not problematic to carry a pouch full of
water (which has the other benefit of being a drinking source) however fire is
naturally far less abundant, so for there to be fire around, requires a lot of
incompetence, like water tribe not putting out any fires, despite the fact that
one of their first instructions was to put out fires. Thematically it doesn't
work, and it locks off entirely the more advanced firebending forms such as
lightning bending and combustion bending.
Let’s look
at it from a cultural stand-point too, the original airbenders were sky bison,
the original earthbenders were badger moles. The moon was the original
waterbender, whilst the original firebenders were dragons, creatures that have
the ability to create their own fire! It also makes the Fire Nation a lot
weaker as a nation, demonstrated by the fact that they seem to run away at the
first sign of trouble.
So, the Water Tribe are losing, and Aang looks around in slow motion rather than doing
something! Iroh sees that the moon spirit has touched Yue and that she can
give the spirit life but it will cost her her own. Sokka tries to stop her but Yue sacrifices her life and the Moon Spirit returns. And thank the lord; we've
only got 10 minutes left of this torture to go through. The moon turns white
and the waterbenders get their powers back, much to Zhao's shock
They take
Yue, now with black hair out of the pool, for some reason. As Zuko confronts Zhao, Iroh wards him away. (Oh joy, another great character face-down destroyed
by the movie) and to what end, so waterbenders without names can strike him
down without mercy. Thanks movie, can't wait to see him in the fog of lost
souls.
 |
| 4 nameless waterbenders kill the main villain, I'm going to cry now |
So Aang
takes on a few firebenders, including ones that appear to be fighting each other
for some reason. He makes it to the top of the wall, where he remembers his
time as an air nomad trainee, and his running way and is that supposed to be
monk Gyatso? He seems to be about 50 years too young. Aang enters the Avatar
state, which he has complete control over and raises the ocean into a massive
tidal wave, so big that the moment the firebenders see it, they surrender and
don't even try to fight! (See what I mean about cowards, not long left now…)
the ships pull back and Aang drops the wave. I mean seriously he just drops it;
he doesn't even do anything with it.
 |
| Oh my god, a huge tidal wave! Oh wait, he's never gonna flood the tribe, we're safe! |
Aang and
Katara embrace (yeah, they don't have any romantic relationship in this
version) and everyone cheers for the Avatar, even the Fire Nation troops, who
have just lost! Everyone bows to the Avatar and he finally bows back. And
that's the end of the movie, thank goodness! Oh wait, there's still one more
scene to go! Ozai addresses his daughter, giving her exposition over what's
happened in the northern water tribe in far more detail than was necessary. He
says Sozin's comet is coming in 3 years and will give all firebenders the
ability to create fire. (Which would never have been enough to wipe out an
entire nation)
Also 3
years! 3 F*CKING YEARS! HOW CAN YOU MISUNDERSTAND THIS SHOW THAT MUCH! Time has
barely been an aspect of this show anyway; Zhao can go to and from the Fire Nation in a heartbeat anyway.
 |
| You'll see me in the sequel, right? |
OK, people
who aren't fans of the show probably won't care about this but as a fan of the
show, this irritates me. Aang succumbed to the pressures of being the Avatar,
which lead to him being frozen for a hundred years while his people were
eradicated. The whole journey of Aang in the show is that must step up as the
pressures mount against him. In the show, he found about the comet on the
winter solstice and was told he needed to defeat the Fire Lord by the end of
the summer, that is, give or take 8 months. The movie decides to quadruple that
time to 3 years, and you know what, they don't bother telling Aang about it, so
not only is the pressure not on, even if it was, it would be 4 times less than
the show, and when the journey of character is about facing up to pressure,
that is irritating.
He also
mentions that masters can create fire out of nothing anyway. Iroh is a master,
yes, but so is Zhao and so is Ozai, yet neither of them can create their own
fire.
He tells his
daughter to delay the Avatar until this time comes, setting up a sequel that
thank the Lord, will never happen (I know Shyamalan has a script but it's been
4 years, they'd have to completely recast it, not that that would be a bad
thing)
You may not
realise it right now but my face looks something like this
THIS FILM
GIVES ME RAGE ISSUES!!
Did this
film do anything right? Some of the effects are decent and the music is pretty good, that's it. M Night was
in way over his head here and to my annoyance he refused to adhere to advice
the show's creators tried to give him, instead trying to create his own vision
for the movie, he succeeded and boy did it suck.
I'm not sure
about the actors in the movie. They were miscast for the roles definitely but
the direction makes it worse, actors barely show emotion at all and given what
I've seen from backstage stuff, that's down to Shyamalan's direction over their
acting abilities.
The script
is awful! I've gone over it as fan but it's constant streams of exposition, combined
with lack of likeable characters or character development make this practically unwatchable
even from the perspective of a non-fan. The characters are nothing like their
portrayals in the show. Katara isn't strong, caring or strong willed and she
never learns to heal. Sokka isn't proud, sarcastic (or remotely funny) and doesn't come up with
any ideas, Aang isn't fun-loving and innocent, Zuko barely uses the word "honour" at all, Zhao lacks the arrogance of his animated counterpart,
preferring instead to converse every little detail with Ozai, Iroh seems to be
portrayed correctly but a lot of his traits don't surface until late into the
movie (his tea obsession for example) and Ozai isn't threatening, and seems to
be micro-managing his army (if his conversations with Zhao are anything to go
by)
 |
| I wear a mask, fear me! |
The
pronunciation of the names baffles me. Agni Kai's pronunciation is just wrong,
but the rest were altered to reflect to Asian background to the Avatar
universe. (Soaka = Sokka, Ong=Aang, Earoh=Iroh, Ahvatar=Avatar) 2 major
problems with this: the first of which, it's still an American show. The second
is: no-one could blame it for using the pronunciations of the show, because
it's an adaptation of the show, but everyone can blame it for using
pronunciations not from the show. Shyamalan actually fought for this, and it's
idiotic.
Being
honest, trying to cram 20 episodes of back-story into a 90 movie was idiotic.
The 90 minute run time could've been altered but to be honest, there's no way
it could've been done. Important characters such Jet, Suki, Bumi, Jeong Jeong,
The Mechanist etc are left out to improve the runtime, and the pacing is still
slow. 1-take action scenes do not work, we're constantly waiting for people to
get in position and wondering why all the background characters aren't doing
anything.
It's saying
something when a 90 minute movie gets a longer rage review than 11 issues of
comic. I hate this movie so much as a fan of the show that this review picks holes in everything I can think of.
Rage Rating
10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000%
Next: Doctor Who: The Wedding of River Song
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Images/clips used in this review are from The Last Airbender and belong to their respective owners. All images/clips in this review are subject to fair use.
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