4 issue test #15 - Archie

Following me falling in love with Gotham Academy (which I still love btw, despite some schedule problems in recent weeks) I suppose it’s time to look at another non-superhero title. This time we look at Archie comics and their reboot stories. Archie is an interesting little guy, from stories of his day to life he’s crossed over with some really big names. He’s met the Ninja Turtles, the cast of Glee, and even the Punisher. But all of that’s been cast aside for the reboot, so we’re going to take a look.

2 things to get out of the way first. 1: I’m not doing reviews of the covers, there are 50 million different variants for each issue and I can’t be bothered with it. Second, for the main review, I’m going over the original content. At the end I’ll do a bit of riffing on the old Archie stories but content-wise they won’t factor into my overall results. So with that out of the way, lets take a look

Issue 1 opens with an introduction by Archie into his world. He’s not super-smart like Dilton or an aspiring filmmaker like Raj, his sister didn’t win American Idol like Trev’s did, but he is the person everyone’s talking about today. He and Betty Cooper have broken up thanks to a “lipstick incident” they both swore not to talk about it. He says he’s fine but going to the cinema and playing video games clearly don’t feel the same without her

He admits he’s actually deeply bummed but he doesn’t hate her, he still thinks she’s awesome, but the breakup was large and they haven’t spoken since. In the background we see Betty try to say something but eventually giving up. Everyone’s now gossiping about it. At a table in the lunch hall, Archie’s best friend, Jughead is being offered various desserts as a bribe so they tell them what happened. Jughead, in a break from his old character, refuses.

Archie joins him at the table. 2 other students are asking Betty if she found Archie cheating on her. Betty speaks up that Archie is a good person and there is no real villain in this. Reggie, a guy in a leather jacket, takes Betty away and tries to flirt with her, much to the others’ disgust. They decide to campaign to make her and Archie homecoming king and queen.

They persuade other students to vote using a combination of: reminding them of the good Archie’s done, flirting, texting, trying to set more people up as romantic interests, reminding people that Reggie could win and it’ll make Weatherbee (whoever he/she is) nuts and essentially blackmail to make people vote their way.

Kevin reminds them that since neither have dates it could be that neither of them come. He’s quickly reminded that Betty is coming stag whilst Archie is helping the band of the evening set up. Jughead intervenes, wondering why they couldn’t just let things be. When they question his friendship, he mentions he volunteered to count the ballots, leading them to believe he’s their ‘man on the inside.’ He asks for some crazy glue, which they give him, although they don’t really know why he needs it.

We cut to Archie’s house where we’re introduced to his dad, who has an act for bowling, home repair and guitar. Archie’s pretty cr*p at home repair and bowling but he’s a dab hand with a guitar. His dad asks if he’s finally playing in public tonight, wanting to come if he is but he lets him down believing he’s only doing a sound check and he’s gone.

At the dance Jughead arrives having not dressed up like the others. Archie’s just finished when the band finds their lead guitarist isn’t showing up. Jughead hints that Archie plays just as well and he’s quickly drafted. Whilst initially nervous, Archie soon gets his grove and his everyone dancing and cheering. The homecoming queen is announced to be Betty Cooper, whilst the king is Trevor Smith, much to everyone’s ire.

Jughead pretends to be oblivious to what’s going on but we see that he burned the ballot papers with Archie’s name on them. Jughead tells them that bringing them together in such a public place might’ve been a bit awkward for them, so it’s probably for the best. Jughead says they just need to be reminded what they’re missing, as we see Bette looking at Archie play whilst dancing with Trevor.

Jughead congratulates his friend who is torn between never wanting to do it again and wanting to do it forever. It was a lucky break but they wonder why the lead guitarist never showed up. Jughead tosses away the tube of crazy glue as we see he used it on the steering wheel of the lead guitarist. With his hands stuck to the steering wheel, he couldn’t answer his phone, or move... Man that could have some long-term consequences.

As they part ways the issue concludes with an ad for Archie Comics' twitter and a poster that says Lodge industries is coming to their town of Riverdale.

I really haven’t made many jokes, have I? I’ll try and make up for that later, let’s dive straight into issue 2

Issue two opens with Jughead pushing Archie away from a construction job. Archie says he needs money but Jughead says what he really needs is 10 fingers instead of 10 thumbs. Archie tells us that money is a sensitive topic around Jughead. He was once part of the richest family in Riverdale, able to eat $1000 burgers for lunch (must contain gold or something) and having birthday parties with unreleased video games (which if this really is the modern world, are loaded with bugs) but his family put everything (because they’re idiots) into a scam and went bankrupt overnight.

Archie doesn’t need to be rich, he just needs income. He’s tried jobs before but he has had little success, knocking over old ladies as a floor cleaner, getting thrust by a hose pipe as a boiler cleaner and setting an ice cream freezer on fire, somehow. (These are absolutely the kind of jobs people his age could do…) his car is a wreck and without Betty he has no mechanic

Betty is watching from the window before being drawn back by Trevor. He tries to get in her pants but she’s having none of it and thrusts him out of her room. Sheila enters next, wanting to give Betty a makeover for her birthday party. She feels bad for not inviting Archie but Sheila advises to let him go. She tries to apply a makeover but doesn’t really feel right doing it.

At the partially built Lodge mansion two thirds of the school is lining up for a job. (Again, people that young on a construction site = disaster waiting to happen) Dilton, Raj, Kevin, and erm… what's her name, even stated in #1 are there to save Archie from himself. But they’re too late, Archie already has the job and admittedly falls fowl as he trips over a bucket and tumbles down the hill.

As Archie gloats about how well he’s doing we see the others trying to prevent any more potential accidents. However, he sees as Dilton takes a nail gun out of his reach. He takes the nail gun off of Dilton and warns him to point it upwards, he accidentally fires off a few shots, breaking the tethers holding some giant globe in place, the globe rolls down the hill into a pile of wood. The other construction workers are less than impressed (I’d also point out that Archie isn’t wearing safety equipment) and he quits the job. What was the globe doing here? The mansions barely built, bit early for decorating.

That night Archie tries to fix the mess he made (again, coming onto a CONSTRUCTION SITE without safety equipment) plus avoiding hearing noise from Betty’s party. He sees a black car arrive and a beautiful woman with black hair arrives, he swings around, accidentally starting a digger (because it’s that easy apparently) which crashes into the foundations and crashes the house down. Mr Lodge is very annoyed and sees someone in the shadows, Archie sneaks off and Mr Lodge doesn’t see who he is.

He comes home having only earned $32.75, not enough to repair his car. But he arrives home to his car is running (say nothing for the physical damage). Either Archie misdiagnosed the car or he has some guardian angel…They come to bring Betty down and she reveals she has oily hands (ok, we get it, she repaired the car, but why not wash her hands after?) there’s general chatter about the Lodge family and the collapse of the mansion (which reached their ears very quickly considering) as Betty is told to make a wish. She looks at Archie and blows out the candles.

Issue 3 opens back at the school. Veronica Lodge, the girl from the last issue is starting at Riverdale High today and Archie wants to make it her best day. Jughead pulls him out of the way as he’s nearly run over by their car (how rude) he pushes her chauffeur aside and helps her out, being forced to carry a massive pile of books.

He introduces himself as a volunteer liaison and offers to show her round. He helps her to her locker and stashes her books away as she reveals she knows who he is, he way the guy who destroyed the house. She thought it was funny and isn’t going to tell, unless he gives her a reason to. Archie looks rightfully worried. She tells him to hold her handbag as she uses the loo, telling him not to look around lest he upset her pet poodle (which she may or not be joking about)

Jughead arrives asking why he’s letting Veronica put a leash around him like this, Archie denies any reason other than doing the decent thing to help out the new girl. Jughead calls upon a guy named Chunk (who comes up with these nicknames?) and asks how Archie helped him settle in, but Chunk doesn’t know who Archie is, proving his point.

Archie calls her Ronnie and she likes it, telling him to always call her that. Jughead looks on… Jughead texts Betty trying to get her help, but she refuses to get involved citing the #lipstickincident (oh come on, twitter hashtags outside of Twitter are not cool, they're not even that cool on Twitter) Mr Fludsnüt (again, who comes up with these weird names) catches Jughead out by he claims it’s a family emergency and is excused from class.

Whilst outside he catches some gossip from some teachers in the staffroom, gathering him a very irritated look from one of them. He enters the gymnasium where Archie is playing dodgeball. Archie asks why Jughead never seems to be in PE, it’s largely down to blackmail. He asks about Veronica, who he dubs ‘the Kardashian clone’ (ah references that will no doubt be timeless) and mentions the mansion. Archie panics, claiming he’s under a spell. Jughead says he’ll help as Veronica arrives to ask which way to the lunchroom (calling him Andy again). Archie shows her the way as Jughead shouts that HIS NAME IS ARCHIE!

At the lunchroom, Veronica gets a dish of sloppy joes. Archie is sent away for a shower, he tries to fight at this point but then says she’ll introduce him to her father and he backs down. She goes to the other girls at the lunch table, admiring Shiela’s clothing designs. Betty continues to brush off Jughead. Betty tries the food but she throws up over her clothes and has to head to the bathroom.

She calls her father telling her it’s awful here as Betty arrives, offering to find her a change of clothes. She walks out, saying the first words she’s said to Archie since #lipstickincident (damn it, now you’ve got me doing it) she brings her a pink dress and Ronnie just laughs it off, saying she’d look like a parade float. She heads of with her Archiekins leaving Betty rather annoyed.

As her butler brings her a change of clothes, Betty texts Jughead saying she’s just made it my business. Archie’s usual conclusion is interrupted by a newscaster with nothing better to do than interview a few characters about their first impressions of Veronica. Jughead’s is by far the funniest. Archie hands Veronica her books but tells him to follow with the puked outfit from behind. Jughead and Betty agree that something has to be done. Betty claims that she and Archie are done as a couple, and this is not born of jealousy, but not wanting to watch her best friend crash and burn.

Issue 4 opens with Archie receiving an electric shock from their overloaded electrical systems in the garage. Jughead offers him half of a “goo-bar” and Archie walks off to Jughead’s confusion. Archie explains to use that Jughead has just reminded him of the #lipstickincident and decides to explain further

Betty and Archie had done everything together since childhood. He claims he knows her better than most others. Until the fourth of July. They sit and watch the fireworks somewhere they’re not supposed to be (atop a water tower I think.) They race back to the house, Betty warns him not to fall but as he tries to brush that off he trips over a rock into her and they land on the grass together and kiss.

Archie claims that everything is perfect as they have fun stuffing watermelons in each other’s mouths, squirting cream on a car, tossing around Jughead’s crown and more cream and watermelon stuff. They share a “goo-bar” on a swing and somehow both end up with ants on their hands. As they both wash in a local rest room, Archie overhears comments like “I wonder if she wears a diaper” which the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Anyway, it’s Sheila and that girl whose name I can’t remember. Archie briefly chews them out and walks off, not waiting for Betty otherwise the plot can’t ensue. Not wanting to tick off someone ‘popular’ they ask Betty to hang out with them.

They hang out with the girls listing off all the petty things they don’t think are right with Betty including her engineering, her music and her name. F*ck the both of you for now and forever. If Archie or Betty ever went public with #lipstickincident you’d realise this is all your fault! Anyway, the do say she’s really pretty but needs to know how to wear it, so they take her to the mall for a makeover.

Whilst there, she gets a phone call from Archie asking her out to a movie.  That night Archie comes to collect her and sees her in her new getup, Archie is… weird about it. As they queue to get tickets Archie keeps looking behind him, presumably to see if any other girls really look like her. I mean, she looks beautiful but it’s superficial and looks kinda strange on her.

Archie asks about splitting a “Goo-bar” but Betty says it’ll mess up her dress. As they watch the movies Archie remembers all the fun they had together in the past and Betty storms off, Archie goes out after her. She asks why he’s being so weird and points out that she looks different and gets her bag in his face for his trouble. Archie says this makeup doesn’t really suit her and this is not the Betty he knows. She responds by smearing Archie with lipstick and saying. “Funny. You’re still you” before running off.

Archie says he misses her and was just trying to keep a promise (not sure what that promise was) Jughead’s bailed so that’s it for band practice. Veronica arrives saying she’s love to hear him play, so he plays. At Betty’s house, we see Jughead eating a sandwich whilst she and Betty discuss getting rid of Veronica. They have the help of Reggie Mantle.

So those were the main stories of Archie #1-4, what did I think, let’s take a look.

These issues were written by Mark Waid and his character writing for this is pretty spectacular. All of the characters, even the minor ones had a voice and it’s refreshing to read a book that’s handled that well. (I’m disappointed to say this doesn’t happen in ANAD Avengers #1, but that’s a review for another day) plot wise there are some issues, particularly with the second issue but… This is not going to be a title for a deep plot. There are 2 boxes that these issues needed to tick. Introduce our leads and flesh them out, whilst providing some of the comedy that the series is best known for.

The humour is done well, there’s a mixture of slapstick, witty dialogue and visual gags which means that I laugh at something in every issue. Whether it be Jughead’s voice of reason in #1, Archie’s slapstick in #2, the way Veronica leads Archie around in #3 and some of the fun Archie and Betty had in #4. The humour adds to the story rather than taking away from it, which is very important when wanting to engage the reader.

I must admit, I had concerns about this #lipstickincident when I first read about it. It seems Archie and Betty were, although mostly not speaking, still fond of one another but it had to be big to be classified as an "incident", especially given their long-lasting friendship. The way they handled it was perfect. Archie became somewhat flustered by Betty’s change in looks, she’s upset that he didn’t handle it well, and he says just the wrong things to make her snap. She realises soon enough that she blew up over nothing but the damage was already done. I was worried they’d make one of them more of a victim and make me dislike the other but I can see both sides to this with no real villain to it (as was stated in issue 1) and it doesn’t mean I dislike either character.

Veronica is gladly reinvented as more of a foil. Whilst this may change in coming issues her relationship with Archie was hilarious and provided some stark contrast to how things were with Betty. It’s clear the reboot’s stories have more depth to them than 70 years of continuity could allow. The reboot is handled properly, started over from scratch with small nods to past continuity but going in their own direction.

Fiona Staples provides artwork for #1-3 and it’s excellent, it’s perfectly suited to this title and it’s a shame it only lasts 3 issues. Annie Wu comes in as a fill-in artist for #4 and it’s a marked improvement over Black Canary. I think the props have to go to Andre Szymanowicz and Jen Vaughn, who provide the colours over the 4 issues. If Black Canary looked more like this I might not have dropped it.

Flaws? Well, some of the insults in #4 felt out of place for that age group but the bigger issue is the scheduling. Unfortunately, this comic only comes out every 6 weeks rather than every 4 weeks, likely because of the artist change #4 was a whole 8 weeks after #3. I can’t really fault the writing or art of the comic for this, these issues came out on time but it was a long wait for #4 particularly.

Ratings

#1 9/10

#2 7.5/10

#3 9/10

#4 8/10

Overall 8.375/10

Recommendation: This is a fun read with depth, humour and nothing badly wrong with it, check it out but don’t do so looking for an epic story. This is the tale of a band of ordinary teenagers.

But it’s not over yet. Each issue costs $3.99 and it’s justified seeing as these comics contain no adds. To bulk up the length each issue contains a short story from the old Archie universe which I will try and riff over briefly.

We start with Pep Comics #22

We open with Archie balancing on his bike. “He hates Archie, so if you value life and limb, call him “Chick.”” OK, I’ll start again, please don’t hurt me! We open with Chick balancing on his bike, quite possibly the most stupid thing you can do. He’s impressing a young Betty Cooper, who’s moving in today. He claims he can walk the fence blindfolded.

He does so until he loses his balance on an open gate and falls straight into painting belonging to Betty’s father. Trying to give it back he accidentally steps on a rake, in turn smashing a priceless vase. You can see the kind of person Archie is already, kinda stupid

Hiding a book ‘how to make friends and influence people’ down his pants he gets told by his father he has to pay for the picture. It would’ve been worse had his grandfather not intervened. He sits down, forgetting about the book, ripping his pants. See what I mean about him being kinda dumb?

Betty offers to help him by letting him assist in running a Taffy stand at the local circus (just moved in and you’ve got that job already?) Archie, sorry Chick says

“I need help like Jughead needs brains” kinda rude especially since Jughead’s a) Right on the step behind them and b) probably a new character since this is Archie’s first appearance.

At the stand, a ringmaster approaches a small girl and asks if she knows anyone who can be a tight-rope walker (because he can do that apparently) she recommends Arch… sorry Chick, who’s hiding from responsibility.

So Chick is found and made to do the walk, with Jughead having a bowl ready to catch him in but Chick discovers a butterfly on his nose, making him lose his balance, fall into the taffy (why would the tightrope be above the taffy and no wonder your last one’s injured when you have no safety net) and covering Betty’s father. He’s angry at Chick about this despite the fact it’s by no means his fault. He and Jughead run away with the random dog that’s only just shown up.

Next we have Jackpot Comics #6, and no I’m not gonna keep calling him Chick.

We open with Archie who is clearly too young to drive, splashing over Reggie in his car. Reggie insists on a fight but ends up falling into the mud without Archie laying a punch. The police arrive at Archie's garage the next morning and insist the car be taken off the road for issues like no breaks, no muffler, horn or lights. How Archie isn’t dead from this is frankly amazing. But he easily puts together that Reggie ratted him out

Jughead and his… cat warn him about the county fair. There’s a race with a new car as first prize. Since the order doesn’t include taking it for races he’d be allowed to do it except 1) he’d have to get the car there which means taking it on the street and 2) without brakes, you’re not going to do well in any race with corners.

He enters and this impresses the girls but Reggie isn’t having any of it and also enters, taking a supercharged engine and inserting it into his car. On race day Archie hears the engine and gets out to confront him. Taking no concern for his safety the race starts anyway

Archie gets back and his seat and he and Jughead begin their race. Jughead’s cat blinds Archie and he veers off course, taking a massive downhill shortcut which is in no way considered cheating. They’re in front but they’re heading uphill, he isn’t going fast and is soon overtaken but the car that overtakes him smashes into a tree.

The final obstacle is a stream and because Archie has no brakes they can’t stop for it, they plough into the stream, but a sand beam allows them to drive across safely. As many other cars don’t make it (how deep is this stream) Reggie finds the sand beam and drives across.

Mere inches from the finish line, Archie’s car hits a rock that should’ve been cleared from the track before they started and is thrust from the car (that’s why you should wear a seatbelt) they try and free it but it’s no good but thanks to Jughead’s cat Reggie smashes straight into them, launching them over the rock somehow and pushing Archie’s car across the finish line.

The next day we find that Archie has stripped the prize car apart to fix up his old one, which he’s driving around with Veronica.

Next we have Pep comics #26

I’ll cut over the intro and just say that Archie has a date with Veronica next week. Jughead reminds him that she’s rich and he has no money. He asks his father for a $10 advance on his allowance (worth a lot more in 1942) but his father refuses and tells him to get a job.

He finds an ad for a wanted bus boy (which apparently he’s not too young to apply for) it pays $12 a week but they supply a tuxedo so he’ll take it (this must be a fancy joint) so 6 days of doing dishes he has some money and one of the tuxes from the restaurant.

Veronica wants to eat in the same restaurant. Archie is kinda nervous about it and rightfully so as he finds himself caught for taking the tux. He offers to do double duty as both faithful date and bus boy in one night (because he’s kind of a moron like that, also do you have to change at the restaurant, that’s awkward). Especially since the taxi there cost them dearly.

They briefly dance until the boss sees him, wanting him to do the dishes and he leaves Betty with another guy so he can do them. After more hijinks Betty eventually spots him lifting a tray. He claims it’s for a bet which Veronica believes, accidentally tripping behind him, smashing all the crockery.

He finishes doing the dishes by 4am (his parents likely worried sick) and leaves, finding that Veronica had been taken home a while back. Later he and Betty pass a theatre playing “Debutante Daughter” Archie refuses, wanting nothing to do with debutantes

Finally, we have Archie comics #36

Archie sighs, he feels like dating tonight but Veronica’s tied up (masturbating helps, I find) his mother reminds him that she isn’t the only girl, there’s Betty, for example. Archie gets flustered saying him and Betty are like sisters.

He calls her anyway, and clearly the feeling isn’t mutual as she goes all lovey-dovey the moment he asks her. She quickly goes upstears and pretty much bathes in a combination of bath salts and liquids that aren’t water, meaning she’ll be all sticky and barely clean. She gets out her hope chest and wears the whitest dress that isn’t a wedding dress I’ve ever seen.

Archie arrives saying he’s glad they’re alone, she’s expecting romance but Archie just wants to read a book. Betty unplugs the lamp with her foot but Archie has a torch (bring your torch to every date, do you?) she hopes the warm fire would weaken his resolve enough to do something nice to her but it makes him tired and he wants to leave, she’s not happy about it. Before he leaves (Betty expecting something) he wants a slice of her mother’s custard pie and I totally sympathise with her response of throwing one in his face.

The next day we see Betty rebranding her hope chest as a ‘hopeless chest’

Ah, the 1940s, so much nostalgia… or at least I would have it if I were 70 years old or more.

Well, that’s a wrap, join me next month as I start to go through the “All New All Different Marvel” titles

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Images used in this review are from Archie and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use.