Guilty Pleasures #53 - Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Certain movies take a long time to get a sequel. This can be their benefit as the old version is less likely to be compared to it (unless it’s an absolute Classic: I’ll get to you Marry Poppins Returns later) to the original. It also offers the grounds for being a reboot/sequel, where you keep only the bare minimum on common with the original.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is a sequel/reboot to Jumanji, which we covered a few weeks ago. Its announcement came with some backlash as sequel/reboots such as the 2016 Ghostbusters had soured people to the idea (Ghostbusters 2016 isn't very good, but the hatred toward it can be extreme) plus the announcement came shortly after the death of Robin Williams and people noted it might’ve been in poor taste. But positive word of mouth clearly helped this grow roots, as it made an impressive $960m at the box office on a $150m budget. Bear it mind, it came out around the same time as Star Wars: The Last Jedi and the Greatest Showman, so this is an impressive feat.

It got a decent 76% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but with a caveat of only a 6.2/10 average score, with an audience rating at 87% averaging 4.3/5. Let’s take a gander and see what we’re looking at this time.

The movie starts out in 1996 and someone finds the Jumanji game washed up on a beach. He takes it home and gives it to his son, Alex Wreeke (Mason Guccione) he sees it’s a board game and decides to put aside and continue playing his video game. So overnight, Jumanji changes into a video game. He’s awoken and finds what once was a board game has now become a video game cartridge and because he’s a f*cking moron who doesn’t notice obvious danger signs he puts on the video game and we see a green light in his room.

We cut ahead 20 years we’re introduced to Spencer Gilprin (Alex Wolff), playing a fighting game, whilst reciting his moves aloud for some reason. He gets a text from his ‘friend’ Anthony ‘Fridge’ Johnson (Ser’Darbius Blain) asking if he has something, he says he does but somehow loses the game. They agree to meet at the ‘freakhouse’ in 20 minutes.

He goes to his computer and we get a cameo from his mother, telling him not to forget his epi-pen and that the world is a terrifying. I’m sorry, how old do you think he is? He prints the completed essay. We next get a cameo from Fridge’s mom, and we find his grades are down, and if he doesn’t get them back up, he’ll be dropped from whatever team it is he plays for.

Next up we’re introduced to Bethany Walker (Madison Iseman), obsessing over getting the perfect selfie. Spencer and Fridge meet up and old, charred, abandoned house that if you’ve been paying attention, looks suspiciously like the one we saw at the beginning. He hands over an essay, and yeah, he’s been doing Fridge’s homework, they were old friends and he hopes to re-engage there but Fridge brushes him off because he’s a jerk. Suddenly, I have more respect for the kids from ReBoot

Fridge is picked up but a random pretty girl who comes out of nowhere as Spencer gets a fright from an old man who lives at the house, you have some pretty poor housekeeping skills, I don’t think that place looks safe to live in!

Bethany is having a voice call in the middle of class, oh… she’s an idiot. She’s caught by a teacher and is given detention. Gym class and we’re introduced to Martha Kaply (Morgan turner), they’re told to partner up to cover very basic football skills (how far into the year are we?) and she refuses to partner up, when she tries to explain her rationale to the coach, she get’s detention, but does get Spencer’s attention.

Spencer is called out of class to the Principal’s office. Apparently the essay he wrote for Fridge contains enough similarities to his from the previous year that they’ve worked out its been copied. Spencer takes the blame for this, and it sounds f*cking stupid that he made someone have him do his essay for him, the even the Head rolls his eyes. They’re both landed in detention.

They’re taken to the basement, which is set to be converted, but first needs to be cleared out. They’re job is to take out a bunch of staples from old magazines so they can be recycled. Bethany refuses to help, and is trying to find reception whilst Fridge is just being an idiot. Spencer and Martha bond briefly whilst Fridge finds an old games console with the Jumanji game in. So… did they donate the console to the school? Why would the school want a games console?

Anyway, there’s also an old TV down there and for reasons I don’t care about, Spencer sets the console up. You get the usual Jumanji spiel and we get a character select, which unlike most games, doesn’t give you an image of the characters. For reasons to be explained later, they can’t select the character Jefferson ‘Seaplane’ McDonough.

So, instead Fridge selects a guy named Franklin ‘Mouse’ Finbar, because Spencer accidentally misreads ‘Mouse’ as ‘Moose.’ Spencer selects Dr. Smolder Bravestone as his avatar, Bethany selects “Shelly” Oberon and they eventually convince Martha to join them as Ruby Roundhouse. They start the game but the dreaded drums start to kick in, they unplug the game but it doesn’t work and they’re sucked into the game

Now, evolving Jumanji to a video game has its pros and cons. Because they’re not in the real world, the suspense and dread that made up the first one is less prevalent. Sure, they’re going to need to complete the game to go home but the stakes are generally lower. That said, they have an immediate out for any dated special effects as they’re in a world of a computer game.

So what do we have in place in the horror factor? Well, comedy, yup I’m being serious. Spencer’s Avatar is Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, the uber-tough badass being controlled by the nerdy wimp. Franklin Finbar is a surprisingly tolerable Kevin Hart, he’s essentially subservient to Bravestone, in a way that was reversed in the real world. The insecure, sarcastic Martha’s avatar as Karen Gillen, uber confident and badass, whilst the preppy, selfish, look-obsessed Bethany gets the fat man played by Jack Black.

This is a comedic goldmine and just having them get up to speed with this fact is hilarious. Each of them have 3 strokes tattooed on their arms. It ends with Shelly getting eaten by a rhino, who are generally herbivores but again, video game, he drops out of the sky to return to the game. They’re chased very briefly by the Rhino until they reach a car belonging to Nigel Billingsley (Rhys Darby), he tells them to get in and this is a very short opening level.

They get a bit of character exposition from Nigel, it doesn’t really matter so I’m glossing over it, but the important thing it’s corrected that Franklin’s nickname is Mouse and not Moose. Regarding the game’s plot, we’re given info but ‘cut-scene’. Nigel was hired by the game’s villain, Bravestone’s former partner turned nemesis, Russel Van Pelt (subtlety wasn’t really a thing in 90s video games) (Bobby Canvelle) He stole the fabled jewel of jewel of Jumanji and assumed dominion over Jumanji’s animals, but has become fully evil thanks to the jewel’s dark powers.

Again, hardly a great story but this is a video game from the early 90's, where story wasn’t as prevalent. Nigel managed to take the jewel and now gives it to Bravestone to replace back in the Jaguar’s eye and save Jumanji. If they want to leave, they need to complete the game and shout the name. They’re told to head to a bazar and find ‘the missing piece’ and are given a map

Turns out that it’s only Shelly that can read the map, as mapreading is essentially one of his skills. Bravestone accesses his skills. His strengths are being fearless, right, climbing, speech, boomerang and smouldering intensity, essentially he’s Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson and he has no weaknesses. Ruby follows suit, although discreetly and finds her strengths are Karate, Ta’ai Chi, Aikido and Dance Fighting and she has a weakness to venom, I’d imagine everyone has a weakness to venom.

Shelly finds her strengths are cartography (map-reading), archaeology and palaeontology, some of the spellings in this movie aren’t adapted for a UK audience, but this is a game from the US, so hasn’t been adapted to ‘PAL regions,’ his weakness is endurance. Franklin’s strength is zoology and he’s Bravestone’s weapons valet, but has weaknesses of cake, speed and strength.

The levels start showing up on the map, the next level is the Mighty Roar, and it’s exactly where they’re standing. They’re quickly attacked by an army of Russel’s human forces, which are heavily armed. They run into the forest but decide to use the cover of the forest to showcase Ruby’s martial arts and Bravestone’s boomerang skills. Shelly and Franklin both showcase their weaknesses in endurance and speed respectively, forcing Bravestone to carry a vocally reluctant Franklin on his back.

They reach the edge of a cliff and with men with guns right behind them, they’re forced to jump. Unfortunately it turns out Ruby took a bullet during the chase and disappears. She drops from the sky and Bravestone notices one of the slashes is missing from her arm, meaning they represent their life counter, each of them have 3 lives and there’s a good chance it’s game over if they lose all 3. Shelly is also missing one because of her incident with the hippo.

She finds the bazaar but before they can go there, Shelly has to pee. It’s funny because it’s a teenage girl in a grown man’s body. There’s no indication of a cut-scene, but Russel is informed of Bravestone’s arrival, and his acting is so over the top... it’s a bit too much for my taste but then over the top villains were a thing in the 90's.

Shelly and Ruby have a heart-to-heart, each laying bare the other’s flaws in the real world, the problem is in the real world, Bethany is f*cking insufferable. Self-absorbed is one thing but conducting a face-time call in class because she didn’t get a like from someone, Bethany is an awful human being and if there’s more to her beneath the surface, we weren’t presented with it then, we’re being presented with it now.

I totally side with Spencer in the argument between him and Fridge over the homework fiasco. F*ck fridge, do your own bloody homework, don’t force someone else to do it. I know you didn’t use bullying tactics but you may as well have. You got kicked off the team? GOOD! If you cheat to get homework in, god knows what you’re like on the field.

Then Fridge/Franklin threatens to ‘beat the sh*t’ out of Spencer/Bravestone, oh, so he is a bully, never mind, I hate him, anyway, Spencer/Bravestone realises the body he’s in has muscles on top of muscles and tells him to bring it on. The end result is Bravestone loses a life after Franklin pushes him off the cliff, Franklin gets smacked into a wall and almost falls himself but Bravestone catches him, warning them not to waste lives.

They make it to the village, filled with extras dressed in whatever random costumes they could find that day. Apparently Bethany/Shelly hasn’t eaten bread since she was 10, yeah, bullsh*t, anyway, he confuses pound cake for bread, which he then gives to Franklin, and given his weakness to cake he explodes (because yeah, that's a thing), before landing back in the bazaar, sans 1 life.

A small girl approaches them but for some reason will only talk to Bravestone. An Eagle notices them and goes to report to Nicholas, They’re taken to a room with a snake basket, they’re told that what the seek is inside but also that the missing piece isn’t what they think. Bravestone heads inside and opens the basket, revealing the snake. It’s decided that someone needs to stare down the snake whilst Bravestone grabs the other item in the basket.

Shelly/Bethany’s phone-obsessed experience puts her as the right man/woman for the job. God it’s confusing using pronouns for him/her. They enact their plan but it quickly goes wrong, as the snake heads straight for Ruby, Bravestone manages to catch it mid-attack, and then it’s up to Franklin, who thanks to his Zoology skill, knows how to defang a snake.

They find a package inside the basket, it contains an elephant statue and a note ‘if you see me, begin the climb,’ They soon spotted and try to run but they’re soon forced to fight. Bravestone uses his strength and Spencer’s fighting game knowledge to gain the upper hand, again announcing all the moves for some reason. Hey Ruby, aren’t you supposed to be a badass fighter, want to get in on the action? No? Van Pelt arrives with armed guards but they’re rescued when someone throws a smoke bomb into the fray and leads them into underground tunnels. They’re naturally filled with traps, but thanks to their guide, who they find out is Seaplane McDonough (Nick Jonas), they make it through relatively unscathed. 

There’s a hinted romantic attraction between Bethany/Sheldon and McDonough. I wouldn’t, it’s apparently his “right to be hellish.”  His real name is Alex, Nicholas kills off his lieutenant. Anyway, so Seaplane has strengths of piloting and making margarita cocktails, his weakness is mosquitoes, so his open house is surrounded by citronella candles which he got from, the bazaar?

He’s been here for what he thinks is a few months, living in a place built by Alan Parish, the character played by Robin Williams who was also sucked into the game, cool little detail. The next level is a vehicle shed, Seaplane has tried the level twice and failed both times, so he’s down to his last life. And here I think there’s a bit of a misunderstanding of how lives tend to work in video games. A life is the cost of a resurrection, not the number of attempts. If you have 3 lives you should have 4 attempts.  

They soon realise that the missing piece wasn’t of the map, but of the team, they needed Seaplane. They head to the vehicle shed but there are 2 armed guards guarding it, and no sign of their destination on the map. Shelly comes up with an idea to distract them, pass on her… femininity to Ruby and get her to do it.

There’s a slight hint at romantic attraction between Spencer and Martha, something we saw with Spencer earlier but we’re seeing here with Martha/Ruby and Fridge/Franklin drawing attention to it. Question, why not just throw the boomerang? Watching Jack Black give Karen Gillen pointers on attractiveness is hilarious. The conversation The Rock and Kevin Hart are having, not so much, thankfully it’s quickly interrupted as Seaplane has found a side entrance.

OK, flirting lesson over, Ruby is sent out as Shelly joins the others just in time for Seaplane to blurt 90's references like there’s no tomorrow, he’s Alex Wreeke, and he’s been missing in the real world for 20 years. This has Seaplane on edge, Ruby makes her approach but it’s painful to watch, also they’re NPCs (Using NPC is an insult is f*cking stupid, find another term) so they won’t act like human beings, so she has to fall back something she knows; music plays for some reason and she uses her dance fighting to distract them. They others make it in but Franklin knocks over some bikes which the guards here, so Ruby uses her fighting prowess to knock them out.

More guards are incoming but Seaplane is freaking out, he doesn’t consider himself that good a pilot, having crashed the plane and is nervous about taking the last remaining air vehicle, the helicopter. Ruby, with a bit of help from Shelly breaks him out of his funk and they’re soon in the air, but they’re hit and can’t maintain altitude. They manage to hover barely above ground but the dreaded drums sound a stampede of rhinos approach.

Bravestone heads out to try and fix the damage to the helicopter, but time becomes of the essence as they’re approaching a cliff. Unfortunately as they head up, the jewel falls out of Franklin’s backpack, and as they return they find the rhinos guarding it. Seeing no other option, Bravestone pushes Franklin out of the helicopter, causing the rhinos to chase him and leave the jewel for Bravestone to grab. They manage to catch Franklin as he falls out of the sky, now down to his last life.

Just as they’re celebrating Seaplane is bitten by a mosquito and falls over, rather than exploding. Shelly gives him CPR and sacrifices one of his remaining lives to revive him. Shelly gets a chance to console him over the whole 20 years thing, revealing that she’s starting to learn her arc and actually care more for others and not be completely blind to the world around her. Good to know.

Bravestone and Ruby and man is this awkward, Bravestone/Spencer admits he’s into her and has been for a while, Ruby/Martha admits it’s the same for her. They move in to kiss each other and it’s awful and funny as neither seem to have a clue how to do it, they’re cock-blocked by Franklin in their second attempt as he’s found the jaguar statue but once again, a bird has spotted them and goes to tell his master.

The arrive at the statue, a level marked ‘The Defenders,’ you know I would totally watch a show with these actors defending New York, probably would be better than the actual Defenders show. The path ahead seems straight forward but it’s Jumanji, so we know it ain’t so. Bravestone gets the jewel and the pathway immediately lights up but the infamous drums start playing. Sensing a trap, they turn to the statue of the elephant, thinking it means they have to climb, as the note said.

Bravestone is scared off the tree by a nasty looking squirrel and mauled upon landing. He returns sans a life and with him on his last life, he has a crisis of confidence that it takes, *sigh* a pep-talk from Fridge/Franklin to get over. I groan at this for 1 reason, I don’t like Fridge. Franklin uses Fridge’s football knowledge to help them but at that moment Van Pelt’s forces arrive. Still, his play tactic seems to be useful as the team split up, with Bethany using Ruby’s fighting skills against Van Pelt’s forces, and with Wreeke providing a short distraction, Bravestone has an opening to the statue.

Shelly isn’t so lucky as she gets captured by Van Pelt. Bravestone uses a flamethrower he has now to surround some tigers in a ring of fire. Franklin is confronted by an elephant but because video games, him having the nickname Mouse means he can stop the elephant in his tracks. OK… Bravestone reaches the statue, but Van Pelt has somehow beaten him to it and has Shelly at gun-point

Turns out though, this was diversionary, Bravestone doesn’t have the jewel, Franklin does, he charges in, riding the elephant, just go with it, who manages to take out some of Van Pelt’s jaguars, before being scared off by a gunshot. Shelly bites her way to freedom, but the jewel gets tossed into the cliff. Believing this to be the true symbolic element, Bravestone begins the climb whilst Ruby goes to the jewel, which has conveniently landed in a pit of snakes. She manages to creep by them and grabs the jewel, but Van Pelt has her corner. Look, she’s the only one with 2 lives left, and her weakness to venom hasn’t been exploited yet, guess what happens

She gets bitten and falls from the sky in just the right place for Bravestone to be able to catch her, with the aid of the grappling hook he has now. He places the jewel in the jaguar’s eye and they all shout Jumanji, turning Van Pelt into a pack of rats and they day is saved. Somehow Ruby and Bravestone make it back to the ground in time for Nigel to return and send them back to the real world… So, want to get on with removing those staples now?

On the way home, they pass by what was the freak house, but thanks to Jumanji rewriting all of space and time again, it’s back to being the Wreeke house. Alex still f*cking lives there, considering his father was still alive in the old timeline, does that mean he still lives with his parents? Anyway, he’s all grown up now (played by Colin Hanks) but he recognises the 4 of them, somehow. He still uses 90's lingo for some reason, crushing defeat for Bethany, but with a pinch of salt that he has a daughter who he named Bethany.

Next day in school, we see they’ve learned their lessons? Spencer is a bit more self-assured, Fridge is friendly with him again, I guess that’s a good thing? Bethany has a new-found love for nature, from an experience where nature spent most of the time trying to kill her and she’s a bit less self-absorbed too and Martha has come out of her shell a bit, she and Spencer kiss, ending the movie. The drums play again but they crush the games console with a bowling ball to make sure.

And that was Jumanji, Welcome to the Jungle and it’s a fun ride.

Rather than taking a horror/suspense approach that the last one did, this one evolved Jumanji from a board game to a video game and went for action and essentially body-swap comedy. Whilst it does take inspiration from video games from the 90's with its goofy villain, rhyming exposition, and goofy weaknesses, the more narrative-focused approach and photo-realistic graphics seem more akin to a modern game like Uncharted. 

The body-swap notion works well for character drama but I found myself only invested in Spencer and Martha, although that might say more about me. Fridge came off too much as a jock douche and a bully to boot and Bethany… is just a terrible person before the game. The body-swap element opens up comedic potential and its mined pretty well, with The Rock, Kevin Hart, Jack Black and Karen Gillen clearly having fun playing characters fairly opposite their usual type, this also reigns in Kevin Hart’s usual spiel, as I found him enjoyable instead insufferable like I usually do.

I can’t say this is better than the original Jumanji, but I can say it’s more my thing.

Rating -150%