Guilty Pleasures #52 - The Greatest Showman

20^th Century Fox – Just a smidge after Lunchtime

Time for the heads to hear yet another movie pitch, millions of dollars on the line for those who are successful. Next up we have producers Laurence Mark, Jenno Toppin and Peter Chernin, they want $84million dollars for their movie musical: The Greatest Showman loosely based on the life PT Barnum, who once publicly displayed the autopsy of his slave.

WHOOAAAAAAA

Ladies and Gents, this is the movie you’ve waited for

WHOOAAAAAAA

Historical accuracy, it doesn’t matter anymore

WHOOAAAAAAA

The money this makes is something you can’t ignore

Not a box office Bomb

Album Number One

And merchandise, we’re never done

Don’t fight it, it’s gonna make us all lots of money

Take a tragedy and make it into something funny

And some dancing, pad the movie out to make it longer

Don’t bother with a plot, it won’t make this stronger

Make the crowd feel like they’re watching a play

For several months in the cinema this will stay

There’s a formula for getting hands in their wallets, do you want to know?

This is how it’s gotta go!

Fill it with the songs the crowd will like

Even if the story’s kinda shite

Big box office figures

This film will deliver

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

Hugh Jackman in the lead

Box Office Guaranteed

Who cares what we make up

It’s just entertainment

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

WHOOAAAA

Who cares if Barnum really was a piece of sh*t

WHOOAAAA

If we mellow him out, this movie will be a hit

Don’t fight it, it’ll make us all lots of money

Take a tragedy and make it into something funny

Add some drama, don’t go too far off what they know

Listen carefully, this is how it’s gotta go!

Fill it with the songs the crowd will like

Even if the story’s kinda shite

Big box office figures

This film will deliver

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

Hugh Jackman in the lead

Box Office Guaranteed

Who cares what we make up

It’s just entertainment

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

It’ll make you all the cash you want

Satisfy your corporate greed

For the next few months or so

It’ll give us all you’ll ever need

It’ll make us all the cash we want

Satisfy our corporate greed

Keep your share price in the green

It’ll give us all we’ll ever need

ALL THAT WE’LL EVER NEED

Fill it with the songs the crowd will like

Even if the story’s kinda shite

Big box office figures

This film will deliver

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

Hugh Jackman in the lead

Box Office Guaranteed

Who cares what we make up

It’s just entertainment

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

Look at that dough right in front of you

May seem impossible, you know it’s true

Nothing can stop us now

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW-MAN

And this is the Greatest Showman review

The Greatest Showman was, and there’s no doubt about this, massively successful. Making money week after week at the box office, even increasing in the US after its opening weekend. It made $435 million by combine that with licencing deals, album sales, merchandise, DVD’s, this thing was a helluva money spinner for Fox.

Critically, the response has been mixed, it currently holds a 55% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with a 5.9/10 average score, it’s a big disparity with the audience rating of 87% with an 4.4/5 average score. So, do the audience see something the critics don’t, or is it the other way around? Well, you might be able to guess given my parody song lyric opening, but let’s dive in anyway.

We open with The Greatest Show, it’s a good opening number and sets the stage of who PT Barnum is, or at least the part of him they want to show us, the man behind the circus. Yeah, it’s in media res, so we’ve got a fair bit of ground to cover before we get much in terms of context for this. The song is the first show-stealer: loud, theatrical and well-choreographed, and if you like pop-style musicals, you’ll be in for a treat.

Unfortunately, before we get to the next song, it’s time for the plot. And I won’t split hairs on this, the plot is, by far the weakest element of the movie. We flash back to PT Barnum as a kid (Ellis Ruben) not exactly the rich type, his shoes warn to the bone and his father (Will Swensen) having creditors to pay off. He’s providing fabrics or something to a the rich Hallet family (Fredric Lehne and Kathryn Meisle). Naturally, right in view of their daughter, Charity (Skylar Dunn) having manners lessons.

PT Barnum mocks her and gets her to laugh which earns him a slap in the face. The two meet each other, and Charity tells him that she’s being sent to finishing school. But that’s enough plot for now, time for another song. Ziv Zaiman provides the voice for young PT Barnum here and he clearly has singing talent, even if the vocal change is a bit jarring.

This song is fine, not my favourite but not a bad one. There’s a cover of by P!nk which rather misses the point of the song by not being a duet. But this is also a time for some character background, we don't get a lot of this so savour it while you can. We see the two visit an old abandoned house and PT’s uncanny ability to make entertainment from the smallest things, in this case, show displays. Of course, she heads off to boarding school, but they keep in contact via mail.

PT Barnum’s father ultimately dies and he basically ends up on the streets, having to steal to survive. He fails to steal bread, because Aladdin did that first, but a kindly, less attractive woman offers him an apple. He begins selling thrown away newspapers. PT sees the advertisement for working on the railroad, and it’s how he survives into adulthood (he's now played by Hugh Jackman) and comes back for Charity (now played by Michelle Williams) as an adult.

He proposes and they move into a small apartment together, with convenient bed-sheets on the roof to dance with. And then of course they have a child. Barnum is working in an office, now construction on the railroad is completed. He tries to ask his boss for something but since a bunch of their ships just sank in the South China Sea, the business is effectively broke and everyone’s laid off.

There’s a leak in the ceiling and we’re introduced to Barnum’s 2 girls, Helen (Cameron Seely) and Caroline (Austyn Johnson) Not mentioned in this movie is their third child Frances, who died at the age of 2. Given the likely ages of the other two daughters, that would’ve already happened by this point. He blags his way out of having to buy a birthday present with a ‘wishing machine’ and we get a brief reprisal of A Million Dreams with the kids singing too, regrettably.

We cut to the bank where a woman has her loan application rejected for her and her son, we’ll get back to that. Barnum is next up and cons the bank using documents he’d stolen from his previous job as collateral. OK, there are so many problems with this, you didn’t think to check to the signature? There was nothing in that document that lead back to the company? No news about the South China Sea incident. I know it’s a long way away, but it can’t be completely unknown, or they wouldn’t have been out of a job. Also, the real Barnum didn’t do this.

So with $10000, he buys a building and turns it into a ‘museum of curiosities’ it’s filled with wax figurines and stuffed animals. It does pretty bad business and flyers for it litter the street. As he puts the kids to bed, they suggest he needs something living to draw attention to his museum. He heads down to the house of the woman and her son we saw back at the bank, he’s apparently 22 years old but his dwarfism means he looks like a child, his name is Charles Stratton (Sam Humphrey).

You can tell his mother is kinda ashamed of it too, which is quite tragic. PT offers him stardom in the show, putting him as a military general. They begin putting up posters for people of curious talents, and he’s soon directed to a bearded lady (why doesn't she just shave, I mean she must've shaved other areas) named Lettie Lutz (Keala Settle) who can sing, boy can she sing, we will get to that.

And soon we get quite an audition’s process, and a quick introduction to Anne Wheeler (Zendeya) and WD Wheeler, you can guess which one’s important (it’s the one I credited the actor of) they’re people of colour. We also see that Barnum has a knack for using hyperbole to further his promotion. And it seems to work. Time for another song. One thing of note is James Babbson provides the singing voice for Charles. It’s less obvious than with young Barnum.

We see the show evolving, with more attention brought to the live performances over anything else in the museum, and it’s seems to get cheers from the crowd, but not from the most awful person in the movie and indeed ever: THE CRITIC

Oh god, why? No-one ever makes fun of their detractors and looks better for it. Barnum sees his description of the show as a circus and wants to use it, and we get the first example of what this show thinks prejudice was like. I…. I don’t buy it. Unfortunately, it’s a major element in the plot too and I’ll talk about this more later

So, THE CRITIC and Barnum talk, THE CRITIC asking whether it poses a problem that everything Barnum is selling is fake. Except it isn’t, the talents aren’t fake, the looks aren’t fake, there’s just a bit of hyperbole in the advertising. With the money made from the show, Barnum’s bought a mansion for them, along with some ballet shoes for Caroline, as there’s a ballet school within walking distance (she mentioned wanting ballet shoes back when she was introduced). I think it’s supposed to the one from A Million Dreams, but there’s a lack of shrubbery.

There’s a ballet recital that seems to go well and PT Barnum gets wind of one Phillip Carlyle (Zac Efron) and we hear that the ballet girls are snobbish and something about peanuts. Forgive me if I’m wrong but aside from a guy selling peanuts outside the circus as a bit of background audio, is there anything that visually links peanuts with the circus yet? Caroline is upset and takes it own on Barnum, with another line about faking talent which is confusing

Barnum decides to meet up with a rather depressed sounding Carlyle, and they head into a bar. And have well, basically, this is my favourite song in the movie. Nope, not the exceptionally popular This is Me, but the song that’s basically a debate between Barnum and Carlyle. Their lines bounce off each other well and it’s clear these two have experience in this kind of production, Jackman from his work in the theatre and Efron from his High School Musical days.

I mean, Efron had a disaster with Baywatch, so maybe this one helps get his head in the game

Long and the short, Carlyle agrees to sacrifice everything he has and will have to help Barnum appeal to the high-brow market in exchange for a 10% cut, it could be he chose so because he was drunk from all the shots. Carlyle is not someone from history, he’s loosely based on James Anthony Bailey but loosely is the operative word, it wasn’t till much later that they met, and that’s when the circus actually formed.

Another reference to peanuts and now one to clowns. I don’t think there’s a single clown in this movie. Again, bear in mind this was the inception of the circus, it’s not like these are commonly ingrained to our perception like they are now. Now, on ‘the other side’ Carlyle meets Anne Wheeler, and, as the slow motion tells you, he falls in love with her, I’ll let this slide, for a good song later.

The protests seem to be getting worse and they’re protesting what exactly? That the show exists, that the ‘freaks’ have jobs? I can’t fault it too much because prejudice was always illogical, partially down to a ingrained sense of superiority and partially fear of difference and the unknown but maybe it’s the PG movie syndrome kicking in but it just feels so forced and fake.

But it’s not all bad news as Barnum and his troupe have an invite to perform for Queen Victoria in Buckingham Palace, as secured by Carlyle. Presumably several months later the troupe arrive at the palace, the show happens almost entirely off-screen, if there even is one, because we’re introduced to the movie’s biggest misstep, Jennie Lind (Rebecca Ferguson)

Barnum sees $ signs in his eyes, and asks Carlyle to introduce him, which he does. Barnum offers to make her a star, despite never having heard her music before, in the US and she agrees, with her fee largely going to charity, this is so far true to real life but the problems are to come soon and boy do they hit hard.

Back in the US, presumably after another several months, the stage is set for Jenny’s debut performance. Carlyle asks about the others, Barnum tells him to shoe them somewhere they can’t be seen because he’s a bit of a pr*ck, then proceeds to call them ‘sideshow novelties’ just to emphasise that point.

OK, misstep number 1. Never Enough, whilst not egregiously bad, is the weakest song in the movie. For some reason they got Lorren Allen to provide her singing voice (13^th in the Voice, coached by Adam Levine – what qualifications) it’s not the disparity in voices that’s the problem here, but beyond being the one song that doesn’t have the theatrical energy the others have had that make them special to me, it doesn’t make sense for an opera singer from Sweden to be singing this loud, emotional pop song in the vein of a modern pop star like Adele or Kesha (Kesha later provided a cover)

Naturally the plot says that it’s the most brilliant song ever, which just sours me even more to it. Even THE CRITIC seems to like it, although with a snide comment about Barnum being thrown in just because…

So after-party, a touch of drama for no reason…. Jenny toasts Barnum and then connects with him over stuff that doesn’t really feel true to Jenny Lind as a person at all. The other acts show up but Barnum continues his dickishness so we can lead into the next and most popular of the songs, This is Me.

This is me is not my favourite song, but it has stuck around, at time of writing, it’s still on the Vodafone UK Big Top 40, and it’s been nearly a year since the song was released as a single. Admittedly, the charts have been stagnant this year anyway, but it’s still impressive. Keala Settle gives a powerhouse performance with this song and I can see why people who are anxious or have experienced bullying or prejudice gravitate towards this song’s inspirational message.

So Jenny Lind’s country wide tour required Barnum to borrow a lot of money, but not for the reasons they’re stating here. Lind insisted her fee was paid up front and in advance, and the offer was $1000 a night for 150 nights. The deal was ultimately changed later on so that any profits after a $5500 management fee were paid to her charities, assuming all other expenses were covered there, it’d be the 28^th show where he’d make a profit, not the 41^st as this implies.

Carlyle tries to convince him not to divide his attention, the gate totals are down and the protester numbers are growing, Barnum shrugs it off and heads on his tour, leaving his wife and children unhappy. But we’ll get to that later. For now, Carlyle and Anne have a date which goes awry quickly when Carlyle’s parents show actual 17^th century racism.

Rewrite the stars is another good song, not sure how I feel when Zac Efron hitsw those high notes. It’s interesting to note that the last time I saw Zendeya, she was playing the cynic Michelle in Spider-man homecoming. But she can really sing. Anne Marie and James Arthur’s redo of this song is also really good, my only issue is when the radio stations edit half of it out and completely rob the entire meaning in the process. In movie, the other issue is the lack of development this relationship has had, but lack of character development beyond initial traits is a general issue with this movie.

So Barnum heads off on the tour with Jenny, none of his family are happy and, well, it’s been 30 seconds, time for another song. Walking a Tightrope is honestly among the weaker of the songs. And it’s not choreographed like the others, as it’s just a montage of things going on, and in particular things getting worse at the circus, are protesters paying their way in now? In contrast the tour seems to be going really well.

THE CRITIC gives the highest praises to Lind and we get to the bigger and much worse misstep done with Jenny’s character, the f*cking love triangle! Barnum offers to leave, thinking he’s become a distraction and she takes this very badly because she’s a cold hearted b*tch seeking the heart of a man because she thinks they’re the same. She sings a final song and quits the tour before the show was able to make profits

OK, so in reality there was a clause in Jenny’s contract that allowed her an exit after 60 shows in exchange for $25000 off her fee, more than enough for Barnum to get his money back. She ultimately departed from him after 93 shows, and it was about Barnum’s over-excessive promotion which she was getting tired of. She continued the show under her own management but the departure was amicable.

And with a few tweaks to the narrative, this could’ve worked here too. Barnum’s over-excessive marketing ties right into the character arc of him being obsessed with putting on a show everyone loves, without thinking about the people involved. This version not only makes Lind look like a cold-hearted bitch for ditching him and leaving him in financial ruin just because he doesn’t reciprocate her affections but it makes Barnum look like a f*cking idiot for not making any sort of agreement with Lind over these shows that stops her walking out.

To make matters worse she kisses him and it’s caught on camera. OK, it’s one thing to make up a character, but when you’re representing a real person like Lind, it’s important to be respectful, and this isn’t respectful at all.

Back in New York, the protesters get into a fight inside the building and set it on fire. Barnum arrives back and is quickly alerted to the fire. Most people have managed to escape but Anna is supposedly trapped inside, Carlyle to the rescue! Turns out she made it out, but now Barnum rushes in to get Carlyle out, as the roof begins to collapse. They make it out but Carlyle is unconscious and needs a hospital visit

Fact check again, no-one actually knows what the cause of the fire was in reality, it actually happened to Barnum twice. They could’ve used that and cut out 2/3 of the prejudice subplot. Anna sits by Carlyle’s bedside, singing the positive version of rewrite the stars, although choking back tears. THE CRITIC arrives because where else would he be, aside from literally anywhere. The thugs were apparently caught, ha, right, and goes on to say it was inspiring, despite his distaste for it.

THE CRITIC then shows him the picture of him of Lind kissing, or an artist’s interpretation of it because there’s no way in hell you can convince me that was the photo. He rushes back to Charity but she’s not in a good way about it all, he had to borrow on the house, and now the bank are evicting them, she actually does believe him when he says nothing happened between him and Lind, making what did happen even more pointless.

She’s going back to her parents so he heads back to the bar to drown his sorrows. The other performers come, wondering what’s next but Barnum’s at his lowest moment so… They come to glorify him and tell him whatever his intentions were, the end result is they became a family and didn’t need to hide in the shadows. Time for the final song, the one where Barnum learns his lesson, I think I might throw up.

From Now On is a good song, just for the record.  Hardly my favourite, but it has the energy and decent choreographed routines. But we need to have a word about sound balancing. This song and a couple of others start with the words barely audible and go to booming volume  Carlyle wakes up and he and Anna finally kiss as Barnum heads to make up with his wife, which he does remarkably quickly. Not much can be recovered from the circus though, and none of the banks are willing to loan Barnum more money.

Carlyle turns out to be the saving grace, having taken his share out weakly and saved it up. They can’t afford a building but Land is much cheaper, then all they need is a tent, hope it’s fireproof. Carlyle wants a 50-50 partnership, and given he has all the money Barnum bites his hand off. And we’re back at the start, with the Greatest Show.

And the ending, oh Jesus, Barnum hands over the ropes to Carlyle so he can watch his kids grow up. I understand why he would want to after this arc, but it was previously established that the only reason people kept coming back are for Barnum’s crazy ideas. Barnum comes off at the end as kind lazy is what I’m saying.

Anyway, Barnum takes an elephant because even going to his daughter’s ballet recital he can’t help but try and be the centre of attention and his other daughter was playing a tree.

So that was the Greatest Showman

There’s clearly a lot of love and heart put into it, and it when the songs start, the well-choreographed dance routines and excellent singing (even with the songs I don’t like) carry this movie alone.

The actors are all giving it their all, I can’t think of a bad performance among them. But…

Here’s a parody version of The Other Side, I would’ve done it with Greg from GregsChan1 but a combination of laziness and copyright (say nothing of my inability to sing) prevented me

I know you see

The strengths of this movie

You try deny it but I

See it clearly

The songs are great

Look at the charts. Check mate

They’re getting covers from

Serious artists

I know your rage, it burns,

But I know your head, it turns

You wanna like this movie, really like this movie

See past its many flaws

And for its worth you’ll give applause

Just say you like it and we’ll see

If you’re ready to relay

What a great film it is you saw today

The Greatest Showman is great

And you know damn well why

Just come and join the other side

For you can rage like you do

Or you can smile like me

Choose the latter

And I swear you’ll be more happy

Oh, f*ck, this couldn’t sound more contrived

Just come and join the other side

OK, I admit

It’s not a piece of sh*t

But if the songs are all you’ve got

You just don’t get it

Barnum was scum

And the plot is really dumb

Also, love triangle?
Just kill me now!

Know that I respect your voice

But I have made my choice

If you write a story, commit to write a story

Don’t use it to bridge songs

It just brings out the wrongs

And you’re just left with misery

This film cannot get away

With playing it safe, and structured like a play

The money it has made should not mean that we let it fly

Don’t really see the other side

So you can smile like you do

I will just rage like me

My handle’s Rage Issues,

I really should keep on theme

Oh, sh*t, it seems that you I have defied

I think I’ll stay on the same side

You know that Barnum may have changed his ways

Fought against slavery in his later days

But that doesn’t excuse what he did in the past

Those awful atrocities, they’ll forever last

But this is about the film, not about the man

Just look beyond the hate and see what I see

And it’ll cool you off, and stop your aching

From all the walls your head was breaking

Now that’s a deal that seems worth making

But I guess I’ll leave that down to you

You make a point, that the songs improve this greatly

What kind of number should be this film’s rage rating?

How kind of you, you want me to give the score?
I’ll give you -2000, nothing more

 With that you must be joking

-20 is my line

Don’t be ridiculous, this movie’s more than fine

-1000

-58

-500

-69

-100

This is the deal that we’ve made

A compromise on the score that this will take

It’s got songs that are good, and plot that makes you wanna sigh

We’ll take the best from both our sides

So, we can rage like we do

Or we can smile aptly

We will just both shake hands

And both walk away happy

Oh, damn, the drama will now subside

Cause we can see the other side

Rating: -100%