Guilty Pleasures #2 The Dark Knight Rises

Yup, it's Batman, always Batman. And it’s the third in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy. I must admit, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Batman begins (in fact there are certain parts of it I absolutely hated "I won't kill you, but that doesn't mean I have to save you" YES IT DOES, YOU'RE BATMAN), and was sceptical when the Dark Knight came out. My sister saw it before I did. I only bought it because I had ClubCard coupons and it was cheap at Tesco.

To my surprise, for the most part it was amazing, catching the relationship the Joker has with Batman better than Tim Burton's movie, although they didn't make him all that funny, but you can only ask for so much, especially in this incredibly grim world of Christopher Nolan. So, I came into the cinema to watch the Dark Knight Rises and came out smiling. Then I read all the negative reviews, and found points I genuinely agreed with.

So I wasn’t sure how I'd feel watching it again, but I still enjoyed it, for every flaw, and there are lots of them, I actually still like this movie. Thing is, I have an incredibly hard job explaining why. So, with no idea how this review will end, let's dig into the Dark Knight Rises 

Some minor plot details from the Dark Knight. At the end of the movie Harvey Dent, then reborn as Two-Face murderers several people before dying when confronted by Batman, wanting to save what Harvey had built prior to him becoming Two-Face, Batman took the blame for the murders and ran into the shadows, never to be seen again FOR 8 F*CKING YEARS

 

You don't need to listen to this guy for long before you know he's going to die

So, let’s dig into the Dark Knight Rises (inventive title) we start with… a CIA meeting where 3 masked men (who were brought in by an undercover member of their crew) are brought onto a plane with their masks still on (face-palm) in other words we begin with the CIA being idiots. We meet our lead jack*ss interrogator who wants to know about the man who set it up, he holds a guy off a plane and threatens to shoot him. Another of the men quite rightfully why anyone would shoot a man before chucking him out of the plane. Jack*ss removes the mask (finally) to reveal our antagonist, Bane (played by Tom Hardy). In his barely understandable voice, Bane reveals that they had offered a position to the physicist also on the plane, but that he chose the CIA and that Bane needed to know what he’d said.

The physicist reveals he’d said nothing, and they proceed to crash the plane, leaving the jackass, the CIA men, and one of their crew for dead (surely someone would be suspicious that the physicist is missing)

 We cut to Gotham City. Harvey Dent day is being celebrated outside Wayne Manor, Commissioner Gordon (played by Gary Oldman) goes up to make a speech but then says it isn't time to hear the truth, and goes on making compliments to Harvey (because that isn't suspicious in the slightest.) Deputy Commissioner Peter Foley (who from now on I’m going to call Jack*ss 2) talks to a man I can’t remember the name of, as they discuss Gordon’s situation with his family, and the fact the mayor's going to dump him in the spring as he’s a war hero in peace time (that makes no f*cking sense, but…)

2 seconds, that's how long it took me to know that character was an a**

We’re introduced to John Daggett (played by Ben Mendelsohn) who I’m calling Jack*ss number 3 talking to Miranda Tate (played by Marion Cotillard) about Bruce Wayne’s “clean energy project” (more on that later.) One of the maids sneaks into Wayne’s safe and steals some pearls.

 

"Mark my words, I will complete my evil plan, there's nothing to do to stop me, b*tch"

She is confronted by a decrepit Bruce Wayne (reprised by Christian Bale), she knocks his cane away and escapes through the window (our hero ladies and gentlemen can’t stop a cat-burglar right in front of him) she enters a car with the congressmen and leaves to become a plot-point later. Bruce reveals that while the thief had stolen the jewels, they weren’t her target, in fact she was attaining a sample of his finger-prints.

 

This is Alfred (played by Michael Cane), I won't be mentioning him for a while, but he's here

On a police rooftop, we’re introduced to Detective John Blake, played by Joseph Gordon Levitt, he asks whether Gordon was lying, and Gordon doesn't give him a straight answer. In the Batcave, Bruce tracks the stolen pearls to Selina Kyle (Played by Anne Hathaway). In a bar in an ugly part of town, Selina enters with the congressman secretly in toe, she exchanges Bruce Wayne’s fingerprints with an assailant of Jack*ass 3 but when he turns on her, she reveals he’d used the Congressman’s phone, and the police storm the place. They give chase to the assailant’s assailants and Commissioner Gordon follows them into the sewers. Where he shot and captured. He is brought before Bane, before escaping into the water-line and coming out at a junction where conveniently John Blake is looking

 

Wow, the only person ever in a scene lacking clothing that I remember is Bane, how unusual

John Blake then pays a visit to Wayne manor, and says he knows Bruce Wayne is Batman thanks to knowing he was hiding feelings when Bruce visited the orphanage he grew up in. Yeah… BULLSH*T, that is the worst reason for knowing Bruce Wayne is Batman I’ve ever heard. Anyway, when he mentions the funding for the orphanage stops, Alfred reveals that Wayne Industries had not been making a profit. Finally seeing a reason to leave the house, Bruce Wayne first visits the hospital, where it’s revealed his knee has no cartilage. He then proceeds to jump out the window and talk to Gordon (yeah, because that doesn't undermine that previous scene at all) where Gordon reveals what he saw in the sewers.

 

Wow, this mask hides so much of my face, I'm a great dancer too *wink**wink*

Cut a dance party where Bruce Wayne talks a little to Miranda, and recovers his pearls from Selina, only for her to steal his car. We also get a scene with Lucius Fox, played by Morgan Freeman

Nice looking office, Wayne Industries employees get all the perks

Who reveals the expenditure into the fusion project was what resulted in the losses, recommending he show the project to Miranda, he also shows Bruce a number of Batman related Gizmos that he’d acquired using military contracts. (Some say this is foresight, I call it plot convenience) so with those inspiring err…  whatever that was supposed to be, Bruce buts on a magical knee-brace that basically cures him (we so needed that sub-plot) and puts on the Batman suit, Alfred protests, before giving a lot of cryptic bullsh*t about Bane. Batman ignores his warnings and goes out.

 

Pretty sure even if such medicine existed for this kind of damage, it wouldn't be this instand

At the Gotham Stock exchange, Bane organises a hostile takeover. With Jack*ss 2 in charge, the police soon have the place surrounded, but they can do nothing to stop the assailants escape as they have hostages.

In case you thought we were above stereotypes, we have the stupid black man

Batman tries to assist, and originally, in an homage to the Dark Knight Returns, the police sit back and watch. This would be great if it weren't for the fact that HE KILLED HARVEY DENT! So, Batman’s spotted by Jack*ss 2, and rather than chase the men who by the admission of one of the clerks at the stock exchange could gain access to EVERYONE’S MONEY he decides to send his entire force after the Batman. Batman easily gets away using his new plane.

Tell me I'm wrong here, in the first image it's the daylight, but it's clearly night time in the image on the TV screen

Selena Kyle meanwhile breaks into the house of Jack*ss 3, intending to get what she’s. A ridiculous clean slate programme that will essentially turn you into a non-person. When she discovers it isn’t in the safe, she interrogates Jack*ss 3 but is eventually surrounded by Bane’s men, thankfully Batman is there to rescue her.

 

A crazy cat and a crazy bat, that reminds me of a song or something...

He returns to the Batcave and Alfred and he fall out over how he’d lead the police away from the real thieves, and how Alfred doesn't want him to die. Seeing it as the final straw Alfred decides to walk away, knowing this will make ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOVER!

The next morning Lucius Fox comes to Wayne Manor and reveals that Bane had used his control of the stock exchange to make unwise investments for Bruce Wayne, and essentially bankrupted him. Knowing that Wayne Industries is about to fall into the hands of Jack*ss 3, he has no choice but to trust Miranda Tate and shows her the reactor.

 

Gee, a chamber that could be flooded at any time, and Bruce decides not to leaving the option of it being turned into a bomb very real

Furious that Miranda got control of Wayne Industries Jack*ss 3 confronts Bane. Bane reveals he’d been using him and snaps his neck (2 down, 1 to go) Bruce visits Selena and hints that Batman has the clean slate, and would give it to her if she lead him to Bane, which she does, but it’s a set up.

Bane proceeds to beat the living cr*p out of Batman, before revealing that he’d somehow built his base underneath the Wayne armoury (there are multiple problems with this, but I’ll just ask how on Earth did he know. The only people who knew were Bruce and Lucius, and they’d hardly tell him.)

 

Christopher Nolan's answer to Knightfall, if the question is can they make something that isn't as good as nightfall

Anyway with Batman broken, he’s left to rot in some prison in the middle of no-where. I assume it’s supposed to be an homage to Santa Prisca, the fictional prison Island bane escaped from. Bane says he’ll destroy the city

And he begins that plan by threatening the Wayne enterprises board into arming the fusion reactor and removing the core. Jack*ss 2 admits to Gordon that he was being a jack*ss, and that ‘the masked man’ exists. Gordon must have been made crazy from the medicines as he orders EVERY COP IN THE CITY to enter the tunnels and flush him out (I hope nothing dreadfully ironic happens, that would be a disaster) except for John Blake, who was ordered to find out the Daggett construction connection. As the police storm the sewers, John discovers that the construction workers were planting explosives in the concrete.

 

We interrupt this Batman movie to give you the football, what an explosive match we have here

Before John could do anything about it. Bane detonates the bombs, causing the sewer tunnels, and all but on the bridges off the islands to collapse (and the consequences for Gotham's water supply will be ignored, ewww, also, since when is Gotham an Island, did I miss that comic?) and he makes a speech with a microphone against his face, making him even harder to understand. He has the physicist explain that the weapon is a bomb, and only he could disarm it, before snapping the physicist’s neck. He makes a rambling speech about Gotham's revolution (which just seems overly-complicated if I’m honest) explaining that a random citizen has the trigger to the bomb, and could detonate it at any time.

 

"Let me move the microphone closer to my face, DO#S TH&S S{U(D AN? B$£TER

So under threat of detonation, the national guard guard the bridge (lead by Jack*ss number 4) stopping people from crossing it but allowing supplies. Gordon is taken out of the hospital by Blake, and wants to get in front of a camera. But Bane beats him to it, revealing the truth about Harvey Dent and breaking through the walls of Blackgate Prison releasing every single prisoner. They convene a court, led by Jonathan Crane which basically takes rich people and kills them by letting them drown in icy water.

The next few months are a bit of a blur if I’m honest. Bruce starts to recover from his ordeal, and hears a bit about Bane’s origin. He was attacked by plagued prisoners and the mask is the only thing stopping his severe pain. Also some stuff about Ra's al Ghul, and how his child was the one to escape the prison. (In the comics, Bane was the first to escape, but we’ll see this tease isn't quite as it seems) eventually we cut to 27 days till detonation (over 4 months later! Gee where does the time go) where special agents from the Government try to find a way to stop Bane, when Gordon tells they need to see Lucius Fox, Lucius tells them that the bomb will go off, but Bane’s men then storm the place, killing the agents and capturing Lucius and Miranda.

 

I've not been to many underground holes, but I'm surprised they get this good reception

Bruce makes several attempts to escape, and the resulting whiplash from each failure should've killed him, but… By not taking a safety rope at all, Bruce eventually escapes (and by got that chanting gets annoying real fast)

Gordon tries to convince jackass 2 to join his efforts to find the bomb, but he refuses. Gordon warns him that the bomb goes off tomorrow (so we've had another time skip) but he’s ignored. Miranda offers to help the search, but they’re quickly captured. Selena Kyle helps a boy being threatened and is confronted by Bruce Wayne (some may his sudden and unexplained appearance in the city miraculous luck, some divine intervention, I call it plot convenience) he tells her to take her to Lucius Fox, which she does. Leaving Miranda behind Lucius and Bruce escape the holding facility with the help of Selena.

 

Hi! Yeah, I just teleported into the city. I can do that, I'm Batman

Gordon, Miranda and the policemen are sentenced to exile, but Bane orders Miranda to be taken to her, for undisclosed reasons (at this point) but as the others walk onto the ice (which is still there after 5 months, go figure) their sentencers are knocked out by drugged darts (those could've been very useful earlier) Batman tells them to light a flame which burns a giant Bat signal on the bridge. Now which angle should I attack this scene at, why would Batman risk the trigger man detonating the bomb by being seen on the bridge, how did he paint a giant bat-signal on the bridge without being seen, but the most important question is WHY IS HE WASTING TIME PAINTING A BAT-SIGNAL ON A BRIDGE?! He gives Gordon a device that could stop the trigger-man from detonating the bomb, and tells him to put in the bomb quickly.

As Blake attempts to rescue his fellow officers from the sewers Bane’s thugs catch him, thankfully Batman arrives, really rather quickly and assists in the rescue. Batman gives him a bomb-thing and tells him to count to 5, then throw. Within 4 seconds Blake throws the bomb and it detonates, allowing something for Batman’s huge plane to target (non-lethal weaponry capable of cutting through rocks, and this is Christopher Nolan’s ‘realistic’ Bat-universe) Batman tells Blake to try and get people across the bridge, and out of the city (despite the fact that the outcome of this is inherently obvious)

 

I'm suddenly a lot more popular with the police, do they know I took the blame for Dent's murders yet?

With an army of police-men ready to take back the city. Batman instructs Selena to blow the tunnel to allow people to leave (any why he didn't tell Blake to take people here is beyond me) she takes the bike, proclaiming that she’s going to leave after clearing the tunnel. The day of reckoning arrives, and the battle is joined, Batman injures Bane by dismantling his mask. But he reveals that isn't the child of Ra's al Ghul, that particular position was held by Miranda Tate, who stabs Batman in the stomach.

Apparently Miranda is Talia al Ghul, and Bane was her protector, she escaped from the prison and went to Ra’s, who sent in his armies and rescued Bane. But seeing only a monster in Bane’s existence, he excommunicated Bane from the League of Shadows for loving Talia. She apparently could not forgive Ra’s until his untimely death when Batman didn't save him (what was I saying earlier, about how that isn't Batman, this whole mess could've been avoided) she was mystery trigger-lady, she tries to detonate the bomb, but it doesn't work, Gordon had already attached the jammer.

 

OK, in this shot he is being stabbed in the stomach, so having his mouth open sort of makes sense, there's one coming though...

A lot of stuff begins to make sense about how Bane found the agents and the police at the right times, but did that plan come immediately from finding out about the reactor only a few days prior to things going down, was she planning to make a bomb? I can’t make sense of this plan, anyway, there’s only 11 minutes left before the bomb goes off, and she leaves Batman with bane and goes after the bomb (although perhaps it might've been wise to clear the blast radius) killing cops including Jackass 2 along the way (3 down, 1 more to go). Bane tries to kill Batman, but is instead killed by Selena using the guns on Batman’s motor-cycle (NO! NO! Selena even comments about how this goes against his ‘no guns’ style)

Batman heads into his plane and begins using the guns on his plane to try and divert the truck carrying the bomb to the reactor, so it can be disarmed, but Talia activates the emergency flood protocol, rendering it useless, and she dies from… something. Batman says he can get it out over Gotham bay in the remaining minute before it blows. But tragedy, then plane doesn't have auto-pilot. Meanwhile Blake’s attempts to get people over the bridge go about as well as you’d expect, the bridge is destroyed by Jackass 4, to everyone’s delight Batman is seen dragging the bomb pretty damn fast over the bay before it explodes.

 

I know you're about the save the city from the nuclear bomb, but could you close your f*cking mouth

At Bruce Wayne’s grave Commissioner Gordon (who only recently found out the truth) laments his actions, whilst Alfred concedes that his action didn't stop Bruce Wayne from dying (shocking I know) Blake tosses his detective badge away, disgusted that people won’t know who saved the city.

 

Batman gets a statue erected in his honour, pity the citizens will die before they can admire it

Bruce Wayne’s will is read, and it’s reasonably obvious. Alfred gets the mansion, stuff sold to pay off debts, some stuff sold for a children’s home. But would you believe the odds, the pearl Necklace Selena stole at beginning is missing. John Blake picks up some climbing equipment, revealing his real name is Robin, seriously. We get a scene with Lucius Fox, where it's revealed the auto-pilot was fixed 6 months ago (what is the time span at this point!) Anyway is he climbs into the TOP SECRET Bat-cave. We cut to Florence, where Alfred is sitting at a Café where he normally spends his summer, he turns around and, like a fantasy he had; sees Bruce Wayne and Selena Kyle, who have apparently vanished from existence using the clean slate. Never mind Gotham City will most likely from the radiation.

The end. So having analyses that plot in detail, do I know why I like this film? Nope not at all. As a comic-book adaptation it’s terrible, particularly looking at the villains. Bane may well be calculating (unlike one other movie I could mention) but he lacks the threatening presence, and his mask and voice are rather awkward. They also give a part of his origin story to Talia. Because Daughter of Ra's al Ghul isn't enough.

 

Alfred tears, because he knows his leaving the Wayne Manor did nothing

I’m not going to do deeply into how they pronounce the name Ra's al Ghul in this and Batman Begins, I admit, it somewhat irked me at first. But the argument that it’s the correct Arabic pronunciation is a strong one. I do argue though that things may have changed in the 600 years since he was born (although not in this version, which seems to laugh in the face of Lazarus pits) and that it’s he’s an American creation, and different cultures pronounce the same word differently

But I digress, a lot of Talia's comic-book personality is not present here. She’s as much a femme fetale for Batman as Catwoman is, and her resources and connections with Ra’s make her more dangerous for it. Selena Kyle is probably the best portrayed character in the movie, but she’s still a little off with trying to political in justifying her actions, and the fact that name Catwoman is never mentioned (although it’s still better than being breathed on by a CGI Cat).

 

Just to add insult to injury on their stance on Batman's no guns stance

As a film in itself it’s not great either, there are gaping plot-holes, such as what Talia's plan actually was before finding out about the reactor. The plan looked like it was months in planning. And the pacing is terrible. We spend nearly 2 hours in the first few days, then skip 5 months with another ½ hour. Also, there is a distinct lack of Batman in this movie. Having Bruce Wayne in the prison does justify this, but we all knew his escape was inevitable, so there’s little tension.

 

You will all kneel in fear of the mighty Bane, who has done nothing memorable in Gotham City, that anyone believes

The acting is mostly well done, if you can get past Christian Bale’s Batman voice, and the fact he his mouth is hanging open like Kristen Stewart in a couple of scenes near the climax (yes, I’m making a Twilight Joke, no, I don’t have an opinion about Twilight)

Music is good, the special effects are excellent. But unlike Now You See Me, this movie isn't fun, it takes a lot of dystopian fears and turns them into reality.

 

Just wait till the camera's not rolling

I'm not sure why I like this movie, I don't think I'll ever know, it's got many bad elements, from both a comic fan, and a traditional movie goer's perspective, but despite every flaw I can think of, I can't bring myself to hate the movie, and it definitely doesn't give me rage issues.

Rage Rating 0%

The Dark Knight Rises was produced by Warner Bros. and DC Comics, and they hold respective copyrights, images used here are under fair use.Also Star Wars is copyright LucasFilms

1 added criticism - I suppose those that actually have read the review really care to read it again, for my added point - so I'll just put it at the end instead

In a scene on the Police HQ rooftop, John Blake tells Commissioner Gordon that the congressman has gone missing. Commissioner laughs this off as unimportant, and Blake says and I quote 'next thing they'll be asking us to chase down overdue library books' A CONGRESSMAN IS MISSING!!!! That's hardly something I'd call unimportant and not a matter for the police. Perhaps they were implying that he'd run off with someone else, but it sort of sounded they were being dismissive about a missing person.

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