Guilty Pleasures #3: Ender's Game

A movie based on a book series I’ve never read, and making a mere $15 million profit at the box office (source: Wikipedia - and in case someone's about to skip to the comments, yes, I'm aware that this could be inaccurate). Distributed by Lionsgate and Summit Entertainment (much like Now You See Me.) A trailer I saw for the movie on the Now You See Me Blu-ray convinced me to take a look at this movie, and I like it a lot.

That’s not to say that it doesn't have its problems. Let’s play a drinking game, if a character acts like a complete asshole, take a shot. If you aren't in the hospital by the end of the movie, you've probably missed a few.

With that let’s get into this movie. We start a quote “When I understand my enemy well enough to defeat him, then in that moment I also love him.” A.E. Wiggin. You know a quote like that works better when it’s not a character in the film that’s attributed to saying it. And yes, A. E. Wiggin, better known as Ender is our protagonist in this story.

Next is a brief CGI history lesson, about an alien attack from a race called the Formics that killed millions, and was stopped by the sacrifice of a great Commander. The world has been preparing for another invasion since. For… reasons really it’s decided that children are much better at being soldiers than adults. (Whoever said that is an asshole, take a shot) and the children are being trained at ‘the Academy’ using war-games.

Cut to our protagonist playing a game with someone who we’ll soon be drinking to, Stilson. Stilson loses the game and then accuses Ender of cheating, take a shot. Ender leaves, Stilson asks for another game, but Ender refuses. This seems to impress Colonel Hyrum Graff and Major Gwen Anderson, as it’s a strategy to avoid conflict with an ego-driven opponent. Ender is then called to the medical office to have his monitor (a device on his neck that allows people to monitor thoughts, sight and sound, take a shot for whatever asshole invented that.) The Nurse says it isn’t going to hurt, and Ender screams in agony, take a shot. As Ender leaves Stilson and his crew shove him into a classroom, wanting a 1-on-1 combat, take another shot. Ender uses something in the classroom and knocks him down, and then proceeds to beat him to make him stay down, take another shot.

In the Wiggin household, Ender talks to his sister, Valentine, but is interrupted by his Brother, Peter, another guy we’ll soon be drinking to. They play a game ‘farmers and astronauts’ and Peter wins, nearly choking Ender to death, jealous that he wasn’t chosen, take a shot. Luckily we see a little compassion from his father. Then Graff and Anderson arrive at the house, enquiring about the earlier battle. He explains that the attack was to win future battles. Graff offers him a place on the programme, explaining that the final step is to see what happens when his monitor is removed. Ender’s mother exclaims

 ‘and he passed? He put a child in the hospital’ which is a fair point, but shouldn’t be the first words out of a mother’s mouth, take a shot. Ender accepts the offer, and explains in narration why his brother and sister did not.

Ender is placed on a rocket ship with several other recruits, he introduces himself to the guy to his left, who responds

“Ender, what kind of name is that,” take a shot, and then introduces himself as Bean (there is an expression about glass houses that fits here, can’t for the life of me remember what, but that might be down to the number of shots) the ship takes off. They soon feel the lack of gravity. Colonel Graff arrives, and ender tilts his head sideways. Considering that with no gravity, anyway up is the right way up. Colonel Graff says ‘there’s only one recruit with any brains at all so far, and that’s Ender Wiggin’ (this will be worth a shot later.)

We cut to battle school, where the new recruits exit the craft, and Ender asks Graff why he made everyone hate him.  Graff states some nonsense about wanting a Julius Caesar or a Napoleon, Ender points out both had their downfalls. With him gone, Graff states that his isolation can never be broken, and at this point, take a shot. He arrives at the dormitory, and finds his bed at the front, we then meet Sergeant James Dap, who makes a joke, then says he’s not joking (take a shot) then lays down the law for the recruits, and tells them to follow the yellow lights to class

“Yellow like your cowardly selves” take a shot.

Then we get another history lesson, which basically explains what we already knew from the introduction.

 

It wouldn't be a futuristic sci-fi film without magic holograms

Cut to next morning (that last scene was pointless wasn’t it?) where the recruits are instructed to put on their battle suits. They are told they are to enter a room with zero gravity. Ender is deliberately told to go first (take a shot) and we see the room, filled with platform things.  Ender grabs onto one of them and it doesn’t, which is weird considering there’s no gravity, therefore no weight. Everyone else goes in. Bean uses the logic Ender explained in the shuttle to stabilise himself, they then wonder what the gun does. Turns out it tightens fibres in the suit to immobilise them. After a few more seconds Graff calls them in tells Dap to explain the new game.

Points are awarded for shots to the body, but should one team member make it through the other team’s gate, the game ends (it’s Quidditch all over again.) Ender writes an email to his sister, saying that battle school is extremely difficult, we see him in combat training where he nearly chokes his classmate, take a shot, if it wasn’t for Dap’s intervention. He comments that he feels Peter in him whenever he fights. He comments that he doesn’t understand his enemy, then questions whether or not she’s actually getting his emails. And we end our first paragraph without taking a shot, don’t get used to there

Dap arrives with Graff, who explains there are promotions available. He says that everyone is his enemy, which is nonsense considering that war is won by squads, so take a shot. Under enquiry by Ender, Graff reveals that emails have indeed been blocked for reasons that are mostly a load of bullsh*t, so take another shot. Dap is not happy about this, and forces Ender to do press-ups, Dap says:
“I will never salute you” (those words won’t come back to bite him in the slightest, right? Also, take a shot) the other kids are somewhat impressed with Ender’s standing up to him.

In another class, the teacher enquires why most of the class don’t understand a ‘basic rocket science’ problem (take a shot for that, I know it works given what we know but, take one anyway) Alai, a character that was sick in the shuttle scene, explains the problem, as Bernard types in an insulting message about Alai on the computer (take a shot), Ender replies with an equally insulting comment about Bernard (take a shot) when the teacher investigates she comments

“If you can’t take it, Bernard, don’t dish it out” (take another shot) Ender finally has the respect of his fellow recruits, as many abandon Bernard to sit next to him at Lunch.

In the dorm, Ender plays a mind-game. A troll offers a mouse a choice of two cups, claiming on is poison and one isn’t. But it turns out the troll is lying, and they both are. (Take a shot) On his third try rather than then jumping into the cup he jumps into the troll’s eye and kills him. That is psychotic, but it impresses Graff enough to promote him. Anderson looks worried.

We’re soon introduced to the Salamander army, and their Commander Bonzo. We’re introduced to Petra, the badass lady of the series. Bonzo makes some insulting remarks about Ender, so take another shot. Bonzo explains that his army is undefeated, and tells Ender to do nothing in the next games. Petra offers to show him some moves during free time. And she does, and he takes to it quite well (she’s one of the few characters we won’t be drinking to in this session) at the bedrooms Bonzo is showing off that he’s quicker at assembling a gun than any of them (clearly lacking in other departments) Ender and Petra return, and Bonzo isn't happy. Bonzo says he doesn't practice at all, especially with Petra (take a shot) Ender asks to speak with him privately where he basically threatens to get him fired/demoted if he continues (good lad, but still take a shot)

Next morning, Bonzo claims that he changed his mind, and allows Ender to enter the game, but last and only to watch. Being one man short hurts their strategy, and Petra is hit, Ender jumps in to rescue her, Ender comes up with a bright idea, he grabs a second gun and begins firing in all directions before he’s eventually hit, a lot, but in doing so he wins the game (I’m guessing only the first hit counts) Good god, we've gone another whole paragraph without taking a shot

 

This game looks awesome, but it still doesn't explain how those pyramids don't move even though there's no gravity

The captain of the lizard army congratulates Bonzo on good planning. Ender and Petra do a combat exercise, Bonzo interrupts, and when Ender brings up their agreement Bonzo punches him in the stomach (take a shot) In the middle of the night, Ender plays the mind game again. This time he spots a Formic, who sort of turns into his sister. The land is being attacked by a missile barrage or something. It destroys a castle as the mouse hides behind a rock. The mouse investigates the castle, and sees Valentine entering the ruins. The mouse then turns into a CGI Ender, there’s some weird sphere thing in the middle, and a red carpet that turns into a snake. Ender attacks and kills the snake, then his brother appears and congratulates him.

Graff wonders why this happened, Anderson’s comments that he must be stressed. Graff orders the game to be deleted (take a shot), then notes that a fleet is due to arrive within 28 days. Ender is called to him, and comments about his performances. Graff gives Ender command of his own army, the dragon army, of randomly assigned people. Dap shows him to his new quarters and salutes him (so that was irony earlier, also was this character putting on an act before, if so take a shot.) Ender greets his new army. Including Bean, Alai and surprisingly Bernard. He begins their training immediately. And we have no idea how he does, but apparently he’s pushing them hard.

Graff orders the next game be pushed to 03:00 (Take a shot) and will  be against 2 armies, salamander and leopard (take a shot) one of the team twists his ankle and is out, they arrive at the gate and spot that the pyramids are arranged in a formation to blind them (take a shot). Petra arrives as the replacement for the guy who twisted his ankle

 

Welcome to the dragon army, you've been chosen specifically because most of you behave like rational human beings

Ender sends out Petra and Dig to flush out the guys surrounding their gate ready to ambush them (who could’ve just gone through the gate before they arrived?) the plan is successful and the guys are taken out, 12 down, 20 to go. Bean has a rope attached to him (where did they get that from and is used to observe the battlefield, when he’s hit he’s drawn back, and Ender gives instructions for a formation. The group clump together, using projections of the rest of the group to push them forward, whilst a few protect Alai, allowing him to pass through the enemy gate unharmed. Against the odds, the dragon army have won.

Bonzo is not happy and in the most asshole of asshole moves yet, he confronts Ender in the shower (take a shot). Ender tries to fight Bonzo off and in the process Bonzo slips on the water and bangs his head on the metal step for the shower, which apparently kills him or something. (Almost as bad as Dick Grayson’s death in the Injustice: Gods Among Us comic)

Ender is clearly remorseful, and Anderson apologises, stating that their treatment of him lead to this. Graff wants a moment alone with Ender. Graff claims that the fleet owns him (take a shot) but Ender threatens to resign unless he sees his sister. Anderson clearly resigns off screen, but Graff wants her to persuade Ender to say. Anderson comments that Graff doesn’t see them as children, only as soldiers. She asks

“When this is over, what will be left of the boy?” to which Graff replies

“What does it matter if there’s nothing left at all” with that trailer quote out the way, take a shot.  Anderson leaves, conceding that he hasn’t listened to anything she said.

We cut to Earth, where Valentine is greeted by Graff, he won’t let Ender’s mother see Ender (take a shot) but insists that Valentine does. Valentine greets Ender and they discuss the previous events. Ender mentions the quote he’s credited as saying (which he clearly said before as Valentine finished it) Valentine comments that it isn’t just Bonzo stopping him from going back, but that he’s scared of losing. And that’s basically enough to send him back (wow, 3 female characters we don’t drink to)

Graff and Ender take off, now heading for the fleet. Their shuttle docks with the command base, if he succeeds, he will command the entire battle fleet. It’s a planet that the Formics had been colonising, before the humans kicked them out (if it weren't a sort of stop off base for the attack on Earth, you’d be taking a shot) Dap (who is suddenly here for some reason) shows Ender to his quarters. Ender looks out the window and sees castle ruins similar to the ones in his mind-game. (2 paragraphs in a row without a drink, wow)

An unknown man appears in his quarters, Ender thinks he’s the teacher, the guy claims to be his enemy, and then immediately starts teaching him (take a shot) his name is Mazer Rackham, the hero that supposedly sacrificed himself in the first invasion. He asks why the videos cut out, Mazer shows him the full clip, where he ejects just before the ship hits the Formic mothership (the queen) and just like in Avengers when the ship was hit everything else just stops. But at least they have a better explanation here, the Formics are essentially a hive mind, and without the queen they aren't able to think for themselves. It is mentioned they never found the Queen on this planet, and that the Formics came here for the water. (I honestly can’t see all that much of it, but…)

We’re reintroduced to the Dragon army, who are now all on the planet for some reason. Ender is brought up to speed. The aliens are amassing their forces, but have not yet attacked. This leaves Ender puzzled. Mazer says they must be stopped before they pose a threat, Graff comments that their existence is a threat (take a shot) Mazer explains that they will play simulations, Ender will give commands to his team, who will then command their drone squadrons. Petra has command of a ship carrying an MD 500, a weapon of mass devastation and science mumbo jumbo.

The first simulation is a success, Ender’s tactics work, and the Formic queen ship is destroyed. In another email, they say that the simulations keep getting harder, and in the next simulation we see, they fail. Mazer and Graff instructs him to delegate more. When Ender brings up sleep deprivation, Mazer states that that was part of the training (take a shot). Despite this loss, they say 1 more simulation, then war.

Wow, I'm sure glad that none of the hundreds of lives that would've been lost there weren't real, or were they?

Ender wonders whether they can communicate with the aliens, perhaps through telepathic link. So the day of the final simulation arrives, and a whole legion of captains are here to observe (we’ll be drinking to all of them later.) They are faced with a massive Formic force, who weirdly hold off their attack as Ender observes. They engage the enemy, and the enemies start to swarm, making them a perfect target for the MD 500, the queen is destroyed, but the battle is not over, clearly more Queens exist. The MD 500 needs time to recharge.

They use the same strategy as they did in the game, they used drones to protect the MD 500, with her target the planet. They lose carries, the fighters try to clear a path for Petra so she has a clear line of sight to the planet. Eventually the weapon recharges and they blast the planet, this conveniently has enough spread to cover the planet and wipe out the queens, basically rendering the Formics extinct. The commanders all whisper, and show feed that displays that the final simulation was real. This brings up a bundle of questions. How can they see what’s going on? How are they controlling the ships, why weren't the Formics attacking the cameras? Were the other simulations real as well? Why weren't the people on the carriers doing anything to protect themselves? Also, we need to take a drink to the captains, I count 12 of them so 12 shots. Back on form movie

Ender goes back to feeling remorse; that he will not remembered as a hero, only as a killer who sacrificed thousands on the transported he abandoned in order to commit genocide. Oh, he also points out that the Formics never returned, that the fleet could possibly just have been preparing to defend themselves, you can take your penultimate shot here, as Graff continues to be a complete asshole, before someone knocks him out for no real reason (take 1 final shot). Petra asks to stay with him so he’s not alone. In his dreams, he sees his mind game again.

He quickly rushes out onto the planet surface, into the castle remains from the mind game. The Formics accessed his mind through the game to draw him here. To where the one final Formic queen is, he enters the castle ruins and to the weird sphere from the game, this time though, he can walk through it and finds the last Formic Queen, dying. She reveals that she has one unborn egg, the last hope for her species now. Ender promises to find it a new home, and leaves with it. He has been promoted to Admiral and left to his own devices. In one final email to Valentine, he says he must make amends to his mistakes.

This movie is odd, it’s trying to make a legitimate point: is it right to kick a man when he’s down? But it answers it with a far too resounding no. With everyone involved in the yes camp being assholes or resigning before the plot concludes. This leaves you with little empathy for them and makes the conclusion of this a little predictable

I do find it odd that Ender is the first person in 50 years to ask why the Formics never returned, yes a lot of people remember the devastation they caused but surely there’s someone important that could've asked that question. Someone?

The story works well for the most part, you do sympathise with Ender during his emotional beats and you can see that he’s a tactical genius (credit for Asa Butterfield for portraying that really well). One of my issues is the quote at the beginning, it was really unnecessary, and kind of sets him up as one of history’s all-time great people, something this movie has not yet shown. Perhaps in sequels we could've seen him becoming such, but given the movie’s box-office performance figures a sequel seems relatively unlikely.

Also, I've, having sobered up again, counted 50 shots in this drinking game, pretty sure by the time you've finished this movie you won't remember it, which is a pity. It's a decent movie, it looks great, it’s well acted (albeit with a lot of minor roles barely present); it just needed a few minor tweaks in the story to account for plot-holes and to make the message a little more balanced (to provoke thought, you need to have a decent account of both sides) and perhaps make characters with more redeeming qualities (at least 3 characters have asshole as their prominent characteristic, 2 more are questionable)

This may well be down to the books this movie is based on. I am firmly of the belief that you should not need to have read the book in order to enjoy a film based on it. But it's possible the book fills in gaps the movie does not (obviously a movie is limited by budget and running time, whist a book does not have such restrictions)

Rage rating: -50%

For more reviews click here

Images used in this review are from Ender's game (movie and novel) and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use.