#61 - Secret Empire (part 2)

OK, let’s continue our look at Secret Empire. If you want to know what happened so far, go back and read my last review you lazy f*ckers!

Too far? That’s what this comic makes me.

Back in the dreamscape, Cap is confronted by 3 villains, he attacks and he gets in the form of I think it’s supposed to be Bucky (although it could also be Rick) and Sam. Together they take them out. Cap asks who they are, they’re travellers, trying to make sense of this, but say they need to watch each other’s backs. Cap feels like there’s something to do so they head off together. So, this scene accomplished nothing, moving on.

We cut to Baltimore, where the Punisher is confronted by Kraken, Punisher won’t answer to him, but sees a hologram of Cap, Punisher says he has some leads in locating his target, Cap reminds him that time is of the essence, they cannot underestimate Black Widow. Yeah, this scene accomplished nothing, moving on.

In a hotel, Black Widow is using a knife to interrogate a young Hydra Agent. Our Hero. The champions and friends stop her, telling her this guy doesn’t know anything. Black Widow had already deduced he was working for the mess hall that’s catering the rebuilding ceremony at the Capitol building, so he might have logistical information. Riri has an app to wipe his memory, apparently, kay, she cuts him loose for no adequately explained reason and tries to use it but ultimately the agent attacks and is shot by Black Widow. Now they have to change motels. So, this scene, it accomplished nothing.

So after a full 7 pages of nothing, let’s get to the actual plot of the episode. Ultron has established his own territory in Alaska, few know it exists, he’s just building cities full of Ultron robots, there’s a truce between HYDRA and Ultron which is about to be tested as Ultron holds a cosmic cube fragment.

Both Cap and Iron Man’s forces are planning a stealth infiltration to try and get the cosmic cube. Rather daft really when I imagine a full city of Ultron robots could easily detect you even if you’re going in stealthily. We’re reminded that Ultron is kinda sorta also Hank Pym. Unsurprisingly, Ultron detects them upon arrival, Ultron says he can save the Avengers.

Bobbi Morse, Holo-Iron man, Hercules, Quicksilver and Ant-man handle the infiltration. Sam’s staying behind because he’s not signing up for another Ultron fight for some reason. Unfortunately, Ant-man runs into Black Ant and they get into a fight. Sam is quickly taken down by the vision as Bobbi faces Taskmaster, Quicksilver faces her sister and Hercules faces Odinson. I may remind you that his motivations for being on Cap’s side make no sense if you’ve read Jason Aaron’s run on Thor. He’s not all that interested in getting his hammer back

Soon Holo-Iron Man finds himself face to face with Cap, and it’s the first time these two have fought where Iron Man is 100% in the right, they’re both looking forward to the battle but Ultron puts an end to it.

The members of the Avengers wake up in a replica of Avengers mansion, all restrained but sitting at a dinner table. Ultron is the host and is wearing an apron saying ‘kiss the overlord’ because goofy. Ultron probes Tony, wondering why he’s wearing old armour. Cap says he’s heard that his hologram tech isn’t compatible with the newer models, something which Tony Stark being the man that he is would immediately try and correct the moment he found that out.

The bickering begins with pretty much everyone saying their piece until Ultron puts a stop to it. This been happening a lot, it seems like they always seem to fight to resolve their differences, something any Marvel fan can attest to. Why didn’t Ultron attack, he saw what was happening and he felt he didn’t need to attack, everyone would tear each other down and burn the world, he didn’t need to act, just wait.

Cap says he wants to make the world better, Ultron counters with the multiple other times they’ve tried this. The Super Hero Registration Act, the House of M crossover. Both ended up ultimately making things worse. He brought them here to try and reconnect them with what they lost but Cap and Bobbi both point out they want the cube fragment. Cap tries to reason with Sam but Sam blows him off big time.

Ultron’s had enough, they weren’t listening to what he said. He always tries to help but no-one would listen. Holo-Stark laughs, that’s the most Hank Pym line he’s ever heard and we get to Hank’s complicated history. The downfall of Hank Pym was actually done by accident, there was a miscommunication between writer and artist, Jim Shooter the writer of the comic intended him to raise his hands up in the air and hit Jan BY ACCIDENT, but the artist Bob Hall, interpreted it to mean a full punch in the face, and they didn’t have time to get the scene redrawn before the issue was due out.

This moment essentially made this character unusable, despite multiple attempts to redeem him, he’s always known for that moment and some writers chose to make him the villain because of this. Tony remarks how that moment is basically what broke the Avengers apart. Hank has had enough, grows to giant size and attacks Iron Man. Scott Lang talks him down, it makes sense because often his criminal past bites him again and again and again, he’s been there.

He brings the battle to an end and as his soldiers dish out deserts, Scott gets the cosmic cube fragment. Team Iron Man leave, with Ultron Telling Iron Man that facing his demons may have a cleansing effect on him. Cap asks Ultron about their deal, Ultron still won’t invade his country but the cosmic cube is its own issue. If what Ultron said was true, wouldn’t giving the cosmic cube fragment to Tony help balance the scales?

6 hours later, team Iron Man are feeling triumphant until a news broadcast reveals that after the attack on Atlantis in the last issue, Namor is surrendering his comic cube fragment over to Cap. Pussy. Zemo tries to commiserate Cap’s losing the fragment but Cap isn’t bothered, after all, he has someone on the inside.

It’s the strongest issue so far but suffers from the same substantial pacing issues and the Black Widow subplot continues to be complete nonsense. Also, if you don’t have a clue what’s going on with the Hank Pym/Ultron stuff, it’s not explained to you that well.

#5 opens with more of the excitement of the Black Widow Subplot. Viper is paying off some rich people, in exchange for loyalty to her, when she receives word that they’ve captured Black Widow. She was breaking in to steal a transport ship. Meanwhile, the Champions are conducting a rescue mission.

Viper interrogates Black Widow but she’s more than willing to talk, she plans to kill Captain America. She tells Viper that she knows Viper is running a narcotics operation under Cap’s nose, and tells her that Cap will find out if anything happens to her. Alternatively she could aid the mission and not only be spared Cap’s wrath but ultimately lead HYDRA once this is over. Viper agrees to these terms, killing her two bodyguards.

The Champions Reach their objective, it’s an old man in a hospital bed, Black Widow asks for that transport ship. We get a scene in the dreamscape of Sam, Bucky and Cap bonding and by the way, once again the artwork is sh*t outside of these dreamscape sequences.

Scott is texting his daughter, basically updating her on the plot. They’ve not had much luck locating other cube fragments, they may have located one in the Savage Lands but Black Panther is holding onto his fragment, not trusting Tony to use it properly and unafraid of the HYDRA forces attacking Wakanda for it. Panther makes a counter-offer. If they collect the rest of the fragments, they can complete it here.

There’s one in a safe but it’s already gone. The crew are attacked by people wearing the masks of Starro the conqueror. Apparently, it’s HIVE and Gorgon. Iron Man takes down Hive but the Gorgon still stands. Hercules takes him on and ultimately wins but is badly injured in the process. They came to rescue Shang Chi, who did have a cosmic cube fragment but doesn’t anymore, it was stolen by the White Queen, as we see in flashback, Shang Chi can’t remember.

The group aren’t happy with being sent on this many fool’s errands, they don’t trust Tony’s equipment anymore. And with Hercules needing medical attention, even Scott Lang is advising they fall back and regroup. Tony isn’t happy about it, he doesn’t want to give up at Cap. Shang Shi asks for a ride.

We cut to Washington DC, where Cap is meeting with Beast, he’s left Thor’s hammer just lying on the ground. Anyone wishing to use it is welcome to try. Beast is happy that mutants now have a home in New Tian where they can rule themselves and despite the odd dispute, things are going alright, but that’s not Cap’s issue, Beast has something that belongs to him, or rather New Tian does. Cap tells him the hammer isn’t there to be wielded, but to remind those that Cap can, and it could rain hell down on New Tian. Cap’s chopper arrives to pick him up.

He asks for an update on his Avengers, Chthon remains in control of the Scarlet Witch but can only access some of her power, and she’s been known to kill members of her personal staff. The AI virus controlling vision is largely working, but there are some glitches where Vision tries to reach out to Viv. As for Odinson, he’s another problem entirely. He’s praying to his father for guidance… which makes me think he had no idea what’s happening in Thor, because he would not be praying to his father, the colossal douchebag that he is.

Iron Man’s team head back and reunite with others from the group. I can barely tell who anyone is with this artwork. Hawkeye’s not happy, this was the last hope for a lot of people, and it’s just been extinguished. Iron Man checks in with Giant Man and Raz, they’ve created a time bubble thing, it’s capable of waiting 100 years then sending a message back before everything goes south. Tony remarks that this is beyond Giant Man, Giant Man agrees, he created an AI to do it for him, because of course he did.

Giant Man asks if he told them the truth, he’d never build a cube detector, he was just using HYDRA intel. He tried to give them hope by saying he’d made a detector. Raz asks why HYDRA weren’t already acting and this makes Tony realise it was all a trap. He shouts at them to turn on the shields as 3 HYDRA warships bear down upon them, and I gotta admit, as much as I hate the artwork in this issue, the shot of the warships coming towards them is suitably creepy.

HYDRA opens fire but Cap is told it won’t be enough, it doesn’t matter, they have a secret weapon.

In the dreamscape, Sam sets off a trap and is swung up in a net, Bucky is knocked out with a dart and Cap is hit over the head with a bat, carried by the Red Skull. Back in the real world, Cap meets with his secret weapon: Bruce Banner.

#5 suffers because of the artwork, it’s not suited to an event title like this, but also nothing of consequence happens for the entire issue, and this is the half way point of the event!

#6 opens in the dreamscape with Steve and someone remarking about a goddess by the lake. They’re both strung up by their feet. Red Skull cuts him down and drags him away screaming, warning Steve that he’ll be next. Back in New York, Dagger is still trying to keep the darkness from engulfing the city. Claire Temple injects her with something to help the pain but if she keeps this up, it’s going to kill her

Doctor Strange searches for answers in a Library managed by a squid monster thing, with spectacles because why not. Daredevil busts up one of the Kingpin’s operations. And it’s revealed all he busted up was some supplies. Kingpin reveals his plan. He’s asked everyone he’s helping to remember who helped them through when all seemed loss. He believes that natural order will be restored eventually, and they’ll look to him

Back in the dreamscape, Red Skull is eating a steak, he knows about Steve but Steve doesn’t remember him. Red Skull introduces himself as the guy that put Steve here, in hell. They’re just ghosts now, remnants of the war between them and only torment remains, there’s only one escape, death, Red Skull begins beating him with the club.

We cut to Maryland and for goodness sake, you ended on a half-decent cliffhanger, we’re 9 pages in and we still have no resolution. Nadia is done, they wanted to support Spider-man’s attempt to talk Black Widow out of killing Cap (which they were going to do how, exactly?) but now they’re being made into killers. Worse they’re making friends with HYDRA. She’s escaped the Red Room once, and she’s not letting it happen again, to her or her friends. And running away would solve everything?

Spider-man wants to talk to Black Widow, admitting things have gotten out of hand. And I won’t lie, I really, really hate the next bit and I can’t imagine what’s it’s like if you’re a big Marvel comics fan, fan. Black Widow calls her training necessary, and that it lead to the last mission going fine, with no Teen superhero hijinks. Well done, you’ve just insulted the fans of every character in the room. I know between them it isn’t many (except perhaps for Spider-man) but don’t worry, they’re not done yet.

So, she refuses to tell Spider-man, and thus the audience, who the guy in the coma is because… And we get to the meet of this issue. Black Widow tells Spider-man the world is as it is because the old generation were week petty and selfish, and she can teach them how to survive the new world. Well done, you’ve just insulted pretty much all Marvel fans with that! F*ck you!

Spider-man says it might be worth holding up hope, maybe team Iron Man have found the other fragments, and will be fixing him any day now, they might looks stupid, but they must be rooting for them. This scene would be engaging if it weren’t for the fact we already know Team Iron Man have failed.

12 pages in and we’re finally getting somewhere by returning to the attack on the Mount. And Steve giving a speech about how the Avengers built their world on the back of betrayals, lies and cataclysms, and that nothing good could ever come from it. Also, we seem to have an odd case of Youngblood’s disease here, as several characters have their eyes blacked out in some panels.

Thor brings down the thunder on the base, he’s decided to join because… Iron Man claims he has defences that keep Thor, the Vision and the Scarlet Witch from getting (of course he does) but the problem now lies inside, one of the group is HYDRA. They were used, they were allowed to gather what fragments they could, and now they’re coming to collect because they were told to by said traitor.

Mockingbird implicates Quicksilver, since he keeps disappearing during fights, he’s only interesting in looking for his sister but Mockingbird replies this gives him motivation to sell them out. Cap concludes his speech to Bruce Banner, who’s more confused about Cap being HYDRA. Mockingbird and Quicksilver come to blows when it’s pointed out Mockingbird’s been making secret telephone calls. She quickly confesses that she’s been talking to Maria hill, who’s been planning ops up and down the country and she tried to get her to hold off and buy them time.

Giant Man reveals the truth that we got in the last issue and things come to blows for exactly 2 panels before Ant-man reveals the truth, he was the mole. Cap makes yet another pretentious speech to Bruce but Bruce refuses to help. He’s still an Avenger and wants nothing to do with HYDRA. Cap understands, saying there’s no hard feelings but then… he wasn’t talking to Bruce and his eyes turn a scary shade of green.

Ant-man tells him that Sam did a lousy job at hiding his daughter since she was found and they were going to kill her, that’s why he felt he had to sell them out. He regrets it, but they soon have a bigger problem, the Hulk bursts through their defences, that I remind you were able to hold off Thor, Vision and the Scarlet witch, who are all heavy hitters.

HYDRA storms through the base, Hawkeye ready to accept his punishment for killing him the first time, but the Thing, being the bad-ass that he is tackles the Hulk and they begin to brawl. Mockingbird heads to Hawkeye, he feels he deserves this, but Mockingbird asks about all the others in the bunker, and Hawkeye guides them to an exit away from the battle.

Giant Man recalls once being brainwashed by Egghead, and forced to activate some AI avengers. He may have been an ass, but the android avengers might be a good idea, he pulls back a sheet to reveal them, very much updated versions of the Avengers. They charge out to aid the fight and protect people. They get out the back, where jets are waiting but so is Thor. Thor allows them to escape and soon everyone but Tony is on the jets.

Cap finds Tony and attaches a device that makes him vulnerable. They fight as the Hulk defeats the AI Avengers then pounds the floor for no reason whatsoever and brings them down. Tony’s on the ground, with Cap about to finish him off. Tony holds him off by apologising, they’ve gone down a bad road, making the same mistakes over and over again, he’s sorry for letting him down. Madame HYDRA detects some unusual energy signature and uses a spell to get Cap out before the whole base explodes for inadequately explained reasons.

Black Widow hears the news and is clearly upset. She wakes up the others, telling them that their friends are all dead and tomorrow the deed must be done. I guess expecting more than this is becoming false hope at this point. At least the artwork is better, if far from perfect, but don’t worry, the artwork is back to being sh*t again in the next issue.

So, I know you were so invested in the Black Widow subplot. What do you mean no? #7 is where that gets paid off. We open back at Alpha flight where the situation is pretty bleak. They know the location of the Chitauri Queen eggs on Earth but with the shields down and limited communication, they can’t act on that information. The only good thing is that America can do inter-dimensional supply runs.

She’s hoping to convince others to move to another reality with her but Captain Marvel refuses, if the shield goes down, they’re all the Earth has, she will not abandon ship. She heads to a room with a lazy white background. Carol hoped Avril could get them out of this, but admits things are her fault. Her stand in Civil War II divided everyone, giving Cap an opportunity to take over. Beyond that, Cap tricked her to building the shield in the first place. She wants Quasar to wake up, she needs her too.

In the Dreamscape, Red Skull continues to bash Steve with his club, which is now also on fire because… There was a reason to have this is a page in this comic… Cap flashes to being teleported away from the battle in the last issue. A private tells him it’s time, the rebuilding ceremony at the Capitol. The perfect time for Black Widow to strike and I swear we must have artist flips between pages because the next 2 pages have half-decent art

Spider-man and Black Widow are in a van, preparing for the assassination. Spider-man knew this was coming but Black Widow is insisting she’ll handle it. Spider-man’s seen the future, he knows he’s the one to do it, but he’s not happy about it and when everyone sees the future, everyone looks at him like he’s already a killer, which Black Widow relates to. He tells Spider-man to get scope but ultimately traps him in the back of a car. She’ll do the job and she doesn’t see him as a killer. Which makes me wonder what the point of ANY of the previous scenes were.

The other members of Widow’s group are tasked with rescuing 4 members of congress who are about to be forced to pledge their loyalty to HYDRA. Flashing back (into decent artwork) we see the old man was designed as a prison for Mosaic, an inhuman with the ability to possess multiple people. Black Widow wakes him up and he take possession on HYDRA’s army, turning them against each other. Viper has called the other guards to the attack, clearing a window, but Black Window has another problem, the Punisher

Black Widow evades his attacks, he tells her he’s not enjoying this but he has his orders, wondering what Cap promised him, the Punisher explains he’ll get an army to wage his war, and maybe even win it. Coming from the guy who put TASKMASTER on the Avengers Squad, you’re smarter than this, Castle. Miles somehow uses his venom blasts to start a fire, pretty sure that’s not how his venom blasts work but… The door is still password protected by Spider-man knows he’ll eventually guess the right answer, because he knows he’ll be at the scene. He’s right and swings away.

The fight between Black Widow and Punisher is nigh incomprehensible because of deciding to do it with 20 panels per page, some of which are completely blank so pointless. Black Widow ultimately stabs the Punisher with 2 blades through the legs. He also reveals Cap was gonna use the cube to bring back his family. Black Widow dismisses this, but then finds Spider-man in front of Cap, right on time.

Black Widow storms through the HYDRA troopers, Miles is knocked back but Black Widow gets a shield to the neck and is killed. Lovely, Miles reacts harshly and is about to do the deed and is about to drop Cap on the spike that kills him when he’s stopped by Nadia, who gives him a speech about not becoming a killer. So Miles doesn’t kill him. So by actively getting involved in the situation because of believing the vision from future guy, Spider-man has actively made things worse. Take that predictive justice?

The champions are arrested by HYDRA’s forces as they drag Cap back into the Capitol Building. He talks to Sharon. He knows what he wanted to do, but things are spiralling out of control and he’s never felt so alone, he needs her. Sharon has a wooden stake somehow and tries to stab Cap with it, she fails and Cap orders his guards to take her to a cell, he needs to address the nation.

In the dreamscape, Steve sees a glowing woman hiding behind a tree, this gives him the strength to fight back, eventually disarming the Red Skull and taking him off a cliff into the water. The reverberations of Nat’s death are felt, Hawkeye takes it hard but even some of the others, like Mockingbird are visibly upset. Hope is not lost though, one hero has returned, it’s completely out of nowhere and needed more buildup in the issue but Sam has returned as Captain America, despite the fact he will not be after this event anyway.

I get some of what they were going for here, but it’s again the pacing being too slow and the fact that Black Widow is killed so unceremoniously, didn’t even get to fight Cap, disappointing.

I think I need a nap, we’ll be back for another round of this soon.