Guilty Pleasures #5 - Star Wars Month - Star War Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars Episode III, in my opinion by far the best of the prequels and the only one that isn’t downright terrible. That’s not to say that it’s good, but we’ll get into that momentarily. Let’s dig into Star Wars Episode III, and see what there is to say.

Have I not been using this lately? If you click on the link, there will be spoilers

So we begin with our opening title crawl, explaining that Chancellor Palpetine had been kidnapped by Count Dooku and the droid leader General Grievous, with Jedi knights following to rescue him. We truly open on a CGI shot of a spaceship, two fighters fly over it and descend into the massive space battle below. Anakin and R2 pilot one ship, with Obi-Wan and R4 piloting the others. There’s a lot going on in this dogfight with some of the best CGI that the prequels have, it’s still overused but, you can’t really have a real-life dog-fight with space-ships

Oh, and Anakin has grown a lot of hair since we last saw him. Buzz droids destroy R4 but Anakin rescues Obi-Wan before his ship was destroyed. R2, has more luck with the buzz-droids than R4 did, they fly into the rapidly closing shields of the droid command ship and immediately have to take on a platoon of droids. Once dispatched R2 finds Chancellor Palpetine on the droid deck. We also see general Grievous on the bridge, coughing considerably, for reasons that aren’t explained in any material I’ve seen, and is seriously downplayed in the Clone Wars series.

The Jedi enter the elevator, but it stops and Obi-Wan contacts R2 for help, but R2 is delayed by droids, who discover him after he sends the elevator upwards. R2 uses an oil spray and his jets to destroy the droids. (Amazing how useful that could’ve been in episodes VI-VI) the Jedi finally reach Chancellor Palpetine and Count Dooku. They take him on together, but Dooku handles his own, despite a threat from Anakin, he sends Obi-Wan back and drops a platform onto him. Anakin then takes him on alone and chops of both his hands, before cutting off his head (and you can see immediately why this isn’t a PG movie any-more)

 

Usually lightsaber duels are saved till the end of an episode, this one occurs just past the 10 minute mark, see why I like this episode?

Palpetine congratulates him but Anakin feels confused as this is not the jedi way, Palpetine reminds him about how he did the same thing to the sand-people that killed his mother (except that was mostly off-screen) he encourages Anakin to leave Obi-Wan, but Anakin refuses. The ship is mercilessly attacked by a clone ship (who surely would’ve been told to leave it alone since the chancellor was on board) the ship is turned sideways allowing Palpetine and Anakin to run down the elevator shaft. As the ship levels out R2 activates the elevator, making a bad situation for Anakin worse they save themselves by throwing a grappling hook around a beam, and swinging into a floor

They get caught in a ray shield that they had no chance of avoiding since it was activated from the bridge, and Obi-Wan proclaims “how did this happen? We’re smarter than this” so, the dialogue’s still sh*t. R2 comes along but they are soon surrounded by droids and rather than… you know, killed, they’re taken to the bridge where Anakin and General Grievous meet face to face for the first time. (And looking through the Clone Wars series, they were careful to keep that in continuity)

Grievous confiscates their lightsabers, R2 goes berserk and attacks the droids, whilst Obi-wan retrieves his lightsaber so they can free himself and Anakin, who goes on to retrieve his lightsaber. Grievous sends droids to distract them, but they’re easily dispatched. Grievous smashes the window, creating a vacuum which he’s pushed out of, and grapples himself into an escape pod as the ship proceeds to explode. Obi-Wan and Anakin dispatch the remaining droids as the escape pods jettison. They’re left on the ship, about to crash into the planet, Anakin does what he can to slow it down, but it eventually crashes, rather conveniently onto a runway.

Would you believe this, that is an action scene that’s over 20 minutes long, and it’s not boring! Anyway, we return to the senate where Obi-Wan departs, calling Anakin the hero, and Anakin creeps off to talk to Padme. (Oh and R2 and C3PO are actually funny this time) and we get the usual Lucas romantic bullsh*t dialogue. Padme reveals that she is pregnant, and honestly the look that Anakin gives is absolutely perfect: a rush of fear and happiness at the same time. Hayden Christiansen is a much better actor when he isn’t opening his mouth (although it’s as much the dialogue he’s spewing as the way he says it)

1 wipe later, we see general Grievous land on planet quarry where he greets his master. Darth Siddeous requests that the separatist leaders be moved to Mustafar. He also says the end of the war is near, despite the defeat of Count Dooku. Some CGI later we get more of Lucas' sh*tty dialogue

 

Another CGI establishing shot, because there weren't enough of those in the last two movies

“You’re so beautiful”
“It’s only because I’m so in love”
“No it’s because I’m so in love with you.”

??????? What person would ever say that someone’s beautiful because they’re so in love with that person? What does that actually mean? Does it mean she’s ugly to someone not in love with her?

Her response;
“So love has blinded you?” Does she think he means she’s ugly to someone not in love with her? I’m not sure if that’s even more disturbing

Anakin gets a bad dream of Padme dying in childbirth. Padme tries to reassure him and Anakin promises not to let it happen (because he’s never heard of the term self-fulfilling prophecy) he tries to talk to Yoda after another wipe, who tells him to learn to let go, as fear of death is a path to the dark side. Anakin of course completely ignores this advice. He visits Obi-Wan, who’s worried about more emergency powers being granted to the chancellor. The chancellor has requested Anakin’s presence, and after another wipe, we get there.

Chancellor Palpetine gives Anakin the position as his personal representative on the Jedi council. The council, whilst not happy about it agrees, but does not grant Anakin the rank of master. Anakin reacts like this

Yoda suggests that Grievous is hiding in the outer rim, and advises a search there, whilst Mace Windu brings up the attack on the wookies (oh goody…) Yoda says he will see to the wookie problem personally.

 

I'm sensing an extreme lack of female Jedi on this council, or really in the Jedi order in general

Obi-Wan says that Anakin is under instruction to spy on Palpetine, Anakin does not take this news well. Mace Windu expresses his distrust in Anakin, and Yoda suggests the prophecy might’ve been misread (yeah bring this up now, it’s been 16 years!!!) Anyway, we wipe to another scene with Padme and Anakin, Padme wants Anakin to use his position to ask Palpetine to stop the fighting, Anakin rebuffs the suggestion, saying it should be made in the senate.

Wipe number 18 billion and 3 leads us to a theatre, where the chancellor is watching a show. It’s actually one of the more interesting scenes, where we get dig deeper into star wars mythology. Oh and he reveals where Grievous is. (Clone intelligence) Palpetine suggests that he believes that the jedi want control of the republic, and that Anakin may soon be involved in their plot. He brings up an interesting point that good and evil are points of view (hardly the absolutes that Obi-Wan says sith deal in, whoops, spoilers, like you didn’t already know.) He tells the story of how Darth Plagueis was able to able to influence the midi-chlorians and keep people from dying (and any delusion you have about him SHOULD’VE BEEN SHATTERED AT THIS POINT. How many people that aren’t sith are familiar with Sith Legends?) Anakin of course, still wanting to stop his dream, is intrigued by this.

So, on the wookie home world (there are other way to cut to a scene than a wipe Lucas) Yoda speaks to the council about the supposed location of Grievous. Obi-Wan is sent to investigate, to Anakin’s annoyance. Yoda looks on and begins their attack on the droids, with both Clones and wookies joining the fight (complete with Tarzan noises as they swing)

Anakin tries to make amends with Obi-Wan with his babyish behaviour earlier (well that’s what I think anything, since they don’t bring up a particular conversation yet) Obi-Wan advises patience, as he will in time become a Jedi master. Obi-Wan then leaves. Obi-Wan and his crew discuss strategy as Obi-Wan heads off in a smaller ship to distract them for the clone’s arrival.

Anakin’s dream continues, with Obi-Wan well involved. Anakin questions Padme about Obi-Wan being in the house, and Anakin spills his feelings in typical Lucas cr*ppy dialogue fashion.

 

Pick a hair style and stick with it!

Obi-Wan arrives on the planet, guising his handing as a refuel stop to the frightened citizens. Obi-Wan vows to help them, and tells his new R4 unit to head back and alert Clone captain Cody what’s happening. Obi-Wan rides a CGI beast of some sort as General Grievous explains to the separatist leaders that they’re being sent to Mustafar. Some of them display a lack of confidence in his leadership skills, but they agree to leave. Obi-Wan drops in and is surrounded by battle droids. He quickly destroys their advance troops, and Grievous decides to take him on himself.

 

It's the second fight scene, and we're less than half-way into the film (wipes tears away) so proud...

Grievous reveals he can use 4 lightsabers at once, and decides the best way to use them is to damage the floor because threatening? Anyway, the engage, and grievous loses two of his arms before the clones arrive to back Obi-Wan up. Grievous tries to escape but Obi-Wan gives chase on his monster thing, Obi-Wan loses his lightsaber and Cody picks it up

You'd think this would even his odds a bit, but it really doesn't

The clones report to Windu, who instructs Anakin to inform the chancellor. With Anakin out of the room, they say that if Palpetine does not give up his power, they’ll have to remove him from office, essentially taking control of the senate. Anakin makes his report, Palpetine continues his persuasive speech, Anakin says

“More and more I feel like I’m being excluded from the council”

You’ve only been in the council for what, a week?

Palpetine lets slip that he knows of the dark side of the force. And then basically makes the offer for Anakin to join Palpetine. Anakin draws to the conclusion that he’s the sith lord. (FINALLY!) The fight between Grievous and Obi-Wan continues with both being forced from their respective transport. Obi-Wan exposes a weak spot and shoots it with a blaster he found. Grievous is destroyed

Anakin alerts Mace Windu of the truth, Mace decides to face him alone, sensing the confusion in Anakin. Anakin is of course inclined to ignore that order. Anakin sits at the jedi council as Palpetine talks into his head. He can’t save Padme is Windu kills Palpetine. It’s a touching scene, helped by the fact that there is very little dialogue. Anakins takes a ship to the senate as 4 Jedi confront the chancellor. (You may as well call these nameless Jedi redshirts 1-3 and guess what, they don’t survive the battle, I know, shocking right?) The Chancellor goes bat-guano nuts and attacks with a red lightsaber.

 

I've had it with these motherf*cking sith on this motherf*cking senate! 

Windu disarms Palpetine and prepares to kill when Anakin arrives. Mace Windu refuses saying he’ll never get a fair trial, Palpetine appeals to Anakin and then says a line of dialogue that has changed Palpetine from subtle to bat-shit insane in two-seconds flat, and it should be cringe-worthy but it’s actually funny. He shoots force-lighting, but Windu reflects it back at his with his lightsaber, the lightning scars as Anakin is forced to choose. As Mace prepares to strike his final blow, Anakin chops Mace’s hand and we get the origin of a line that will achieve infamy in years to come “POWER!!” as Palpetine’s force lightning knocks Mace out of the window that was shattered in the fight, so he falls to his death.

Anakin is again conflicted, but eventually submits to the badly scarred Palpetine, and is Christened Darth Vader. Palpetine, rather too easily persuades Anakin that the jedi are evil and will strike against the republic (has Anakin suddenly gone stupid?) Palpetine instructs Anakin to go to the temple, and kill everyone without mercy, and then go to mustafar and kill the separatist leaders, allowing the sith to rule to the galaxy

A squad of clones lead by Anakin enter the temple. Cody gives Obi-Wan back his lightsaber as the droid armies begin to fall. He is then given the instruction to execute order 66, the extermination of the Cody (what terrible timing) Obi-wan dives into the water as other jedi are killed by the clones. Yoda senses this after taking out a couple of clones on the tower, is helped by the wookies (including Chewbacca) to make a retreat. Anakin meanwhile enters the room and kills the jedi younglings.

 

Wow, make-up's done a number on you, hasn't it?

OK here’s where the problem is. Down to bad writing and bad delivery of lines Anakin is not a particularly likeable character, and any attempt we have to feel sorry for his downfall is extinguish when he kills children that could obviously not be involved in any Jedi plot against the senate.  I don’t know whether or not you’re meant to feel for him, his story is supposed to be a hero fallen from grace who eventually finds redemption in episode VI, but it’s less a fallen more like dropped down instantly. There’s very little sign of him struggling with the dark side. He goes from trying to protect a man, all be it an evil one, to mercilessly slaughtering children.

Senator Organa is shocked to see the clones kill a young jedi. Obi-Wan resurfaces in a cave and begins climbing. The clones search the nearby forest for Yoda, discovering dead wookies. And yoda makes his departure from the planet. Organa has a ship ready to intercept any jedi that arrive. Obi-Wan sneaks by his clones and departs. He tries to make contact, and finds senator Organa.

Anakin and Padme reunite once again, where Anakin explains his view, and his mission, and Padme does not protest, despite her obvious fear. Obi-Wan arrives and meets Yoda, who says no-one else has been in contact, but they received a message from the temple ordering all jedi to return and be slaughtered. Yoda and Obi-Wan agree to travel there and dismantle the message

On Mustafar, Siddeous addresses them for the last time. As Senator Organa receives a message about a special meeting at the senate. Anakin arrives on Mustafar, instructing R2 to stay with the ship as he meets the separatist leaders, locking them in. Yoda and Obi-Wan dispatch the clone troops with ease. Palpetine explains that the jedi plot, and says that any remaining jedi will be hunted. Obi-Wan and Yoda find the dead younglings. Yoda sees that they were killed by lightsabers. Meanwhile Anakin wipes out the separatist leaders and their droid leaders, with more incredible non-vocal acting.

Palpetine announces the beginnings of the galactic empire, much to Padme’s dismay. Obi-Wan recalibrates the message, the clones won’t be smart enough to realise any time soon. Obi-Wan goes to look at security footage, and sees Anakin attacking the Jedi. Obi-Wan does not want to fight Anakin but Yoda insists he’s not powerful enough to face the emperor.

 

Oh my god, Padme! PICK A HAIRSTYLE AND STICK WITH IT!

Obi-Wan confronts Padme, and tells her the truth about what has happened. Padme struggles to take it in, even more so when Obi-Wan admits he may have to kill Anakin. With the separatist leaders dead, Anakin looks on at the immense amount of CGI in front of him. Padme and C3PO leave on a ship, which Obi-Wan sneaks aboard. Siddeous instructs Anakin to instruct the cease of droid production and the shutdown of all droids units. Padme (rather quickly) lands on Mustafar, and confronts him.

OK, the dialogue here is all Lucas’ sh*tty style. But to cut it short, Obi-Wan arrives and Anakin force-chokes her, and more sh*tty dialogue follows. Including ‘only a sith deals with absolutes’ (personally I think ‘good and evil are points of view’ is evidence against that) Anyway, a fight starts, we cut to the senate, where Yoda easily overpowers the guards and confronts Siddeous. In case you haven’t locked onto the pattern yet, a fight scene begins.

You remember how in the phantom menace I said these battles lacking dialogue was a bad thing, I take that back. I would’ve preferred it if in the battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin no dialogue was spoken at all. Yoda’s battle with Siddeous enters the senate. Anakin destroys a computer sending the facility they’re in crashing into the lava. Siddeous throws senate seats at Yoda, and he sends one spinning right back at him, as he laughs. Yoda is disarmed by force lightning, but does not yield to it, the eventual build up leads to a blast sends Yoda falling to the bottom of the senate.

 

If face you and win, Mace Windu can, why cannot I?

Yoda realises here that he’s failed. Anakin and Obi-Wan continue to fight on the lava world as Yoda begins his retreat (because it’s so much better to run and leave a galaxy in the hands of the sith than face possible defeat) Darth Siddeous leaves sensing Lord Vader in danger, Yoda drops out of the senate building, and is picked up by senator Organa. Obi-Wan and Anakin are falling into a lava rive, which they use convenient droid platforms to make a narrow escape. Obi-Wan jumps onto the high ground. Anakin tries the same trick but is cut in half by Obi-Wan as the lava burns him alive (terrible way to go, worse way to live) Obi-Wan, rather than showing mercy and killing him leaves him and returns to the ship. Obi-Wan is clearly upset at his actions.

 

See, star wars did lense flares long before J J Abrams started directing it

Anakin is shown to have survived his ordeal, as Darth Siddeous’ ship lands and picks him up, allowing him to get immediate medical attention. On a moon base Yoda and Obi-Wan regroup with Padme still unconscious. The medical droid explain Padme has lost the will to live, and to save the babies will require fast work, carrying twins. She names them Luke and Leia before passing away with grief. (In other words, the prophecy has been fulfilled)

Anakin is remodelled into the classic Darth Vader Suit (remade so that Hayden Christiansen could wear it) And now we get a line so infamous in star wars, I’ve already used it as a meme. Siddeous tells Vader that he force choked Padme to death, and the response is, well, I’ll let it explain itself

Yoda, Obi-Wan and Organa believe they should split up the children. Leia goes with Organa, and Luke will go with… Anakin’s sort of family (because Anakin could never sense them there, I suppose you could argue he barely knows them, but it’s his step-brother they’ll be with!) anyway, Yoda reveals training to Obi-Wan how to manifest consciousness after death (via a technique better explained in the clone wars series)

We have Padme Amidala’s funeral, marking the only appearance of Jar Jar Binks in this story. Darth Vader bows to Lord Siddeous as they serve they prepare for the construction of the Death Star. Senator Organa returns home with Leia as their adoptive daughter as Obi-Wan takes Luke to his step-family on Tatooine.

 

Look at our cute daughter. Let's make sure she has the most ridiculous hairstyle possible, and send her on dangerous missions for the rebellion

And that’s the end of the movie. And it’s not a terrible movie like its predecessors. The pacing is much improved, it’s engaging, and much to relief of some people, no Jar Jar.

With the beginning of episode IV as it is, there was no way that this episode could end happily, but it ended on a bit of the bittersweet moment as we see the new hopes rising from within the growing darkness.

I’ll handle pacing in a bit more detail. There is a lot more action in this movie than any of its predecessors, helped I suspect by its PG-13/12 rating. The choreography of the fights is excellent, and they don’t drag on for too long, allowing some more in-between stuff to keep the tension running. The senate/council angle is still very much present but it’s toned down from its one meeting after another form in episodes 1 and 2, this helps each one feel more important.

The story-line, for the most part is well written, but I can’t say the same for the script. The dialogue is, once again, atrocious in places, and it’s the main contributing factor as to why this is a guilty pleasure as opposed to a good movie. CGI is again used immensely in this, and while I do understand its necessity, it isn’t necessary to establish a setting every time we visit it.

 

I hope that floor isn't damaged too much here, it could give way during the fight

The PG-13 rating also helps with the lack of humour, particularly in the latter half of the episode, there are some funny moments near the beginning by the fade out almost entirely after the first action scene. This is not a film I’d feel comfortable showing to young children, but I think that was entirely Lucas’ intention.

I still feel like Anakin fell to the dark side a little too easily. He may have questioned his morals in the past, but to ignore them completely with so little justification is a little eye-rolling. Not even his actions in the Clone Wars series are enough not to make me question it slightly.

Palpetine’s character goes from subtle (sort of) to extremely obviously evil person in a matter of seconds, and while I don’t credit the dialogue, I do credit the actor for being able to pull that off.

Speaking of good acting. Ewan McGreggor is still great as Obi-Wan Kenobe. He plays off any character in the room exactly how he should, even if half of them are CGI, his grief over what Anakin had done feels very real, and it’s important given how he is just as much the star of the prequels as Anakin is.

That's a whole batch of clones dead and people still won't give a sh*t

And while there are still some questions around Hayden Christiansen’s acting capabilities, I have to give credit where it’s due here, in moments where he’s not spewing out dialogue, is where his acting shines best. His looks in this episode particularly are extremely true to character, and his looks as Darth Vader are threatening as they should be

The music score is fantastic, once again

Rage rating: -48%

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Images used in this review are from Star Wars Episode III and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use.