Guilty Pleasures #13 - Spider-man Month: The Amazing Spider-man 2

It’s the penultimate review of Spider-man Month!!

And yes, this is my favourite Spider-man movie. It’s also the only one I’ve seen at the cinema. That doesn’t mean it hasn’t got its problems, but I’ll get to that.

The Amazing Spider-man had a decent box office performance, making give or take $500million, and this one made about the same (I know it's the lowest grossing of the films, but it's not by much)… So why is this one judged a failure again? People expected it to break $1bn, why? None of the other Spider-man movies managed that. Iron Man 3 did it? Well, yeah and you wanna know why? Because it was that followed the f*cking Avengers! Iron Mans 1 and 2 didn’t get close. Because the 2^nd and 3^rd Nolan Batman movies did it? (The first one didn’t get close) here’s some advice Sony. SPIDER-MAN ISN’T BATMAN! Batman is the most popular super-hero, Spider-man is at best the 3^rd most popular Superhero, with Superman second. (OK, that might be a personal thing, but…) Speaking of our big boy Blue, remind me how Man of Steel did in the Box office.

Oh yeah, it did worse than this film. Seriously, DC is using Man of Steel to launch a DC Franchise, Amazing Spider-man 2… Might spawn a Sinister 6 movie. I suppose the issue is merchandise. Whilst DC, and its parent company Time Warner own all the  rights to their characters, Sony does not own the toy rights to Spider-man. Disney owns them, and gets most of the profits from movie related toys, and other merchandise. So really, the movie is Sony’s bread and butter. But $500 million, most of your movies don’t make that kind of money

OK, rant over… It just bugs me every time people say this movie was a commercial failure. It really wasn’t. But clearly it was enough to drive Sony into making a deal with Marvel to pair Spider-man into the MCU.

The Amazing Spider-man 2 was Mark Webb’s attempt to make a movie that stands on its own, whilst also giving opportunities for sequels and spin-offs. You’ll quickly see he succeeds in one of those but whether he succeeds in the other is questionable. So let’s dig into the Fairly Decent Spider-man 2 (well, that’s the more accurate title) and see what we’ve got here.

We start with a guy typing into his laptop and killing some spiders. This is Richard Parker, Peter’s father and he’s just been locked out of Oscorp. He grabs his bag and leaves, despite being locked out a moment ago. He begins recording a video, which will totally not come into play later. We get flashes from the last movie and we cut to them on a plane, which has wifi apparently. He begins uploading the data but it turns out the pilot is an Oscorp spy; he draws a gun at him. I’m sorry, am I in the wrong movie? I didn’t realise this was Mission: Impossible. The guy stops the upload and action ensues. The spy is knocked out and they begin uploading on the damaged laptop.  Which laptop, you ask. Why a Sony Vaio of course.

The spy wakes up and begins punching him and this is enough to send the plane crashing. He halts the upload again, but Richard blows out the windows, and one of the engines apparently; the spy is flung from the plane but he and Mary are fine, he completes the upload and the plane crashes I guess. Seriously, are you sure this is a Spider-man movie?

This guy is an obvious villain, this trend will continue

We see Spider-man and oh my god he’s in bright colours. I could not be happier about that. He swings and he swings some more and… He swings a bit more. He hears from a news chopper I think that a truck has been hijacked by Paul Giamanni in one of the two scenes he actually has in this movie. Spider-man swings after him as two other thieves break into the truck to steel the plutonium. Spider-man makes a few jokes. Hey webhead: maybe you should stop the guys stealing the plutonium before you stop the driver.

Meanwhile the only black guy in New York drops his papers in the road and goes out to save them. The driver is about to run a crossing, so Spider-man completely ignores the guys in the taxis he’s just bulldozed to save the only black guy in New York. This is Max Dillon played by Jamie Foxx. Spider-man uses basic observation to call him by name and this will fuel his obsession for months on end, yeah, keep working on those villains, maybe you’ll get it right in the next one. Spider-man gives Max a motivational speech (and you’ve got to be wondering at this point, how many people has Paul Giomanni run over at this point! Stop wasting time!) Oh and nice product placement for McDonalds there. I really want a BigMac now.

Hi, I'm Max, I'll be your arch-nemesis for this story

So the computer alerts to protocol violation rather than, I don’t know, locking the damned things down; the truck stops causing a massive police car pileup (this is what happens when you focus on making a guy feel good over a f*cking police chase.) The thieves start shooting, but Spider-man quickly disarms them and hangs them for the police) he swings into the truck, which is now on the move again where the plutonium has fallen out of its casing, and Spider-man has to catch them (because they’d explode? They’ve already taken a few hits, let the police pick up the damned things) he leaves them hanging in an alleyway except one which he picks up, before being hit by a police car (spider-sense got a day off?) he gets a call from Gwen, which he answers.

It’s Graduation Day (because you really can’t force 30-something year old actors to play high schoolers for very long) and Gwen is sitting there, telling him it’s already started. As they talk Peter sees a ghost of former Captain Stacey in the police car next to him. Before she can quiz him further, Gwen is called to the stage to give her speech (and no-one noticed she was on the phone the whole time?) and whilst Spidey finishes the job with not-Rhino, Gwen gives an absurdly morbid and slightly ironic speech.  Spidey saves a bus full of people and manages to capture not-yet-Rhino, literally with his pants down using bullet-time and whistling the 60s theme song. (Which is also his ring tone, subtle…)

So Peter makes it to the graduation, with the obligatory Stan Lee Cameo out of the way, at the very last second. He kisses Gwen and takes his certificate. So after a scene between Peter and Aunt May, it’s time for a scene between Peter and Gwen. She invites him to dinner but he flashes back to the promise he made to Captain Stacey and ends up standing her up at dinner. She confronts him about it and they decide to break up, given their speeches not for the first time.

Tonight, you will be visited by 3 ghosts...

Time for web-slinging action, we see Spider-man swinging around whilst we hear people give their thoughts both for and against Spidey (see? THIS IS HOW YOU DO THIS SPIDER-MAN 2!) Anyway, he saves a boy from the bullies and helps fix his science project and you won’t believe that this comes back into play later. I love this sort of scene. So after hijinks, we hear Max give his views as Spider-man webs up a criminal who was holding up a store, as he buys medicine for his cold. To be honest I love this sort of stuff from Spidey, shows that his heroics aren’t limited to the larger scale stuff and he’ll stand up for the little guy, which in the end is what Spider-man was (supposed to be) before he became Spidey.

He watches over Gwen, because he’s still lovestruck, before he swings off to save people from a burning building. Time for hijinks: Aunt May wants Peter to take her car for repairs, but he’s still covered in soot and in his Spiderman outfit (because he fell asleep in it, that was kinda dumb) after using the dumbest excuses known to man to get out of it, he notices his father’s briefcase and remembers all the happy times he had with his father, he locks them away

God, I so need to get laid

We cut to Max’s house. Oh my fricking god, he’s psychotically shallow. His shrine to spider-man has strings all over it, like he’s trying to work something out. He envisions Spider-man wishing him a happy birthday. But first more hijinks: Peter tries to wash his costume but his aunt stops him, citing that he turned everything blue and red last time he tried. After another awful excuse, he takes his washing away to do another time. Also, he gets a sandwich, full of lettuce for breakfast, is that an American thing?

Max walks to work, where the plot-convenience holograms are still in effect. Oscorp have a new hydro-electric power station thing that’s powering the city of something. Max mentions to his boss that some of the designs are his own, he laughs and says “yeah, and I’m Spider-man” causing Max to envision attacking him. He gets into an elevator with Gwen Stacey. They talk and of course he reveals his Spidey obsession.

We cut to Osborn Manor, where Harry Osborn has arrives home. He goes to see his father, who’s dying from Retroviral Hyperplasia. Yeah, funny thing about this disease… It’s completely made up. Harry was sent away for reasons I still don’t completely understand but the end result is this, the disease is genetic and Harry has it to, so he only has until he gets to erm his father’s age, which must be at least another 20 years I’d think, until he dies. He gives Harry a drive containing all the Oscorp research before he dies.

Tonight on the Jeremy Kyle Show. He was a child, sent away and robbed of his childhood. He says that his childhood needed to be sacrificed. Who do you side with?

Peter sends a photo to the bugle, suggesting that maybe Spider-man is trying to help. On what laptop? A Sony Vaio of course, J Jonah Jameson, who does not appear in this movie, replies that he’s wrong, he sees the news, on a Sony TV of course, that Norman Osborn has died and sees that Harry is back in the city. Because of Norman’s death, the staff at Oscorp are given a half day, whilst Gwen is given an interesting call from the Oscorp Scholars programme

Before Max can leave, his boss leaves him a task because he’s a jackass and can’t do it himself. And we get more auditory exposition. Max finds the problem and tries to shut the power down in the area, but the guy in charge has already left. And the tanks containing the electric fish do not have lids for some reason. Yeah, there’s no way this could possibly go wrong. He fixes the problem, but somehow he’s electrocuted (he’s holding onto plastic, not conductible) and falls through the floor into one of the tanks and is electrocuted by the fish.

Meanwhile, we have a board meeting in the Osborn house (come on, it’s the day of his death, this couldn’t wait? Or have we skipped a few days… Anyway, why at the house? Surely it should be at the office) Given what happened with Connors, the animal hybrid programs was destroyed to restore investor confidence and recommend he use plausible deniability to his advantage (or just the fact that wasn’t involved in Oscorp affairs at the time, because he was in boarding school, just saying)

He questions how none of the lawyers foresaw Connors' lack of sanity. He tells them that they all work for Felicia Hardy, who was someone’s assistant (Norman’s or Connors'? She wasn’t in the last movie) Harry is told that Peter has come to see him. It’s been 10 years since they’d last seen each other. Peter wants to be there for Harry, as he knows what it’s like to lose family. They begin to reminisce a bit. Harry talks about what he’s been up to, then asks whether Peter has a lady in his life. He stumbles and says it’s complicated. The correct answer is no, you broke up with her, remember?

Harry admits that when he left, he tried to forget everything, including Peter. Peter forgives him and they skip stones, all whilst a guy has them bugged (because Lord knows, there weren’t enough villains in this already) in the car a**hole #1 and a**hole #2 discuss Max’s fate. They also want Harry out because they’re a**holes!

Did they do this when they were younger? Seems like an odd thing to do

In the morgue? Lights begin flicking on and off and Max wakes up, now with the ability to create lightning out of his hands. He takes a hoody and jeans and walks out. Peter makes a phone call to Gwen and arranges to meet her. After being a douche to traffic they meet up and Gwen says it’s time for them to be friends. Despite the fact that essentially poses exactly the same danger than being lovers, except there’s a need for silly made-up ground rules. This only works because Andrew and Emma have such great chemistry. Between lesser actors, this would never have worked.

Max walks into Times Square and absorbs energy from a car. He looks up to see Times Square. Peter and Gwen have ice cream. And Peter reveals that he’s still been watching her, charming. Gwen reveals about the competition for the Oxford Scholarship but suddenly Peters spider-sense has been enhanced to a spectacular degree as he can sense trouble in Times Square.

Max feeds on the power in the area but is halted by police, oh and there are actually more Black Guys in New York and they’re police. I take back my previous joke… Anyway, Max lifts a truck (he doesn’t go by the name Electro yet) and smashes it and he’s soon surrounded by armed police. He sees himself on a load of billboards and suddenly I really want a Kodak camera and some Hershey’s chocolate, and some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.

See, I'm your arch-nemesis now! 

Police throw down smoke grenades which annoy Max enough that he lets out an electrical discharge that sends several police cars flying. Spider-man catches a car before it crushes a police officer. Other officers begin firing but the bullets disintegrate before they hit him. The officer who Spidey saves tells the other officers to stop so Spidey can talk him down.

Max seems somewhat annoyed that Spidey doesn’t recognise him; despite the fact he’s blue now. Of course, Spidey doesn’t remember his name despite the fact that he knew the circumstances of his rescue upsets Max. Snipers are positioned above him. Spidey tries to talk him down, but when he steps into a puddle, the sniper shoots and Electro shoots back, Spidey tries to pull him away but in doing so one of his webshooters is fried. He saves a police officer from having a billboard fall on him and in doing so, everyone cheers for him whilst they boo Max and his picture takes up most of the Times Square Billboards, Max is no longer on them. Also, I want another Big Mac now.

Anyway, this is enough to make Max hate Spider-man (I’m serious, this is his motivation for becoming evil, shallow in every way imaginable) and begins to attack, Spider-man dodges but the electricity passes through the railings at the stand, and some civilians are about to touch them (why are they running up the stand anyway, that’s a dead end) Spidey stops them and a fight ensues. Max feeds on power and cause several billion dollars in property damage, he then fires at random locations to scare people before he’s hit by a water blast and knocked down. And Spidey in a fireman’s hat is inexplicably funny. Also, say goodbye to both Electro and Spidey, we won’t be seeing either of them for a while.

Peter comes home and watches the news on his Sony TV whilst checking his Sony Phone. This movie is turning into one giant advert for Sony products. I suppose if you can’t sell toys, you might as well sell something. He looks at his fried webshooters and listens to music, before taking out the briefcase, he notices a note mentioning a meeting at 2pm and Roosevelt, he begins an investigation into his parents, to an up tempo pop song of course. (Not one owned by Sony’s music division, interestingly)

Harry sits in his office and finally works out how the drive his father gave him works, he searches through a bunch of files. Including a battlefield repair suit and a video about radioactive spiders (they actually went for the radioactive this time, I’m impressed)

What is it with Marvel movies and touch-screen hologram thingies

Time for hijinks: Peter uses YouTube to test the web’s conductive abilities, it ends about as well as you’d expect. Peter gets a call from Harry, who shows him the video about the radioactive spiders, they hope that it’d heal people. Harry says he thinks that Spider-man was bitten by one and now he needs Spidey’s blood to replicate the venom. Peter fears a repeat of Connors

Meanwhile Gwen is searching for information about Max and is soon locked out. Guards come down, but Gwen sees them and makes for the exit, she bumps into Peter, and drags him into a broom closet. This is so clichéd that even Peter remarks that it’s clichéd. Again, this only works because they’ve got great chemistry together. And they kiss; so much for we’ll just be friends… So Gwen heads off and Peter uses his “I’m a clutz” excuse to get people away. Harry is waiting in the elevator Gwen gets into and they talk.

Did you just fart?

At the Ravencroft institute, I must admit I was wrong about Electro. Because the 5^th bad guy in this story is Dr Kafka, and he’s the Doctor in charge of Electro. Electro talks a lot (and this is the first time he actually uses the names) but Dr Kafka has things in hand for now. Peter comes home to find Aunt May has discovered Peter’s investigation. Peter can see that Aunt May is hiding something from him and tells her to reveal it (Spider-man: hypocrite)

Aunt May reluctantly reveals that she was contacted by government agents saying that Richard was some kind of corporate spy (which really reveals nothing about his death) Peter struggles with this intel but eventually accepts it as truth.

Spider-man goes to see Harry Osborn. He says that he can’t give Harry his blood because if he does, and they’re incompatible he could die and even if they are something worse could happen. Seriously? You came around to his house, as Spidey, to say that you can’t give him his blood. Of course, Harry reacts to this badly, saying how much he hates Spider-man (that doesn’t sound at all familiar) I think this meme is in order

Seriously Harry, your father lasted years before he died. You do have time! Although, his condition does seem to be taking effect a lot quicker than his father’s must’ve. Peter arrives just in time to see Gwen going for her entrance exam. He makes her late, nice job Petey. Peter goes home and tears down his investigation board, breaking the photo of him with his parents. He throws the calculator against the wall (given how his strength was before, I’m surprised he didn’t damage the wall) and it breaks, revealing a bunch of subway tokens hidden inside it. Peter finds out about an abandoned subway station conveniently called Roosevelt.

You ever wanted a calculator that could store your subway tokens? Well buy this Sony Calculator today, only $19.95

Felicia calls in on Harry and reveals that whilst the animals were killed, but the venom was extracted and placed in special projects. Harry starts searching for it and discovers security footage from Ravencroft and his building regarding Electro, all the files had fraudulently been approved by him. A**hole #1 revokes his access and orders for Harry to be arrested. I hope he gets run over by a bus. I hope Light Yagami writes his name in his Death Note, that’s how much I want him dead.

Peter finds his way into the station, he places a token into a slot, and a train comes out of the ground. OK, there are only a few types of people who can do something like this. The only one that really springs to mind is secret agent working for the government. And if that’s the case I have 2 questions: 1) Why the lie about him being a corporate spy? And 2) How come no-one found any of this evidence? Anyway, Peter finds out that Oscorp was planning to use the venom to create biological weapons or something. But the Human DNA from the planted in the spiders was his own, so the research can’t be continued without his bloodline (someone please explain that to me, I don’t get it)

I've brought Science!

Anyway, Harry breaks into the Ravencroft institute (with relative ease I might add) he approaches Electro and suggests they team up. If Electro can get Harry into Oscorp, he’ll get access to the energy grid he designed, and be able to power down the whole city. Spider-man will then come and Electro can kill him. Electro escapes from the prison, killing off all the guards, and putting Doctor Kafka in his place.

Nice pants Electro

Peter walks out of the subway tunnel and gets a message from Gwen. She got into Oxford and is about to leave for an early summer class. Oscorp security goes down. Electro approaches the a**hole with Electro, who suddenly has a snazzy leather suit. Harry wants into special projects and demands it. After a little persuasion from Electro, he agrees and Electro gets access to the grid. Special projects include the healing suit, octopus arms, and spider-venom. Just looked up, his name’s Menkin, so Menkin injects Harry with the spider venom and Harry collapses. Menkin sounds the alarm and Harry desperately climbs into the suit in a scene to scare off anyone with epilepsy. Light Yagami, he’s all yours.

Ever considered maybe taking a career in medicine? It might be more interesting than this supervillain cr*p

Gwen is waiting in traffic as Spider-man uses webbing to create a message on the bridge opposite saying: I love you (subtlety is completely wasted here) Spidey grabs her and takes him to the top of the bridge. He says that if she wants to move to England, he’ll move with her (how? You barely make ends meet with your Aunt, how will you survive?) their romance is interrupted as the power in pretty much the entire city goes down. Electro is back.

The power down has caused major problems at Air Traffic Control (seems like the type of thing that should have) as two aircraft are on a collision course (they know that, despite not having radar) anyway, Gwen recommends magnetising the web-shooters so that they hold a charge and the web-shooters wouldn’t be fried by Electro.

The police try and control the chaos outside, providing a perfect opportunity for them to test that theory. They’re successful. Gwen insists on coming along but Peter insists otherwise, eventually webbing her hand to the car bonnet to stop her. In some scenes to remind us that Aunt May is in this movie, she’s helping out at the hospital, using battery operating equipment (what happened to cook books?)

I can make my face appear in buildings now. I'm that awesome

As state tax goes up another 300% Spidey follows electro into a power station and the fight begins. Spidey tries but fails to use water against him, and is eventually pounded by Electro, who prepares to deal the killing blow but is knocked back when Gwen runs over him. They decide to overload his power and the fight continues Spidey manages to repair some major damage with his webs. Gwen manages to reset the system, restoring power to New York and overloading Electro, also allowing Air Traffic Control to divert the planes so they barely miss each other (yeah, I call bullsh*t on that too) and restoring power to the hospital.

So err... Yeah, Electro's dead, isn't he?

But the action’s not over yet. It’s time to deal with the Green Goblin. From seeing Gwen with him, he immediately deduces that Peter is Spider-man.  He decides he wants to kill Gwen for reasons I don’t really understand but I’ll run with it and he swings to a clock tower. They break inside and a fight begins. Gwen falls as is hanging by a thread, when the Goblin pins Spidey down on a cog, the cog begins to twist, and Spidey uses it to defeat Harry but at the same time it cuts the line, and Gwen falls, Spidey fires a web to catch her but it grabs her just as she hits the ground. Gwen is dead.

Man, if your surname is Stacey, your insurance premiums must've trebled. Two deaths after 2 different supervillain attacks

The funeral processions pass and Peter gives up his spidey ways for what looks to be some time as we see snow. At the Ravencroft institute, this guy, who I’m going to call Tinkerer, since that’s the most logical person for him to be. (Although apparently, the guys at the studio didn’t know who it was, which is baffling) he says he’s identified worthy candidates for something and it’s easy since Spider-man’s gone. Tinkerer passes Octopus arms, a Vulture suit, and a Rhino mecha, that our pal Paul Giomanni will be wearing. (Yes, I know he has a name, Alexis Sytsevich, but…)

We get news of Sytsevich’s attack and find out that it’s been 5 months since Spider-man disappeared. The kid Spider-man helped at the beginning of the movie is looking out the window for him. Things all come full circle. Aunt May says it’s a pity he disappeared (this works much better than the I hated him but I like him now since he saved my life cr*p they pulled in Spider-man 2) anyway, Aunt May gives Peter some advice to help lighten his burden. He decides to listen to Gwen’s speech, her depressingly morbid and ironic speech from the beginning (again with the full circle)

So, erm, which is the real Spider-man?

Peter remembers his times with Gwen and stuffs everything regarding his parents into a box. He looks to his spidey costume. Rhino goes on a rampage and his suit comes complete with guns, when did Rhino ever have guns? The kid breaks free from his parents and steps in front of the Rhino wearing a Spider-man costume. The real Spider-man stands behind him and ushers him away.  Rhino charges, firing rockets (since when did the Rhino have rockets?) which Spider-man deflects using a manhole cover, before hitting Rhino in the face with it. The end

You could probably just web me out while I have my face exposed like this, but... I am Rhino, and I have guns!

This movie is a mess: it has way too many plotlines and leaves out character development for everyone other than Gwen and Peter, especially the villains. Electro comes off as an exceptionally shallow individual as both Max Dillon and Electro and something similar can be said for the whiney crybaby Harry Osborn. Alexis doesn’t really have a personality, he could have been cut out of the movie without that much changed.

Speaking of plotlines I think should've been cut out, let’s start with the Richard Parker stuff. I know there were lingering questions from the first movie. The problem is, this is a filler plot-line that does not need to exist here and it’s taking time away from developments that could’ve like Harry and Peter’s relationship that’s glossed over, or giving some time to Max to make him sympathetic rather than just a loser.

Ooh, nice foreshadowing there

We could also have done without the Menkin plot. I really don’t understand why things escalated so quickly. Best I can tell it was days in between Norman dying and him having Harry arrested. Did the stocks show little confidence in Harry that quickly? I highly doubt it. There could be other ways to get Harry into the desperate state he was in without having to lose his company because of fowl play.

Yeah, even I’ll say there are too many villains in this plot. It does a better job than Spidey 3 in some ways. They don’t crowd all the villains into a single battle for no reason but the villains in Spider-man 3 are, some of them anyway, better developed. It sort of helped that Harry Osborn had 2 movies previously to develop his character.

Then there’s the sequel baiting. I think that scene with possibly Tinkerer (although he doesn’t share the name of his comic book counterpart, but since when has that mattered? The original Rhino was Alex O’Hirn) walking past the octopus arms and vulture claws is unnecessary. In fact you could’ve replaced Rhino with ‘any generic criminal’ and it wouldn’t have changed very much.

I supposed I should mention the product placement, since I joked about it in the review. There is quite a bit of it in this movie, particularly for Sony products. And while I can see why some may find this off-putting, it doesn't really bother me that much. Product placements were always in the background, or on items displaying relevent plot information, so I personally didn't find it distracting.

I am the Green Goblin?

But I stand by this being my favourite Spider-man movie. Because I had more fun watching it that any of the previous movies. It’s not too dark and gritty like the Amazing Spider-man was, but it wasn’t brain-numbing like the Raimi trilogy was. It’s far from perfect but I love it all the same, hence it's place in the Guilty Pleasures review segment .

The chemistry between Peter and Gwen was there, Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are amazing as their respective characters, the fact that they’re in real life relationship really helps cement these two as an adorable couple, leading to it being ever more tragic when Gwen meets her rather too heavily foreshadowed end. 

The action looks great, sure there’s a lot of CGI but it works to the movie's advantage. We really feel like we’re swinging along with Spidey, something the Raimi trilogy tried but always failed to accomplish. And of course, no actor can properly demonstrate the agility that Spider-man needs to have to look like his comic-book counterpart.

The colour scheme is much nicer in this movie. There are more daylight scenes than in the previous Spider-man movie and we see him look out for the little guy. I love the fact he helped a guy stand up to bullies and rescued his science project, it was a really cool scene. Sadly, this was the lowest grossing spider-man film (still made over $700 million at the box office) and this lead to Sony opting out of continuing the Franchise in favour of a more MCU integrated version. And I wish them the best with it. Having said that I don’t think this movie deserves all the hate it gets.

Rage Rating: -250%

For more reviews click here

Images used in this review are from The Amazing Spider-man 2 and belong to their respective owners. All images in this review are subject to fair use.